Husband Help

[Memory's Flame]

Tonight my best girl friend came over to talk. She was in tears, which isn't normal for her bubbly personality.

Her husband told her last night about a girl that he works with. (They are college students, and he is a manager at a local Pizza Place.) This girl had a crush on him, and he told her(his wife) that he thought a lot about this other girl. He admired a lot of things about her (namely her morals) because he and his wife had problems in the past. He continued to tell her things about this girl; which she took as "She's so wonderful because she's not you."

Nicole (my friend) kept this inside her for the past few months, and tonight when she went to visit Mike (her husband) at work this other girl was working too. It set Nicole off and she came here to cry.

I didn't know what to tell her. She wants my advice, but I have no idea what to say! I need some help because I want to be a good friend and help her get over this and move on. She wants to work her relationship and make it last, and so does he (I've asked him many times throughout their problems) but she doesn't know if she can forgive this.

I told her to speak with God about this, but she wants more advice! I am at a loss for words, can someone please PLEASE help?

!! Thank you!

 

[Mr.Cheese]

Hmm...it doesn't sound like he's done anything wrong by what you have said here. Now, stupid...yeah. You have to be careful about stuff like this. "Hi honey. You know, I work with this great, wonderful girl. Yadda yadda yadda." That's called grabbing a shovel and digging a hole for yourself. Now, if this guy is starting to like this girl, then he needs to remember the line about, "Forsaking all others." There's lots of cool girls out there. But when you've picked the one you want to be with, she must remain the queen of your world till the day you die. The days of competition for that seat are over.
These two need to learn to talk this stuff out without getting fights over it. She needs to tell him how she feels. What may or may not be a problem is fixing to be a real big problem unless they work this out.

 

[panterapat]

She needs to lay her cards on the table and have a rational discussion with her husband about her feelings. Perhaps a marriage encounter or a get-away weekend would help. But communication is essential.

 

[Memory's Flame]

Thank you Mr. Cheese! And PanteraPat!

She agrees that he hasn't done anything wrong; just that she is hurt by it all... which I can understand...that has to be a major blow to your confidance!!

I just am not sure what to tell her... because she loves him, and I know he loves her...she just doesn't think he does anymore!

I will suggest a couples weekend

 

[LAMan4Him]

Men sometimes just give raw information... i know i have in the past. Men can admire other qualities in a woman... and use wisdom... I know I have admired qualities in other women that are pure and good. Smartly, I only bring up the ones i can edify my wife with.... ie "Jennifer was really creative at work today, you know it made me miss you more because that is one of the things i love about you". I think a couple's ministry would be a good place or even pastoral counceling... sometimes men just need to hear it from another man.

I feel sorry for your friend that she is so hurt by this... I wil pray for her and her marriage

 

[E-beth]

I think the husband is almost asking for permission to cheat. I think he is guaging her reaction about the whole thing. If she keeps quiet, he might interpret that as she doesn't mind.

Your friend needs to lay down the law. She needs to tell her husband what behavior is and is not acceptable. If he sincerely wants to make it work, he will stay on the side of the line where he is supposed to be. Also, if he is a Christian, he ought to find an accountability partner.

Your friend also might have a bad self-esteem issue. Just listen to her at all times, just listen, and build her up. Support her in her decisions, and pray for her.

 

[Memory's Flame]

I talked to the husband a little bit today. He actually brought the situation up... which shocked me!

He said that he felt bad because everything he said came out wrong. And that he understands her being hurt...

Then he asked for my advice! UGH! Why Me?!?! What am I? A Shrink? Maybe I should get one of those stands like lucy has in Peanuts!

I told him couples counseling... so we'll see...

But I still can't seem to get through to her... she said she wants to be over it; but that she's still hurt deeply and wants to help herself move on...

 

[Mr.Cheese]

Communication. You sit down and talk it out. I think most problems arise out of a misunderstanding that hasn't been worked out. It sounds like they're on the right track. In a marriage, you defer to the wife in a situation like this.

 

[LAMan4Him]

I still think working through a Pastor can help.... if a pastor gets involved it can be a non-threatening supportive environment.... I would stay out of being in the middle...
Good luck..and I am glad they both see what they really want...

 

[GREG]

praying