I think I somehow fell in love with my best friend. I am a 34 year old woman and my friend is a 25 year old woman. She is probably crazy herself and I feel like I have gotten dragged into her craziness and now I'm going crazy. She is VERY promiscuous, I have just never seen anyone like her. All she ever talks about is how much she loves herself. She is always calling herself a <staff edit> but she's proud of it, and she talks about how hot she is and all the people she's having sex with and how she steals people's boyfriends and cheats on hers. Yet in public and to people who don't know her she comes off as beautiful, talented, smart, and caring. People love her! Most people actually assume she is a Christian when they meet her because of her personality.
When we first became friends, she almost seemed obsessed with me. Or maybe I'm crazy and I imagined it. She would always touch me and show her cleavage and stare at my chest. I have never thought I was homosexual before, but I started falling into this. She would make comments about how she would be a lesbian (and how she has had sex with girls before). I got to the point where she was all I thought about.
Now it is 2 years later and I am still literally obsessed with her. She is basically done with me. Since she is younger than me she has other friends. We are so different...one reason we became so close is that she seemed to be crying out for help. I wanted to be a good friend to her and love her and help her, but instead I got sucked into her world. It was like she wanted to destroy me to prove that my faith (in God) wasn't real. I have been reading about codependence and think that it describes my relationship with her.
I feel that there is so much darkness surrounding her and now I'm in it. A few months ago, I figured out her password for her email, facebook....everything. And now I read her emails ALL the time. I literally spent the entire past weekend reading her emails. I even figured out a way to tell if she is at home or not (meaning she is off sleeping with who-knows-what guy). This obsession is taking over my life and affecting my relationship with her. I can't tell her what I've done, and I feel that I have done the opposite of what I wanted to do in our friendship. I am the worst friend ever. I wish she would just change all of her passwords so I could never be tempted by this again.
Please please help. I feel SO alone, especially because I don't really talk to her anymore and I love her so much. I am always waiting around for her to call me. I wonder if I should just stop being friends with her altogether but we are supposed to go on a big trip this summer together and I don't know what I would do without her because in some ways she knows me better than anyone else. It is like she has me entrapped. I became so obsessed with her that I compromised many of my other friendships because I always wanted my schedule open in case she wanted to do something.
It is so hard for me to move away from her because I want to love her like a good friend. but I obviously haven't done that, and I want to make up for it. And it is hard to move away from her because she's all I EVER think about and I see her all the time because of life circumstances. And it's hard to move away from her because now I don't have any other friends. I feel so lonely and ashamed. What should I do?????
When we first became friends, she almost seemed obsessed with me. Or maybe I'm crazy and I imagined it. She would always touch me and show her cleavage and stare at my chest. I have never thought I was homosexual before, but I started falling into this. She would make comments about how she would be a lesbian (and how she has had sex with girls before). I got to the point where she was all I thought about.
Now it is 2 years later and I am still literally obsessed with her. She is basically done with me. Since she is younger than me she has other friends. We are so different...one reason we became so close is that she seemed to be crying out for help. I wanted to be a good friend to her and love her and help her, but instead I got sucked into her world. It was like she wanted to destroy me to prove that my faith (in God) wasn't real. I have been reading about codependence and think that it describes my relationship with her.
I feel that there is so much darkness surrounding her and now I'm in it. A few months ago, I figured out her password for her email, facebook....everything. And now I read her emails ALL the time. I literally spent the entire past weekend reading her emails. I even figured out a way to tell if she is at home or not (meaning she is off sleeping with who-knows-what guy). This obsession is taking over my life and affecting my relationship with her. I can't tell her what I've done, and I feel that I have done the opposite of what I wanted to do in our friendship. I am the worst friend ever. I wish she would just change all of her passwords so I could never be tempted by this again.
Please please help. I feel SO alone, especially because I don't really talk to her anymore and I love her so much. I am always waiting around for her to call me. I wonder if I should just stop being friends with her altogether but we are supposed to go on a big trip this summer together and I don't know what I would do without her because in some ways she knows me better than anyone else. It is like she has me entrapped. I became so obsessed with her that I compromised many of my other friendships because I always wanted my schedule open in case she wanted to do something.
It is so hard for me to move away from her because I want to love her like a good friend. but I obviously haven't done that, and I want to make up for it. And it is hard to move away from her because she's all I EVER think about and I see her all the time because of life circumstances. And it's hard to move away from her because now I don't have any other friends. I feel so lonely and ashamed. What should I do?????
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