I am getting a divorce

[JonathonD]

It's been a year and a bit, and it's not working out, she has been drinking, I have anxiety and depression... It's just not working out...

 

[Sketcher]

It can still be salvaged, and it must be.

 

[RobinRedbreast]

It's been a year and a bit, and it's not working out, she has been drinking, I have anxiety and depression... It's just not working out...

I'm sorry to hear that. I'm also a divorced (now remarried) individual, and I also suffer from depression and anxiety though that had nothing to do with my divorce. Regardless of what has happened, divorce is not an easy road to travel, I highly recommend you look into counselling, al-anon for her, and personal counselling for you and your anxiety/depression.

Her drinking and your mental health doesn't just make marriage hard, it makes life hard. Dropping the marriage doesn't mean it's all suddenly going to get better, it just means that other things in life will go wrong. You need to address the issues, and not throw the baby out with the bathwater on this one.

 

[MrsSeptemberPenguin]

I would really encourage both you and your wife to receive counseling. It can still work out, but it will take work. Praying for you and your wife.

 

[Inkachu]

I am so glad to see people encouraging you to stick together and work this out. You're very young, and you're still a newlywed...don't throw this away so quickly. As was said above, very wisely, you and your wifes' issues are LIFE issues; even after a divorce, life will have the same issues.

I'm very sorry that you're going through this, and whatever you decide to do, I hope you will find support and encouragement here on the forum. I wish you the best!

 

[septemberskies]

It could still be worked out. Sit down and talk things through. I definitely think some counseling should be involved.

 

[Tink]

I'd encourage you to do as suggested above. I'd also like to encourage you to meditate on what the Bible says about divorce. I hope the best for the two of you.

 

[BoarderDave]

Those aren't things that would destroy a marriage. Those are things that COULD... but that's only if you let them.

She can battle drinking; you can be her support for it.

You can battle anxiety and depression; she can be your support.

Don't give up.

 

[HoosierCanuck]

I feel your pain. I was in the same position as you but I was 22 instead of 21. He ended up leaving anyway. He was the drinker and I was the one with the anxiety/depression. Sadly, I still have anxiety and depression. It had nothing to do with my marriage. It was intensified by the problems within that situation but it surely didn't go away when he did. I felt better after I accepted his decision but I still battle many of the same demons that I did 16 years ago. I don't know how he is on drinking. I heard he had gotten better but I've also heard some other things too. I don't keep up.

 

[Beauty4Ashes]

Those aren't things that would destroy a marriage. Those are things that COULD... but that's only if you let them.

She can battle drinking; you can be her support for it.

You can battle anxiety and depression; she can be your support.

Don't give up.

ya I think just about anything could destroy a marriage if you let it.

I agree, that you should go to counseling. Don't give up so easily. I've heard all kinds of stories of people who have worked through what seemed like hopeless situations, and were able to come out of it with a stronger and more satisfying relationship than they ever could have though. It takes work on both sides but I think there is hope if you are willing to put the effort in.

 

[ImperialPhantom]

I agree with the others. You're only 21 and I'm guessing she's of a similar age. You still both have a lot of growing up left to do between now and, say, 23-25, and it can work out.

 

[deliciousBass]

It's been a year and a bit, and it's not working out, she has been drinking, I have anxiety and depression... It's just not working out...

REALITY CHECK:

This is not a dating relationship. This is your marriage. You don't say "things just aren't working out."

You made vows to stay together for better or worse before God. Did you mean what you said? Personally, I don't think you have any kind of justification for divorce and if you go down that road you will regret it very much.

BTW, I am divorced, not by choice, and it sucked very hard. I suffered from anxiety and depression too. I highly recommend you get counseling, even by yourself if you have to. Don't be a quitter.

Marriage is about commitment and you are going to have cruddy times like these every once in a while. Especially if you get married young like you apparently did. Be a man, take it all in stride, and do what it takes to salvage your marriage. Even if she ends up leaving YOU, at least you know you did everything you could to better yourself and save it.