Hurt someone.

[DangerBob]

I met a Christian woman at work that I am certian that I hurt.

She intrigues me, and we seemed to have some things in common, however, she is somewhat older than I am and has kids. My view on Christianity is somewhat different than hers is.

So I started to get to know her, with the intent on becoming friends, but that's as far as things go, as I already have a girlfriend.

I am the sort of person that has few friends, but they are all close friends.
Anyhow, she got the wrong idea. She thought that I was interested in dating her, which, to be honest, would be a consideration if I wasn't already involved, but I am in no way considering breaking it off with my girlfriend.

Anyhow, since she found out about my girlfriend, and that I wasn't inte5rested in much more than friendship, she hasn't said a word to me, has not made eye contact, NOTHING. Thsi was about a month ago.

I feel terrible about the situation. I can easily see how my behavior may have led her on. I can also understand that as an older woman with children, that it may be hard for her to meet potential people to be romantically involved with.

I want to make things up to her, but I don't want to offend her. She's VERY conservative.

For the last month, I have'n't really persued any contact with her, as I think that she is upset with me, and needs to have a little space.

However, this thing is burning me up inside.

I ask for any idea's in how I can handle this.
I also ask for your prayers.

Thank you.

-James

 

[KeilCoppes]

James,
I don't have an easy answer, but I do have an answer. Number one, you do need to realize that although made in the image of God, you are a human being - that means you will make mistakes, and dealing with other human beings, both of you will have difficulties. I don't have any easy solutions.

However, there are some general principles that I would recommend and that I work to live by
1) If you think you did something wrong, even innocently, repent before God and get it straight with Him. There is absolutely .nothing. that He cannot redeem in the ultimate sense, and that is the foundational place we need to keep things straight.
2) Realize that you can't change the past. The past is gone, and once God has forgiven it, if you surrender totally to His judgement rather than your own, the guilt should be gone as well. Let the past go. You need to work on the future.
3) If you have a problem with someone that you think you've wronged and even more a Christian (and this is a hard one) - go and ask for their forgiveness - and make sure the words aren't 'I'm sorry', but rather "I sinned by...", or "I was wrong to..." and "Will you forgive me?" Step up to the plate and lay it on the line. They may not forgive you, but you will have done all you can do and be straight before God and before men. You can't control how they react, but you can do the right thing to the best of your ability and your conscience should be clear. They are responsible themselves for how they react. If they don't forgive, they need to answer before God themselves. After that, start over and live.

Many days I start over again. But that is the way of living as a Christian who is finite and a sinner. Do your best, work to the best of your ability. When you fall, square with God, try to square with men, and then go on. God will never forsake you and He will never turn you away. He remains faithful - He cannot deny Himself. I hope it helps.

Keil C
Denver, CO, denverprovidence.org

 

[wvmtnkid]

James-

My viewpoint comes from someone who has been in the shoes of the woman you have feel you have hurt. I have been in her shoes. I can't speak for her, but I can maybe give you a little insight to what she may be feeling and thinking.

She's avoiding you because she feels a little stupid and used. I know that perhaps that isn't what you intended, but nevertheless, that is how she feels. Now having to see you is a reminder of all these feelings that she has about reading things the wrong way. I don't say this to make you feel worse about the situation, but just to try and help you see how she is looking at the situation.

I think it is really an admirable thing that you want to make things right with her. You don't know how many times I have wished that the person that did this to me would ask for my forgiveness. That they would just come to me and say that they were sorry. It might not heal things overnight, but I think that it would go a long way in sitting things right again.

I think that if you should just approach her sincerely and tell her that you would like to talk with her, that you feel that there is something that you need to straighten out between the two of you. And just be honest with her, tell her what you told us. Don't let her think there is a relationship for the two of you in the future if there will never be one, but just let her know that you are sorry that you have hurt her and that wasn't your intent. Be prepared for her to pour some of her feelings on you, because to have closure that may be what she needs to do. But most of all, own up to what you did, and let her see that you are sorry for your actions. Sometimes that is all we need, is to know that when we have been hurt, the person that did the hurting is truly sorry.

Let us know how things go. Will pray for you and the woman involved.

 

[Proverbs 31 Woman]

I agree with wvmtnkid, speaking as a woman who is in that position right now. Just be careful in your future interactions with females. Watch your actions like phone calls and hanging out.

 

[tyberium]

Just tell her how you feel and what is going on. Tell her you did not mean to hurt her feelings. If you want to still be friends I would add that too, but I would be totally honest with her. I know it is hard, but keeping a secret, holding a grudge, or just being quiet can really tear at a persons heart. By you telling her how you felt when you two met I am sure she will understand. If I were her I would feel more imbarrased about this than anything. If this is the way she feels she will probably not talk to you until you talk to her.

 

[Jenster]

James,

I agree with the advice given here, and also encourage you to ask for this woman's forgiveness. It is the best way to take responsibility for the situation. I've heard people say "I can't change what happened," and while that's true, you can help her change how she feels about what happened. And that's what counts.

I'd also like to say that if you are in any way a flirtatious person, you'd be well advised to learn how to behave more platonicly. I personally have been offended by someone who used the "charm offensive" on me, when he had no interest. It was terribly confusing.

I noticed you also said that this woman "intrigued" you and that you might have dated her had you not been with your girlfriend. Well, that right there suggests that this woman might have thought you two had potential and it's understandable she got sucked in.

I always advocate mentioning the existence of bfs and gfs when befriending someone of the opposite sex. Almost immediately in fact. A man I dated once protested that idea, saying it felt "awkward." I feel it's only awkward for those wanting to play both sides of the fence (or whatever that phrase is .. . -- who wants to appear unattached for some self-serving reason.

It's not so hard to say, "My gf and I went to a movie this weekend," now is it?

Alright ... getting off my soapbox. Good luck, James, and please talk with your co-worker soon.

P.S. I compliment you for your conscience and desire to make things right. I'm glad to see it.

 

[Stanfi]

James,

I agree with what has already been said. Take responsibility for your actions, don't let pride get in the way of admitting that you did something wrong. Ask God to forgive you, and then ask this woman to forgive you. Talk to her, and be honest and sincere, don't treat this sitatution like it doesn't matter, because it does to her she had a glimmer of hope, and that has been taken away. She is probably getting tired of feelilng unwanted.

 

[Tuffguy]

Sit her down and tell her whats up. If she doesn't have the guts to come up and tell you why shes ticked then shes probally immature. Course none of us really know what you told the girl. Just tell her you're sorry and that you never meant it to go that far.

Anyway,,,keeping your pen outta the company ink is always a good way to go.