I wanted people who were parents' input on this.
Anyway, my relationship with my parents has always been, rocky. After I moved out in college it got better, but we still can't spend very much time around each other without driving each other up the walls. Due to this, and just generally being different than the rest of my family, I've always been somewhat of an outsider among them. I'm not, but I'm the one in the family that's the last to know everything (if not occasionally left out of the loop entirely). I was talking to my fiancee the other night about how my sister and brother-in-law are going to start having kids soon, and this concerned me because I feel like I'll drop lower on the totem pole of importance. She saw my point, but tried to console me and rationalize with me that it may be that way first because, baby, but over time that will fade.
That was the end of the conversation, but the next day she suggests "What if you take my last name?" This caught me off guard. I didn't really know what to say at first. I knew that was a thing, but we had already agreed she was taking my last name. I asked her why, and she explained how we both feel more apart of her family than mine, so why take my name instead of hers? I thought about it for awhile, and then came back agreed to take her last name (obviously, or I this thread wouldn't be a thing).
Anyway, I'm not sure how to have this conversation with my parents. My family like to discuss real issues, they like keeping everything shallow (which is one way I'm different from my family, I don't do shallow relationships). Yes, I know that's a problem, but every time I try to bring that or anything up that's not politics, sports, or gossip, it's met defensively. I need to explain this to my parents. I don't want them to think I'm disowning the family or trying to separate myself from them, but that my future wife and I feel more apart of her family than mine.
We also talked to her parents, who were immediately taken back but ultimately very supportive of the decision, about how they would respond if one of her brothers' said they wanted to take their wife's last name, and they said that they would want to know why, and be reassured that it wasn't out of spite or anything. If it was, they would feel sorry, and try to work through it and hopefully he would change his mind. No matter what, they wouldn't hold it against him. These are also people who encourage their daughters and future son-in-law to call them mom and dad, and are much less traditional than my parents, which is why I thought to ask on a forum with more traditional people.
*We did talk about hyphenating, but it doesn't really work with both of our last names, it's a mouthful.
Anyway, my relationship with my parents has always been, rocky. After I moved out in college it got better, but we still can't spend very much time around each other without driving each other up the walls. Due to this, and just generally being different than the rest of my family, I've always been somewhat of an outsider among them. I'm not, but I'm the one in the family that's the last to know everything (if not occasionally left out of the loop entirely). I was talking to my fiancee the other night about how my sister and brother-in-law are going to start having kids soon, and this concerned me because I feel like I'll drop lower on the totem pole of importance. She saw my point, but tried to console me and rationalize with me that it may be that way first because, baby, but over time that will fade.
That was the end of the conversation, but the next day she suggests "What if you take my last name?" This caught me off guard. I didn't really know what to say at first. I knew that was a thing, but we had already agreed she was taking my last name. I asked her why, and she explained how we both feel more apart of her family than mine, so why take my name instead of hers? I thought about it for awhile, and then came back agreed to take her last name (obviously, or I this thread wouldn't be a thing).
Anyway, I'm not sure how to have this conversation with my parents. My family like to discuss real issues, they like keeping everything shallow (which is one way I'm different from my family, I don't do shallow relationships). Yes, I know that's a problem, but every time I try to bring that or anything up that's not politics, sports, or gossip, it's met defensively. I need to explain this to my parents. I don't want them to think I'm disowning the family or trying to separate myself from them, but that my future wife and I feel more apart of her family than mine.
We also talked to her parents, who were immediately taken back but ultimately very supportive of the decision, about how they would respond if one of her brothers' said they wanted to take their wife's last name, and they said that they would want to know why, and be reassured that it wasn't out of spite or anything. If it was, they would feel sorry, and try to work through it and hopefully he would change his mind. No matter what, they wouldn't hold it against him. These are also people who encourage their daughters and future son-in-law to call them mom and dad, and are much less traditional than my parents, which is why I thought to ask on a forum with more traditional people.
*We did talk about hyphenating, but it doesn't really work with both of our last names, it's a mouthful.