I about give up

[flowerforever7]

I pretty much am about to give up on all the dreams I ever had for myself. No matter what I do, my life seems to be an exercise of futility. All of the dreams I wanted to accomplish it just looks like they are not going to happen. I'm tangled up by freakin OCD, and some of it I don't know if it is OCD or not. I am so aggravated and tired of trying; I think it's about time to just give up on all that I had ever hoped for and just accept the fact that I am not going to be able to do all that I wanted to. It really ticks me off, considering there are people out there who are freaking lazy and there are also pew warmers / luke warm Christians in the Church and all I want to do is use my gifts dilligently to bring people to Christ and yet it is almost impossible. The places I've called that offer OCD treatment charge 200 - 300 dollars a session for self pay which is what I would be right now as I don't have a job. I am so fed up.

Also, it seems like my life is never stable. I moved all the way out to another state to help my Mom and cannot find a job to support myself, so I need to move all the way back and get my old job. My life seems to never be stable enough to get a fighting chance at anything. My Mom may need to stay here as her health is declining and she needs supports in place; yet she needs extra help and I have not been able to find anyone but myself to assist her consistently for free. She could possibly move in with me if I go back up north to my old job, but what if I lose my job at any point? She is disabled and elderly and the state she is in is not accepting applications for section 8 vouchers for another 3-4 years. Then she gets put on a waiting list. So we can't even start the process of getting her a portability voucher here. Most HUD places the waiting list is 1 -5 years long, so if for any reason I lose my job up north, we are both in trouble.

I feel like in my life I am repeatedly raked over the coals by circumstances, and hidden disability. I am frustrated, and tired.

God forgive me for my rant, but this is how I feel. Hope this is not discouraging to anyone of you personally.

 

[followJesus1811]

This is really hard. And really painful too.

Hang in there. Try and remember of the life of Joseph. He was sold by his brothers, framed by Pharaoh's wife, and ended up in jail. It seemed like his life was hopeless and all was lost. But praise to the Lord, who loves to rescue us!!

"He sent from on high, he took me; he drew me out of many waters" psalm 18:16

"For it is you who light my lamp; the Lord my God lighten my darkness" Psalm 18:28

He still has a beautiful story for you. Right now you cannot see it. Stop looking at your OCD and look to Christ! He is the one who shed His blood and was raised from the dead for your justification!

 

[BeccaLynn]

Sometimes I think we just need to be able to vent. You know that you're loved by God and so many on this forum, and you can trust your feelings with us and with Him.

There was a man I remember who posted a long time ago who said something that I've always remembered. He was taking a run one day and just spouting out frustrations at God for how the seemingly blasphemous thoughts that he dealt with were bombarding and overwhelming to him. He said that when he was finished, it's like God said, "Are you finished?" Like it was okay that he needed to get it off his chest and it was safe to entrust all those emotions with him.

Another man on a Christian television program said that he was so fed up with things in his life that he just began yelling at God, or something like that, and releasing things that had been bottled up inside him for a long time. He said that's when his healing actually began. I'm not by any means suggesting that we make it a habit of yelling at God. I do think it means that, at our lowest points in life, God is still working in our behalves . . . maybe even more so during those times. Sometimes to me it seemed like endlessly banging my head against an invisible wall that I just couldn't get through. However, hopelessness is actually an illusion of the enemy.

I know so many things are weighing you down, but you can be real with Him. He wants you to be. Sometimes I just imagine myself in the arms of Jesus being held as close as a small child, and being safe. It's also during those times too when I seem to be able to be the most honest with myself and with Him about what I'm going through.

I know how you feel about the expense of everything too. I've so often felt stuck in my emotional and financial state, and was angry because I knew I needed help, yet couldn't pay to get it. I could've just screamed. Actually, I probably did. However, a minister friend I've spoken about on here before has helped me tremendously. I've learned not to just trust my struggles with anyone. People who don't understand about ocd are often not ones to open up to about this unless they are compassionate and not the judgmental type. Do you attend a particular church? If so, do you think you could speak with the pastor and see if he/she counsels people? It might help to ask him/her is he/she has counseled anyone with ocd before too. If not, then sometimes there are Christian organizations or other churches that offer counseling for free or for a much more reasonable rate than most places. Could you call around to find out.

I know that you're not wanting to move back to where you were, but even if you end up doing that, God will take care of you and works all things out for our best. Do you ever just relax or is everything always about trying to figure out your life? Maybe it would help to just step back and do something you enjoy . . . no feeling guilty about it.

Hugs and Prayers!

 

[OCD=Owie]

I'm sorry that you and your mom are in such a rough spot flower. I can't imagine how all of this must feel.

Everyone has their own struggles in life, some have more than others I think. But don't view yourself as a failure. All you can do is do God's will to the best of your ability. That's all that He wants. Just because you haven't become what you imagined would be helpful to God, doesn't mean that you aren't helpful to Him.

If you've been striving to do God's will, which is what it sounds like you've been doing, then you've done what God wants for you. Don't beat yourself up for what you are!

 

[redblue22]

what are the dreams you have for your life?

 

[tripletiger1200]

I don't have much advice to give you, just that I'll pray for you.
Jeremiah 29:11

New International Version (NIV)

11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

 

[Tonyy2]

I can see it must be tough. But keep going. Try to have Faith in God. You have put some encouraging posts here and have helped alot of people. We all go through this OCD thing but we know that the Creator of everything is smarter than "OCD" and He gets what we go through. Try to look to Him and lean.We all care and He that is bigger than everything Loves us

 

[canamer]

All of the dreams I wanted to accomplish it just looks like they are not going to happen. I'm tangled up by freakin OCD, and some of it I don't know if it is OCD or not. I am so aggravated and tired of trying; I think it's about time to just give up on all that I had ever hoped for and just accept the fact that I am not going to be able to do all that I wanted to. It really ticks me off, considering there are people out there who are freaking lazy and there are also pew warmers / luke warm Christians in the Church and all I want to do is use my gifts dilligently to bring people to Christ and yet it is almost impossible.

Don't be discouraged. God is not surprised (at all) about your OCD and neither is he somehow handicapped as far as being able to bring HIS dream that he has for you to fruition just because you have OCD.

If you look in the Bible you will see that essentially every major Bible character had a major flaw. And yet.... God still used them powerfully and we know them as pretty important Biblical historical figures now!

Remember, God is all about seeing that he gets the credit for doing amazing things. Is it then any surprise that he specializes in using the 'weaker' and seemingly 'less able' people in this world to do the greatest things through? No way. See, if he uses somebody that everybody else has written off to do something great then he - God - will get the credit, as it should be.

You are exactly where you need to be right now. I know it's not easy. We all have the same thoughts about this and we wonder how in the world we could be used for anything remotely worthwhile. But we will be used... and we are already being used.... even now by God.

Keep being faithful in the little things. Keep showing up every day. Even though it's difficult. God will richly bless you for that and he WILL make you a blessing to others - guaranteed. Someday you will see the bigger picture and then it will all make sense to you.

 

[kodadog1024]

Never Ever Give Up. (NEGU). Google it. It will inspire you to push through the crap, knowing Christ is "right" behind you, pushing you towards something better than you might have never imagined. Prayers going out to you.

 

[Christian-Catholic]

Flower, please check your local city or state run mental health facility. I was also frustrated because of the high prices being charged per session until I found them. They only charged me 159 a year including meds so this service is most likely there for you.

I also had a friend in la who was taking care of his elderly grandmother and I believe he also eventually got paid to do this

Have you also checked with ssi to see if you qualify for that

 

[kaykay9.0]

Flower, please check your local city or state run mental health facility. I was also frustrated because of the high prices being charged per session until I found them. They only charged me 159 a year including meds so this service is most likely there for you.

I also had a friend in la who was taking care of his elderly grandmother and I believe he also eventually got paid to do this

Have you also checked with ssi to see if you qualify for that

I was wondering the same thing... If you might qualify to take care of her and be paid to do so. Like Christian said above, I know in some states and situations, this is indeed done.

 

[patsyjean89]

I am praying for you!