i am sam

[ChristInAction]

I didnt relise b'coz last time I watched 'i am sam' I wasnt cutting or I had only just started. but it is a huuuuggggeeeee trigger.
take sam & add vilence at the smallest thing that doesnt go his way then you'll have my brother.

I always get so worried. I know his gonna end up in jail. He's gonna hurt someone & be locked up. Then the in-mates will hurt him & the gards (i've heard all bout how brutle they are). I'm so worried for him. He cant do it.
When ever I think about it, I just wanna cut so much. I start crying b'coz I know how mean people are to him & he doesnt understand. He annoy's everyone thinking its funny which ends up getting him hit. One of these days someone will bash him.
At the same time, I'm scared. I'm scared of what his gonna do to me. He hurts me. but I'd rather he be at home hurting me & not in jail, then being out by himself & being locked up where they can hurt him.

Noone understands this. I'm the only one that see's it.


I dont know what to do. Mum wants to get rid of him. Like his just an old pair of shoes that rub.
I want to keep him safe but I cant!
I've been looking after him & pretecting him since we were little & went to holiday care.

Its imposable to explane to anyone how much this eats me up & how hard it is. I know it sounds stupid but its so so hard.

This is just one of the things going on around here.
N I wanna cut.

 

[livingforGod135]

well i have never seen 'i am sam' so i cant really comment on that except to say that anything that triggers you, you would do well to stay well away from

with your brother... i know i dont know him very well but in my experiance thinking the worst doesnt do anything good for either of you

that you look after and protect your brother is a good thing but... its not your fault if something happens, you cant be expected to be responsible for him, and your not... please dont use it as a reason to hurt yourself, i used to accept anything at all as a 'reason' but it was just making me feel worse

none of your post sounded stupid so i guess you didnt 'know' it sounded 'stupid' after all

He hurts me. but I'd rather he be at home hurting me & not in jail, then being out by himself & being locked up where they can hurt him.

this is really worrying, i dont know what to say to it, but you are a really caring and loving person

to be honest i am most worried about you, but i will be praying for both you and your brother

and please please dont hurt yourself... i read in one of your other posts that you cant go more than 24 hrs atm... well i hate to break it to you and all that but you are wrong! you CAN go more than 24 hrs... say you have gone 23 hours... think about it youve gone 23... surely you can go 1 more hour... spend the time in prayer or on CF

Laura

 

[mamalonglegs]

It is a good thing to care about another. However, we cannot take full responsibility for their every breath, every movement, and when they sleep. Guess Who is in that business? God and He knows what your brother needs and how to take perfect care of Him. You my dear are not God and please try not to take His place. You may care for and love your brother but you cannot absorb yourself totally in him. You disappear when that happens. You stop existing and that hurts you inside even though you might not know it. This is why it becomes difficult not to harm yourself. It is the push and pull of self existance; of where you begin and your brother ends. It is a right to life and having the worth to be an individual worthy of love and respect. Try giving yourself a portion of the lovingkindness and care that you impart on your brother and see the difference in the way you look at and treat your own person. Yes, you are a person and I say again, WORTHY OF LOVE AND RESPECT.
mamalonglegs