I am depressed

[pc_76]

Right now I'm in a depressed-feeling mood. I have anxiety about stuff that is outside of my control and I don't have any companions right now. Feels like I don't want to live anymore, even though I will never ideate suicide or harming myself. But the depressed hole feeling is very similar. I guess I also use the past as an escape. I wish I was my age today during no later than around the time I was just born. I don't like growing up as a young adult today.

I am also supposed to be "getting working on my life" but I still have anxieties and depression moments. I wonder if my mom ever had empathy either because it looked like she never empathized about my topical anxiety and my frustration, I would be told to stop worrying just from the get-go. I'm mad at her and my other superiors for acting this way.

Closing note, I understand other Christians notably will say I'd enjoy being in Heaven with God, but I have a different opinion I'd rather "re-incarnate" to another material-like alternative world when I'm finished living here or after Christ returns. I don't want absolute perfection or absolute suffering. Why can't there be a middle.

 

[Mel333]

It's going to be okay. Life is really tough, especially when you're isolated and family is hard. Have you thought about connecting to a local church? Hope you'll be okay.

 

[pc_76]

It's going to be okay. Life is really tough, especially when you're isolated and family is hard. Have you thought about connecting to a local church? Hope you'll be okay.

I guess that sounds good but I'm having a sort of dilemma with that because there is some aspects of the belief itself that I can't accept.

 

[Mel333]

That is tough.. I do understand.

Maybe you could go to the fellowship/morning tea and have a chat with people? Sometimes, it's a great place just to talk to others. I don't think you have to agree with everyone. Just hanging out with your local community can help. Or talking to your neighbours can help too. Or just going for a walk outside. Getting some fresh air.

I've just found when I get fixated on thinking about the past and family just makes everything harder to go forwards. It's dwelling on things that can hold us back. But easier said than done.

 

[High Fidelity]

I am hazy on what I can and can't suggest here, but I will say that I started anti-depressants 3 months ago and after years of depression and anxiety I am finally back in the driving seat of my life.

Of course 'your mileage may vary' as they say, but it's worth speaking with your doctor about your depression and anxiety and see what they say.

My anxiety was so bad that for years my resting heart rate was 80-85. It's now 65. Makes a huge difference and I feel I am back at square one but in a good way. I can continue forward on my terms now.

I wish you well.