How would you handle a "too friendly" situation?

[mrleopard]

This is written from guys perspective but women answers are welcome also ....

Say you and your wife are in a church group and in that group is a woman. This woman is very friendly to you. Sometimes she's friendly in ways that leave you wondering whether she intends more than just friendliness by it. She hasn't said or done anything that is clearly wrong but often, though not always, you get vibes that she is flirting with you. You get seemingly flirty looks, flirty smiles, and stuff like that.

Your wife has seen this woman interacting with you and she is firmly convinced this woman is flirting with you and maybe even intent on something worse (like an affair) and your wife is getting angry and concerned about it.

How would you handle that situation?

Would you or your wife confront the woman? She *might* after all just being friendly. Your perceptions that she is flirting might be wrong. Even if so though, her "friendliness" is beyond your comfort level.

Would it be ok to go to the leader of that church group (a lay person) to get advice and prayer about it? As group leader he knows her too. Would that be gossip?

Would it be ok (i.e. not gossip) to talk to your accountability partner about the situation? He knows this woman personally also.

Would you handle it differently if you had developed some strong affectionate feelings for this woman?

 

[BelindaP]

Unless your wife is the constantly jealous type, she is probably right. Woman can see that sort of thing from a mile away. It could very well be that this woman is attracted to you and doesn't even realize it herself.

The question is then whether something needs to be done about it. You two could leave the group with no comments to anyone. [This would probably be the best option if your wife is the constantly jealous type.] Or you could try to do something about the situation.

It would not be right for either you or your wife to confront her about her behavior. Your wife would come off as being accusatory, and you would come off as something else. The person to best talk to her would be another woman who is neither judgemental nor talkative, if you know what I mean.

It's not gossip to bring a concern to another Christian whom you wish to intercede for you, as long as you know the issue would remain with them only. That person could explain to her the actions that are causing others to feel that way without accusing her of any misbehavior. She could just be a forward personality and not know how it appears to others. By bringing it up, you could be saving her grief at a later point. If she really is attracted to you, she would also get the message to cool it.

The downside is that if she doesn't take it well, you may end up having to switch groups anyway.

 

[malckiah]

Hello friend, i have been in that exact situation way too many times, except my wife doesnt get upset....we have been married 11 years and are best friends, lovers, and everything wonderful to each other, we spend all of our time together. So she knows there is nothing to worry about!
But to answer your question.....#1. When that woman is around....cling to your wife! This will not only help to re-assure you wife that you love her, but it will also get the point across that you are "happily" married! If your wife is right there with you every time she is around....she will get the point. No words needed!....remember, you dont know what the woman's intents or thoughts really are so you shouldnt confront her, but also you dont want to pass her off as innocent and get yourself in a bad situation. The best way to overcome temptation is to avoid it! May The Lord bless you and give you the wisdom to do what is right! amen.

 

[tapero]

Hello friend, i have been in that exact situation way too many times, except my wife doesnt get upset....we have been married 11 years and are best friends, lovers, and everything wonderful to each other, we spend all of our time together. So she knows there is nothing to worry about!
But to answer your question.....#1. When that woman is around....cling to your wife! This will not only help to re-assure you wife that you love her, but it will also get the point across that you are "happily" married! If your wife is right there with you every time she is around....she will get the point. No words needed!....remember, you dont know what the woman's intents or thoughts really are so you shouldnt confront her, but also you dont want to pass her off as innocent and get yourself in a bad situation. The best way to overcome temptation is to avoid it! May The Lord bless you and give you the wisdom to do what is right! amen.

I agree.

 

[UnitynLove]

The bible says to run from temptation. If your pretty sure and your wife is pretty sure this person is trying to get in between your marriage I would suggest that you leave.

 

[Petunia]

Hello friend, i have been in that exact situation way too many times, except my wife doesnt get upset....we have been married 11 years and are best friends, lovers, and everything wonderful to each other, we spend all of our time together. So she knows there is nothing to worry about!
But to answer your question.....#1. When that woman is around....cling to your wife! This will not only help to re-assure you wife that you love her, but it will also get the point across that you are "happily" married! If your wife is right there with you every time she is around....she will get the point. No words needed!....remember, you dont know what the woman's intents or thoughts really are so you shouldnt confront her, but also you dont want to pass her off as innocent and get yourself in a bad situation. The best way to overcome temptation is to avoid it! May The Lord bless you and give you the wisdom to do what is right! amen.

Excellent advice.

Another thing that may help.. is when the woman is talking to you, and you start to suspect her of flirting, respond 'amicably' to her comments in a way which 'includes' and 'praises' your wife. Always include your wife in the conversation. Do this whether your wife is there with your or not. You don't need to do this with people you don't suspect of flirting. Only those you do.

If she really is flirting with you, your mentioning your wife so much will discourage her... because she won't get the attention she's seeking. You're directed that attention to your wife. If she really isn't flirting with you.. she'll probably assume that you 'think' she is .. and change the way she interacts with you.

If this doesn't work, the best thing is to completely avoid her. When she approaches you.. say with a smile, 'hello.. oops, gotta run!'

If your wife wasn't there at the time.. be sure to mention to her how you handled the situation, so she can add to the collection she uses to build her trust.

 

[Amin]

Wow,
Good question. I don't think i would say anything right away, but be upfront with your wife so she knows your not intending on returning any kind of signals. I wouldn't be any where that you would be alone even for a minute with her.
Have you known her to be an overly friendly person?
I would wait to see what happens.
Saying something might make her look bad, especially if she isn't.
I would be sure of her seemingly
over friendliness.
Chuck.