how would you go about this?

[sparkypunkette]

Hey everyone! I dont post that often here, but i have been around for a while. Now, I'm not engaged yet ( but soon- in the next 3 weeks). My boyfriend and i have been dating for around a year. Here is what we are thinking about doing. After i get the ring-start counseling..then just have a family wedding in a park or at the courthouse. We want to be together and he is moving 2 hours away-and i want to go with him. We've been talking marraige for months. We also want to have a wedding where we can invite friends and family like 4 months after that. Have any of you had 2 weddings like this?
Like 4 of my friends are getting married in actual ceremonies this summer, I just want to be married...and plan it for a less busy wedding season. Any thoughts...or experiences with this?

 

[progressivegal]

I attended 2 weddings that where kind of similar.
The most recent one was actually where the bride lived in a different country than the groom (they met when she was an exchange student).
They had one wedding for her family in her country, and then came to the United States (where they both live now) and had a wedding for our family. The actually had to infact because they couldn't legally get married in her country (they just had a ceremony) because she needed to come up here with a fiance visa (which are much easier to get than spousal visas)
So though they where already married, we attended their
wedding in the US a few months later. No one that I talked to seemed to think that it was annoying to come to a wedding for them even though they had another wedding several months earlier (obviously none of them where invited to the first wedding anyway ) and everyone had a really great time. We where acrtually really happy that they had this second wedding because we weren't able to attend the first.

The other wedding I attended like this was several years ago. The bride and the groom lived in a different state than her family, so they where married in the state that they lived in, and then lates came up here to have a big family reception (no ceremony though) she wore her dresss, cut the cake, there where pictures and everything, and her family was able to share in their joy even though they where unable to attend the ceremony. Everyone had a great time, and seemed to be really glad that they had this because they where unable to attned the first cereomony.

 

[Maeyken]

If you're legally married after the first wedding, I think it would be a little strange to have a second wedding ceremony... but I definitely think you could do a reception at a later time. I've heard that later receptions are a lot more fun, cuz you're way more relaxed and it's more just like a huge party/celebration!

 

[alessandrab]

We will most likely have two parties. My fiance and I come from different countries and it would be very difficult if not impossible to have everyone in the same place at the same time! First we will organize a dinner in Italy (my fiance's country) for those who will not be attending the actual wedding. It will be a little less formal (I will surely not be attending it wearing a wedding dress some white summerly dress will do) and will include "le bomboniere", that is, small gifts that the couple hands out at the party to all family+friends. This is important for my mother-in-law to be and would be difficult in my country - my family is huge! The actual ceremony and the reception will then take place in my country shortly after - so we will not be married before that. We feel like this is fair to everyone

 

[sparkypunkette]

Thanks for the imput. We just both want a really short engagement. Our extended family would be sad if they didnt get to come to our wedding. Plus with everyone getting married this summer, prices are insane and things are already booked almost every weekend. I personally kinda dont like receptions and just want a dessert and appitizer line. Being a Christian, im waiting to have sex, so that means i could after just a legal ceremony. THe real cermemony would just be like a couple who have lived and slept together for years ( and in there minds already married)- i dont see it as much different than that-except we are both christians and are going about things that way. Any more thoughts? I would still have fun with the bigger ceremony ( dress, maybe a couple bridesmaids, cake, pictures..)-id probably have mroe fun planning it that way anyway..

 

[Maeyken]

Thanks for the imput. We just both want a really short engagement. Our extended family would be sad if they didnt get to come to our wedding. Plus with everyone getting married this summer, prices are insane and things are already booked almost every weekend. I personally kinda dont like receptions and just want a dessert and appitizer line. Being a Christian, im waiting to have sex, so that means i could after just a legal ceremony. THe real cermemony would just be like a couple who have lived and slept together for years ( and in there minds already married)- i dont see it as much different than that-except we are both christians and are going about things that way. Any more thoughts? I would still have fun with the bigger ceremony ( dress, maybe a couple bridesmaids, cake, pictures..)-id probably have mroe fun planning it that way anyway..

<shrugs> That's not the way I'd want to do it, but the decision is up to you and your fiance, so I guess you can do whatever you want. Personally, I'd try to steer clear of appearing like a couple who has been living together, but maybe I'm just too old fashioned. I would just have a simple ceremony maybe with immediate family and super-close friends, and then have a big celebration party later.

 

[FaithfulServant]

I think having a ceremony after you're already married isn't a good idea....I mean, you've already had sex with each other, already living together...you're already married....why get married again?

But, go for it with a reception, it would be a fun time to share with your friends and family!

 

[bliz]

OK - so you want to get married the first time so you don't have to wait to have sex. And you want to have the second wedding so there can be the party and the dress and the gifts and all the hoopla.

Two ceremonies makes sense when we are talking about different countries or great distances... not a 2 hour drive! The second wedding sounds like a selfish indulgence.

If you want to be married now, marry now in a simple ceremony. If you want the big party, wait several months and have the big party. If you don't know which you want, perhaps you are not ready to get married.

 

[Inperfected]

Mmm... I'd suggest a wedding now and a blessing ceremony later if you wanted the two things... you could "adopt" the things you wanted to a blessing ceremony I guess, except things like walking up the ailse with your dad (or by yourself) probly would be better left to being together etc...

 

[feesha]

wow, this topic has me thinking.. if you have 2 families that live in seperate locations seperated by 1000s of miles.. maybe you could have one wedding for one family and then fly to location #2 and do a second wedding for the other family. that would be so much more reasonable that trying to fly multiple family members to one location.

 

[livin4christ9203]

I have known a few people who have had their wedding.. kind of eloped and then had a reception for everyone. I've heard people talk about what you are.. and my husband and I even thought about it. But we are so glad we didn't. I just sorta believe there can only be one now. There's just something about just being one and that cerimony when you say I do in front of God and all of your loved ones. I don't know.. I just feel like doing that takes a way from the specialness (don't think that's a word lol)of the big cerimony. I just believe there can be only one. NOw the idea of having a separate reception and renewing vows later in the marriage are wonderful ideas. This is just my opinion. You can only do what would be the best for you. Pray about it!