I am lost

[Earthy71]

I became a christian over 10 years ago but fell away about 4 years later.
I have been studying paganism for 2 years, although i never felt right with tarot cards and spells etc.
For a long time i have felt the pull of God...only now it's not only God pulling me, i can feel the need within myself to know God again.
I just feel like i'm being pulled in so many directions, and i feel so confused and lost.

 

[Deb7777]

I became a christian over 10 years ago but fell away about 4 years later.
I have been studying paganism for 2 years, although i never felt right with tarot cards and spells etc.
For a long time i have felt the pull of God...only now it's not only God pulling me, i can feel the need within myself to know God again.
I just feel like i'm being pulled in so many directions, and i feel so confused and lost.

Hi Earthy, welcome! Sounds like God is tugging at your heart, great! I would say get to know Jesus by reading the bible, start praying and talking to God, he loves you. Ask any questions here or on the non-christian question board. You might get a few more answers on that board, it gets alittle slow on this one but its still open for you! You're definitely on the right path by seeking God and getting rid of the paganism stuff. The devil is an imposter with lies and deceptions. Christians are warn to stay clear of all witchcraft, occult ,etc. that's playing with evil in our opinion, so I'm glad you are getting away from that scene. Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, I would say to you, he is the way if you want to find who you truly are in God eyes, take care. Hope to see you around. God bless.

 

[ITBM]

I became a christian over 10 years ago but fell away about 4 years later...

The great part about being a Christian that once you become part of God's family its forever. He'll never disown you or ignore you. Like the parable of the prodigal son, it's never too late to come home.

...For a long time i have felt the pull of God...

That's the Holy Spirit tugging at your heart. God's telling you he misses you and wants you to come home.

I can feel the need within myself to know God again.
I just feel like i'm being pulled in so many directions, and i feel so confused and lost.

I know you feel like you are being pulled in many directions. But think about it rationally for a minute:

God Pull - God loves you and wants the best for you
Heart Pull - Of course you want the best out life

Other Pulls
1 - They are pulling you AWAY from God. So how good can they be?
2 - They are pulling you AWAY from what your heart knows is right.

It sounds to me like you know which way you need to go. It's just been so long that you're not sure. You're not sure if God will accept you back. He will. You're not sure if God can use someone like you. He can. You're not sure where to start. Let Him in your heart.

God used...
Abraham - A liar
Moses - A murderer, studderer, and full of self-doubt.
David - Shepard and adulterer
Solomon - Bigamist
Paul - Killed Christians

Not only can God use you but He can do GREAT things through you. First, you have to let Him back into your heart and life.

Confess to Him that you continually mess up and you want Him to take over. You want Him to take over because He is Jesus Christ. He has the perfect plan, perfect ability to live it out, and perfect love to fill you.

How can you TRULY believe these things? Simple. Read God's promises and hold Him to them. God loves it when you hold Him to His word. Know the Bible so you can know His promises for you so in your prayers you can make Him stick to them.

How do you pray? Just honestly share with God what is on your heart like he's your best friend sitting there listening to you, because He is.

Hang out with people who will help you instead of pulling you down. This means you need to find a church. Not just to go there on Sundays for worship. More importantly, to build strong friendships with other believers. Friends who will lovingly help keep you on the straight and narrow.

In time... you will be so built up and overflowing with love and God's blessings that you will want to share them. This is when you move from being spiritually dependant to be spiritually dependable. When you start to build people up and hold them accountable like people did for you.

Think of it this way...
How can you fill someone elses cup when yours is empty? That's what we REALLY want in life. To have our spiritual cup full of water. Like Jesus said, if we trust in Him to have our cups filled we'll never have to want. We'll have more than we could possibly need on our own. Our cups start overflowing. It only makes sense to start pouring out of our cup into other peoples cups. Since Gods love is limitless and everlasting He will always have more water to fill our cup so we will always have more to share.

I sincerely hope that points you in the right direction and paints an encouraging picture of what that path looks like as you travel along it.

 

[livinginthelight]

I became a christian over 10 years ago but fell away about 4 years later.
I have been studying paganism for 2 years, although i never felt right with tarot cards and spells etc.
For a long time i have felt the pull of God...only now it's not only God pulling me, i can feel the need within myself to know God again.
I just feel like i'm being pulled in so many directions, and i feel so confused and lost.

The Holy Spirit works in our lives even when we are not aware of it. You fell away from God, but he never abandoned you. You can praise him for that!

We are rebellious creatures by nature. You are able to look back and see where you drifted away and you have felt the tug of the Holy Spirit. Jesus was not only God, but he was fully human. He knows our weakness and temptations. He is understanding. He is ready for you to come back. He will lavish you with his love and forgiveness.

Demonism is real. You need not only to return to Jesus but you need to renounce all demonism and demonic arts. You need to rebuke Satan verbally (not silently, as only God can read your thoughts). You should then ask God for forgiveness and ask him to protect you from evil spirits.

Spiritual warfare is a part of living in a fallen world. Satan has been given a free reign for a while. But his time is coming to an end. He will continue to torment you and prey on your weaknesses as long as you give him a foothold. It will not end, even as you draw closer to God. Satan tries everything to separate us from God's love and protection.

God's voice is drawing you back to him. He always leads us into greater dependence on him. If the voice you hear is causing you to depend on someone else other than God, including yourself, then that message is not from God.

When you have time, study the Book of Job. It deals with the battle for our hearts and minds. This battle began before the world was created. It was first fought in Heaven and has continued on Earth. In the book God withdraws his protection from Job to show Satan that Job is faithful. In a sense that is our situation. We are being tested and are asked to remain faithful no matter what happens to us.

 

[TheMatman]

Changed my mind about what I wanted to post.

 

[mannysee]

I became a christian over 10 years ago but fell away about 4 years later.
I have been studying paganism for 2 years, although i never felt right with tarot cards and spells etc.
For a long time i have felt the pull of God...only now it's not only God pulling me, i can feel the need within myself to know God again.
I just feel like i'm being pulled in so many directions, and i feel so confused and lost.

Earthy71,

If you keep playing with the light switch, your mind gets confused. Leave the light on.

Happy Birthday

 

[Anti Existance]

http://www.aleroy.com/Abetway.htm a better way of life.

 

[Earthy71]

Thank you everybody.
You are so right, about the stubbornness, about the feelings of guilt and worthlessness..and especially about staying in the light..i have been feeling in a very dark place lately.
I thought about embracing that darkness but it felt wrong.
I just feel like i'm being pulled in two directions and i don't want to be.
I have been a pagan and yet i don't know why i call myself that because i refuse to do spells or rituals, i have always been unable to read tarot, always felt like God didn't want me to read them...but i still feel pulled.
But i want to come back to God, i think i'm just too scared.

 

[hlaltimus]

Be scared of NOT coming back to God. Consider Noah's unity with God and the fearful fate of those who were not afraid of reconciliation with God.

 

[Deb7777]

Thank you everybody.
You are so right, about the stubbornness, about the feelings of guilt and worthlessness..and especially about staying in the light..i have been feeling in a very dark place lately.
I thought about embracing that darkness but it felt wrong.
I just feel like i'm being pulled in two directions and i don't want to be.
I have been a pagan and yet i don't know why i call myself that because i refuse to do spells or rituals, i have always been unable to read tarot, always felt like God didn't want me to read them...but i still feel pulled.
But i want to come back to God, i think i'm just too scared.

Hi Earthly, welcome back, don't be scared, see the comfort Jesus gives to those who come to him in the bible. Jesus has your best interest at heart and wants you to have life and have it to the full, then forever be with him in his Kingdom, God bless, we're praying for you.

 

[Deb7777]

Thank you everybody.
You are so right, about the stubbornness, about the feelings of guilt and worthlessness..and especially about staying in the light..i have been feeling in a very dark place lately.
I thought about embracing that darkness but it felt wrong.
I just feel like i'm being pulled in two directions and i don't want to be.
I have been a pagan and yet i don't know why i call myself that because i refuse to do spells or rituals, i have always been unable to read tarot, always felt like God didn't want me to read them...but i still feel pulled.
But i want to come back to God, i think i'm just too scared.

Happy Birthday too! I can't believe I miss the balloons.

 

[livinginthelight]

Thank you everybody.
You are so right, about the stubbornness, about the feelings of guilt and worthlessness..and especially about staying in the light..i have been feeling in a very dark place lately.
I thought about embracing that darkness but it felt wrong.
I just feel like i'm being pulled in two directions and i don't want to be.
I have been a pagan and yet i don't know why i call myself that because i refuse to do spells or rituals, i have always been unable to read tarot, always felt like God didn't want me to read them...but i still feel pulled.
But i want to come back to God, i think i'm just too scared.

Scared is good. It is a big step. Ask yourself which is scarier, to make that step towards God or to stay in the dark place?

God took the first step for you. His forgiveness is there for the taking. He is reaching out to you. The stirring in your heart is the work of the Holy Spirit. God always pulls you towards him and leads you to a greater reliance on him.

The tug in the other direction is scarier. There is no way of knowing what lies in the darkness. Pulls away from God are the work of the devil. He wants to get between you and God. He will pull you away, but then he leaves you in a mess on your own.

All you need to do is accept God's forgiveness. You have so much to gain and nothing to lose but some excess baggage of your past.

Once you know his love, you will never want to be far from his presence. Humble yourself before God and ask his forgiveness. Talk to him from your heart and invite him into your life. Ask for his protection from evil. Ask him to guide you and equip you for what lies ahead.

We are all on a journey. We do not know the way, but we know what lies down the road. There will be hardship and disappointment. But you do not have to bear it alone. God is not only your guide, but he will also carry your load if you let him. There will also be joy. And it does not have to end. Ever.

BTW, we are never lost, if we have him to light the way.

May his love surround you and protect you.

 

[bethdinsmore]

About the fear - maybe this quote of mine will ring a bell:
QUOTE:
A Christian friend of mine told some of her friends about me, because I had been demon oppressed before I was saved. They wanted to talk to me because they were in the occult, and had eventually gotten very frightened. They wanted out. (One was a Satanist, one was a black witch, and two were white witches.)


The person who seemed in the greatest immediate danger was a Satanist. (The Satan Seeker gives a good example of the types of things he did and things that happened to him).Through card reading, etc., the demons had told him that the wife of his parent's pastor would die within a week (it happened - she commited suicide). Later they told him that his father would die within a week (it happened - he had a heart attack). So when they told him he would one day die soon by fire or by water, he was terrified. At that time, he asked my friend to make an appointment for the three of us to meet. We did, and prayed daily for his safety. Because he was so terrified of making the demons angrier, he delayed for months before finally seeing me.


That particular day, the phone rang at 8:00am - I figured it was something really important, because my friends knew not to call around that time since I would be having daily devotions. Sure enough, it turned out to be my friend "Shirley". She said that "John" wanted to make an appointment to meet that night, for the first time. I was so happy, and told her that when the phone rang I had been praying for John's safety.

Long story short, while I was telling John that night about my occult experiences, Shirley interrupted all of a sudden and said, "Cathy was praying for your safety at eight this morning." John looked astonished, and said, "I was at the top of a long flight of concrete steps at that time - I had just looked at my watch. Though no one was behind me, I felt like someone shoved me in the back. I fell all the way down, but I wasn't hurt in the slightest." Eventually John left the occult and became a Christian,
and was never harmed. (The other friends, once they made the same choices, also were delivered from harm).” END QUOTE

I will add, however, that one former witch was lying when said she had destroyed all her occult things. She began losing her sight, and there was nothing the doctors could do. She was almost blind by the time she admitted she had kept her crystal ball "because it was too pretty to destroy". Since she refused to get rid of it, her Christian boyfriend took it away. Her vision cleared up immediately.

God bless and keep you, friend. Please let me know if I can help.
Aloha in Jesus

 

[TruthSetsYouFree]

Earthly,

The Lord is calling you to come back to Him and He's waiting to welcome you with open arms when you turn to Him!

There's a great teaching I recommend reading, it speaks of the forgiving nature of God! He longs (deeply desires) to have a living relationship with you!!

http://www.greatbiblestudy.com/forgiveness_of_sins.php

I hope this helps

Bobby