Hurting from anxiety and panic? Think is will never end? Think again!

This is long - solve at bottom - I had suffered from this for many years. Hope my solves may help you. From the age of 10, I knew something just wasn't right. Maybe it was a chem imbalance, genetic precursor, or life situation or all 3 that led to my boughts with anxiety, panic and depression. I think a combo of all 3.

I remember it all started at the age of 10 going to a new school! Switching schools was tramatic for me. I also had always won fights beating up bullys who started with me and so no one bothered me in that respect until end of my 5th grade year when a big heavy-set kid that was half my weight again decided to wrestle me. I thought it was friendly and I couldn't wrestle well against him and he got me down on the ground and wouldn't let me up.

Next thing I know my confidence was hurt and then he began antagonizing me every day until the summer. A couple of times he got me down on the ground again and I was so afraid mentally that I never put up a fight. I remember the burning feeling in the back of my head I was so MAD at myself for being afraid. But he looked HUGE compared to me and was and I was just too afraid to act. I guess today it would be like someone 5'10" and 150 pounds fighting someone 6'3" and 250 pounds as to the difference in size. He even beat me up in front of a brother and sister who finally kicked him off me.

So, this continued on a few more times. I was not the only one, plenty of other kids got beat on. By then I just thought myself a loser and stopped seeing friends and went totally inside myself. My mentality was yo uare a winner or loser and I was a loser.

By the time the new school came around I was panic-ing over it and had barely enough energy to get through the day without having a serious attack. My grades went way down to c's and d's! I lost all friends and all confidence! I felt like a wrung out dish rag..10 years old!! This continued a wave of negativity that I tried to hide but once the grades started getting bad it started another cycle against me. Over and over c,d,F grades. It was pounded into my mind and I still have bad dreams about grades today. As you can imagine that led to more embarrassing moments in life. I stopped having the panic after a year of 6th grade until 9th grade came along. Then I had the panic and depression all over again. What made it worse was that I didn't even know what was wrong! I thought I was a banana case! It prevented me from even wanting to get a license or go out or make any friends.

In my junior year I prayed that God would let me have some kind of fun in life instead of this dismall existence. He placed a friend in my life that out of no-where that I let drive my car. He wrecked it into a curb, and I ended up getting in a lot of trouble but he promised that if I didn't tell his parents, he would help me out with some of my troubles.

This friend handed me down some nice oxford dress shirts, took me to some parties, and showed me how to fit in and come alive. It worked. God answered my prayer.

I still had depression and anxiety and would drink alcohol to push it back. that worked too for a while. All of this spiraled into me getting more confidence. I began lifting heavy weights, doing martial arts and got several belts from 2 different studies. Then my parents said unlike my other 2 bro's and sisters, I was going to college so I applied. My grades we average but the school was all girls - going to co-ed and they wanted guys by the grace - I don't know how? - I was let in - no sat's aor anything.

My study habits were terrible, and I had trouble concentrating - got bad grades at first but my mom helped me to get focused and hunker down. My grades went to B's and I did better and graduated. I still drank to avoid the panic and depr.

FAST FORWARD ->
I hit another barrier in my life at 27yrs old. I was in a job I hated under alot of pressure to make money and SELL and had basically failed (in my mind) at the previous sales job I had and failing to make the grade in the job I was in. Pass or FAil in my mind, no middle ground. I started to get those weird feelings of anxiety again and was reminded of the exact same feelings from when I was 10 years old. The alcohol and parties of the years started to slow down and I was getting bad reactions to alcohol so I had to stop even the light party drinking I did. The feelings were getting worse, my heart was racing regularly, I couldn't sleep and then had my worst full blown panic attack in years. I thought I was going to die, have a heart attack, lost all confidence in myself immediately, and had to get out of the room!

God had answered my prayers again and he was pulling this problem back out of me. It hurt, ALOT. I went to a therapist and found out what I was experiencing was panic, anxiety and depression that I could not pull myself out of. I had fought it for nearly 20 years but it was catching up. I asked for medication because I just couldn't take the pain for much longer (no sane human being could). I was not suicidal just in ALOT of pain. I lost 25 pounds and had no energy. Those of you who have been there, know what I mean.

The meds helped raise my low seretonin levels and I was getting better. During this process, I learned all about my problem and that it was more physical than situation or mental. I was at the point of a physical/chemical imbalance that needed meds. Partially because I had suffered so long without diagnosis. If you feel this happening don't wait! Go see someone and get help. Anyway, this also helped me to get to know myself. If you go through life just taking whatever comes your way onto your shoulders without knowing who you are or how things effect you, you are headed for trouble.

Things that helped me:

#1 If you think you have a problem, don't be afraid to seek help and pray as well. Sometimes this requires meds to replace something missing. No big deal. Take half of any normal human beings seretonin and they will drop to the floor crying, plain and simple. If you think you have this problem, seek help from a doctor.

#2 Get to know yourself. This is extremely important and missed entirely by people with anxiety problems. I didn't know what was wrong because I really didn't know what I could or couldn't hande, likes or dislikes!

I hated sales and had severe anxiety just picking up the phone after a while. It wasn't for me even though I had the "look" for it. Listen to yourself not who everyone else THINKS you are. I wasn't paying attention to myself and my body.

I am in a different profession now and doing well. I know myself much better, what I can handle and not handle. I even found out that I was not stupid and have an above avg IQ. The reason for the trouble with school was the distraction from the panic and anxiety.

#3 Learn your triggers. Is it compulsive negative thinking? That could be 50% of it. GUARD YOUR THOUGHTS! You will be suprised that one day you are feeling bad and don't know why and can almost always trace it back to a NEGATIVE THOUGHT or even literally thousands of them a day. REPLACE IT REPLACE IT REPLACE IT with a more rational or positive thought. 99% of the time the negative thought never comes to pass.

What causes you stress? Job pressure? family? bills/ Look for ways to solve this. You can't solve it until you know what is really the problem. You may just have been born with a basic imbalance. This may take a while to figure out but do what is best for you. I take the meds down to a low dose because it creates a "floor" for me during tough times. AND Don't try to explain this to anyone who has not suffered with it or even some people who have. Many of them just don't get it and never will. Hope this helps and God bless you all.

Music4Hym777, one thing you can do that sounds trivial but really it works very well to bring you back around to center is to focus on the breathing immediately if you feel an anxiety attack coming on. Breath in slowly and then breath out slowly for a little while and just focus on this until you feel better.

I am glad you are getting something out of this thread! There are many people suffering from these things and what may seem like a non-sense worry or trigger for me may be a tough one for you. I used to say "Why is he so worried about that? BUT everyone is different. I learned to respect everyone's concerns fears and worries after this happened to me.

Also, one thing I left out was that I was mad at God for about 2-4 years after this happened but I realize now that he had only given me what I prayed for and was bringing the pain out of me. I still have a bit of a struggle with anger sometimes that I was put in such a low place but I am coming around. It was very painful too. I remember rathering my hand be cut off than to feel such mental pain. But you will and do get better.

"I've also learned that NOBODY can determine or tell me how to walk in my faith. How I do my walk is between me and God and is nobody elses business."

This makes alot of sense. Thanks for sharing too!

"He has been on prozac for about 3 weeks now and it is slowly starting to take affect."

Yes, this is about the time it takes to start feeling better because it will begin to help raise the seretonin back to normal levels to help you help yourself. Also, be careful with teenagers when they are taking these aids. Just watch him and make sure he is communicating that he doesn't feel overly aggressive or anything. And tell him this is as normal as taking medication for something like diabetes and not to feel ashamed. There is a stigma to anything people have to take when dealing with emotions I don't know why. It's simply a missing chem that in some cases, not always, needs meds to get it back up. Some people may need it for 6 months, some people may need it forever. No need for him to overthink it. He is going to be just fine. God bless!

Thanks heffalump_hunter! I am glad you are doinb better. Sometimes the triggers are real hard to find. This was the case for me especially because I considered not being able to handle..well..any task unacceptible. But that's just dumb thinking. There are some things that you can handle and I can't and vice versa. That's just the way we are and no one is a superman or woman, there's cryptonite for everyone. So I have accepted that some tasks or jobs or situations are not for me. It doesn't mean I am weak. But I was always "pass" or "fail." You know? So, I used to refuse to even acknowledge or realize that certain things bothered me. Then one day, it all came up and smacked me upside the head. OUCH!

One way I would suggest is to try to track when you feel good or bad and what happened just before or following up to that. Was it an INTERNAL source..a thought? Was it an EXTERNAL source? A person? Event? For me it was the daily activities of my job for one. My heart would beat at 100bpm just picking up the phone to make a sales call. I HATED IT! BUT everything was pass or fail so I HAD to be successful at whatever I tried no matter what the cost. This constant andrenalyn sp? rush was very bad. The monthly sales goals were rediculous and I found out later that they drove each person HARD for a year or until they burned out just to raise co profitability so they could sell the company. I was in the wrong profession, wrong company at the wrong time. This was just ONE of the triggers. A daily pounding that I thought I had to take.

vbmenu_register("postmenu_15430179", true);

Sure Nilahk81. Sounds like your triggers are the financial difficulty, and current family living situation. Sheesh, I had similar issues about 10 years ago when I was living with my inlaws. They happened to be the kindest people in the world and you know what? We STILL felt like the house was a pressure cooker. Part of it was my fault really but that's another story.

Sounds like the good thing going is that you and DH have a good relationship? I would make sure you continue to stay close. Part of your stress probably comes from your spouse being stressed because of a pull from the parents, he's also stressed because he hates his job, financial difficulties, etc. God help you if you have got it bad at work AND at home! OUCH! Most people can handle one or the other, not both.

The key for me was that I NEEDED the meds to stop the unhealthy panic bombardments so that I could take my attention OFF the dep and panic and anxiety and redirect my attention to a solution. I know myself but I don't know you. I am simply telling you what worked for me. The meds were like a shield for me that I couldn't get from anywhere else no matter what. I thanked God I live in a time where there are such meds to balance me out during those troubled times. If you are both having panic that you can't control on your own then it may be a case where your body's seretonin is below normal right now. Maybe you CAN'T get it back up on your own or need meds just like someone can't CURE themselves of diabetes. It may be only temporary until you pull yourselves out with God's help.

After you start feeling more relaxed and shielded, then you can focus on a plan. It maybe require doing your best to get along with the parents until you can move on. For me? I have to go out and further my education and build a whole new career. First, I did some on-line carrer assessments (good ones). I think I payed like $14 for one or you can ghet a book with personality/career tests at the library or maybe even free online. The free ones can come up totally FALSE thopugh b/c they just want to sell you something. Watch out.

Then he or both of you can decide what career direction to take and go check out or buy the materials/books needed to learn that profession. You'd be surprised what you can handle AND learn when not so bombarded with panic/anxiety, etc. That's a start. I hope this makes some sense and helps you both. Just be there for each other. My spouses support was 50% of my recovery.

I hope I am not harping on the meds too much. You know yourselves better than I do but for some people it is needed. I was on my knees before I went that route but it was the right thing for me to do.

Nilahk81, I wish you and your spouse the best and have prayed for you. God bless you both and I pray that the Lord guides you in the right direction to do what is absolutely best for you.

You both have goals. That is very important. Keep your eyes on the goal! Do your best to bear with his family for now. Maybe take walks, spend less time under that roof so you don't have to deal with them as much. vbmenu_register("postmenu_15522719", true);

"I thought it would be wrong to erly on meds, no offence to those who do, it's jsut, I've always tried to rely on God, but now, i think God is trying to tell me that sometimes he wants me to get outside help, and that that can be relying on him too, because he is the one who led me to the docs about depression and anxiety!"

You are right. It is just like diabetes or something as serious. Those of us (including yourself) who have been though this understand. It would be nearly a sin not to take the medication in efforts to get better. I like the fact that your doc tried something else first. You know, I remember not getting sleep b/c of anxiety. That definitely added to stress b/c sleep is supossed to help the body heal as long as it is not too severe of an issue. I would avoid the meds unless you really think you need them.