husband problems.

[coolchicka]

Husband wont hardly let me see my friend cause he says they are not good for me when he bairly knows them. If a friend wants to hang out with me I am evenscared to tell him im going out cause I know that I will spend at least a hour Argueing with him about it. Then he will say stuff like well if ur car breaks down don't ask me get ur so called friends to fix it. If u need money help don't ask me see if ur so called friends will lend u it. Im done helping ur friends are more important. Maybe I should leave u. He's even came running out before throwing stuff at the car and even followed me in another car once riding too close behind me then passing me angerly. I've even been having my clothes and personal clothes items and perfume come up missing I discovered some of it hidden in his stuff before that I looked through when he was gone. Then he says I notice some of ur. Clothes come missing I bet ur so called friends took them.


Thinks its not right for a wife to stay the night at a friends place.

 

[Puptart]

Your husband is displaying patterns of abuse. You need to understand immediately that this is not acceptable.

How long has this been going on, and has it just been with this one friend, or is it with all of your friends? Has it been throughout the whole marriage?

 

[LinkH]

The main thing is to please God with your relationship. Lots of things your husband has said aren't good things that a man should say to his wife. Of course, after an hour of arguing, some people say things they should not.

But why are you arguing with him over this. If he doesn't want you to see this friend, don't see her. What is your duty as a wife in this regard? Read I Peter 3:1,5-6. Maybe he is being unreasonable. I don't know what his problem is with your friend. But even if he is, you do your part. If you talk about it with him, do it calmly, not in an argument. You can even read I Peter 3 to him and tell him that's why your not arguing with him about it. You could encourage him to treat you with the proper honor, too.

Husbands and wives have different roles, but if my wife didn't want me going out with some friend at night, and felt that bad about it, I probably wouldn't do it. You can't put a friendship above your relationship with one of your girlfriends above your husband. (I'm assuming this is a woman. If it's a guy, I know why he would be upset.) You may have to stop hanging out with the girls and spend time with your husband. It's called marriage. You can't do the single friend thing as much anymore. And if he thinks this particular friend is bad news, you can stop hanging out with her, and he may come around. You can also ask him if it is okay if you all spend some time together.

If she's the type of friend to say stuff like dump that loser, or stuff like that, or encouraging you to drink a lot, or other things like that, he may have picked up on it. If she is like that, you probably shouldn't be hanging out with her. If she's a decent person, still, put your marriage first. Maybe he'll agree to get to know her some and that may alleviate the tension.

It sounds like your husband may have some 'issues.' Have you two tried going to your pastor for some counseling and maybe a referral to someone who can help you with these issues?

Btw, for the sake of us over 30 folks, can you type in English rather than that text message stuff. It's hard to make that out.

 

[flyff]

What advice all need said out, if your husband doesn't like you said these that can let his friend from another Angle told him.

 

[LinkH]

What advice all need said out, if your husband doesn't like you said these that can let his friend from another Angle told him.

Maybe you could type that out in your language and then run it through Google Translate and post the output.

 

[SiyoNqoba]

Is this just one friend, or is it all of your friends?

 

[MessianicMommy]

I'm going to echo SiyoNqoba and Puptart. It sounds abusive - especially the gaslighting effect there with him hiding items you have and blaming others.

Is he cutting you off from some or all of your friends? Family?

 

[hoog]

Deleted

 

[Leggomyegolas]

He sounds like a control freak. Of course, I imagine if we heard his side of the story, he would paint a completely different picture.

 

[waxlion10]

Red flags everywhere, sister!

We don't know the intricacies of your relationship, but what you have described so far sounds potentially abusive.

Husband wont hardly let me see my friend cause he says they are not good for me when he bairly knows them. If a friend wants to hang out with me I am evenscared to tell him im going out cause I know that I will spend at least a hour Argueing with him about it.

You should not be scared of him. A marriage relationship is supposed to be a safe place. Do you often feel like you're walking on eggshells around him??

Then he will say stuff like well if ur car breaks down don't ask me get ur so called friends to fix it. If u need money help don't ask me see if ur so called friends will lend u it.

This is manipulative behavior on his part. It seems to me like he's trying to get you to choose him or your friends. Also, he is saying "so-called friends," implying that they are not really your friends. And, like you said, he doesn't even know them!

Im done helping ur friends are more important. Maybe I should leave u.

Again, manipulating you.

He's even came running out before throwing stuff at the car and even followed me in another car once riding too close behind me then passing me angerly.

Throwing things at your car is not acceptable. Him following you closely and then passing you angrily (I assume you mean speeding past?) is not acceptable. Those are both unsafe actions that jeopardize your physical safety.

I've even been having my clothes and personal clothes items and perfume come up missing I discovered some of it hidden in his stuff before that I looked through when he was gone. Then he says I notice some of ur. Clothes come missing I bet ur so called friends took them.


Thinks its not right for a wife to stay the night at a friends place.

The issue here is NOT about you having friends. He is exhibiting controlling, abusive, manipulative behavior, and he needs help.

 

[LinkH]

Just curious. Does he act strange or scary when you just do what he says?

 

[Avniel]

Why does he not like your friends? Have you cheated on him in the past? Has your friends done drugs? Do the drink? Where do you go when you go out with your friends? Do they cheat? Are they married?

My wife has some college friends that she doesn't hang out with per my request. The reason being I don't want my wife hanging out with women that are loose and have sex randomly.

So I am wondering if he's acting out for a specific reason or he is abusive. I need some back ground before I say so

 

[waxlion10]

Why does he not like your friends? Have you cheated on him in the past? Has your friends done drugs? Do the drink? Where do you go when you go out with your friends? Do they cheat? Are they married?

My wife has some college friends that she doesn't hang out with per my request. The reason being I don't want my wife hanging out with women that are loose and have sex randomly.

So I am wondering if he's acting out for a specific reason or he is abusive. I need some back ground before I say so

Despite what her friends might be like, if you look at the rest of what she wrote, the way her husband treats her is manipulative. The OP said he hasn't even met/doesn't even know her friends.

 

[coolchicka]

No this is pretty much all my friends. He has even kicked a dent in my car I went to live with my aunt fir a month and all he did was one min cahaul yku bscj ll me names to im going to kill myself to im going to say u did this and this to me and have the cops out there in that state haul you back . To one min is it ok if I go talk to a hot chick.

 

[coolchicka]

I've even had him hear my friend on the phone before so he know I was with her. Ams still we argue before I go to see her oh your going to go play patty cakes with your girlfriend and other sexual remarks im not saying in here.

 

[coolchicka]

Sorry the writing isn't the best im using my phone.

 

[Blessedj01]

I really hope you can sort out this problem. I suggest telling your husband in as gentle tone as possible, exactly how you feel about the way he's talking to you and treating you. You need to tell him straight up that he's being abusive and that he can't treat you disrespectfully. I think it's best you approach it head on as guys can get used to acting like jerks. My ex girlfriend had to get angry with me and lay down some ultimatums before I actually was ready to admit I was being disrespectful to her. I didn't budge entirely and we argued about it, but I ended up treating her better after she told me the things I was doing that she didn't like.

 

[MessianicMommy]

sounds like you need to call a DV center when he's not around and take what you can and go ASAP. Get a restraining order against him while there and talk with a domestic abuse counselor.

They HAVE to protect you. It does not matter what your DH thinks he is, but even as a policeman he is not allowed to stalk, threaten, or harm you.

 

[coolchicka]

He. Cooked me some food then got mad that I wanted to heat it up longer dumpe d his plate with mine and said he is going to go get a pizzaand stormed off on the bike.

 

[Romanseight2005]

Your husband hiding stuff to frame your friends is weird and may be a sign of something more dangerous. Threatening divorce and saying mean thins is wrong and sounds verbally abusive. We’ve all said mean things in the heat of an argument. I would like to know why he doesn’t like this friend/friends you want to hang out with.
Does he see something you don’t?
Is it just unhealthy jealousy on his part?
Is your friend a man or woman?
Why do you want to stay at your friend’s house?
Do you or did you in the past do something with this friend that a Christian wife should not do?
Finally you may not like it, living biblically isn’t always easy, but there is only one post on here that used scripture. It was LINKH who posted [FONT='Verdana','sans-serif']I Peter 3:1, 5-6.[/font]

How about this?
Colossians 3:19

19 Husbands , love your wives and do not be harsh with them.
NIV

Colossians 3:19

19 Husbands , love your wives and do not be harsh with them.
NIV

Or this one

1 Peter 3:7

7 Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.
NIV