How to let a man know you're interested while still being "hard to get"

I have a dating question for men (or women too, if you think you have something to add!):

How does a woman encourage a man that she is interested in to pursue her more by letting him know she's into him, while still being hard to catch so that he fulfills his "manly need" for a challenge?

I mean, all the dating advice says that a woman has to let a guy know she's interested so that he feels safe going after her. But the dating advice also says that guys lose interest if a girl is too easy to get. So what does a woman do about this?

~Jen~

"Friend zone" him and tell him that there may be a chance for romance in the future.

sweetmercy said:

I have a dating question for men (or women too, if you think you have something to add!):

How does a woman encourage a man that she is interested in to pursue her more by letting him know she's into him, while still being hard to catch so that he fulfills his "manly need" for a challenge?

I mean, all the dating advice says that a woman has to let a guy know she's interested so that he feels safe going after her. But the dating advice also says that guys lose interest if a girl is too easy to get. So what does a woman do about this?

~Jen~

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I have read similar advice. The dilemma with generalities of this nature is that there are always exceptions. What if the gentleman in question recoils at such an attitude and is dissuaded from any type of romantic pursuit?

However limited my experience in the romantic realm, I decided that if a man captured my interest and he was seeking a woman who was willing to engage him in a sort of cat and mouse chase, that he would have to find someone else. I tend to be direct; I am very passionate and expressive, most especially in my affections. Having to play coy would have been utterly exhausting for me, and I would have viewed it as an absurd expenditure of time. I am all for the art of romance, just not that particular brand of it. If two people wish to be together, why must it be so arduous a prospect? Why must it turn into a series of games and endeavors to decode one another's behaviors?

I apologize for the discourse!

I suppose the question you must ask yourself is thus: are you willing to play hard to get, or is such a notion a truly tiresome one? If it is the latter, I assure you that there are many men who appreciate forthrightness, who would be blissfully relieved not to grapple with the uncertainty of whether or not you reciprocate their sentiments.

Make contact
Give him some "open doors" like I really like the coffee place down the street.

Don't play hard to get at all.

The whole "manly need for a challenge thing" is a huge line of crap. I want straight forward communication on if you are interested or not. Not "I'm gonna play hard to get" games.

I don't pursue women who play games. I've got too little time on earth to waste playing games.

My advice is don't play games and be politely straightforward with him about everything.

Maybe other men are into playing ridiculous games but I'm not.

*rant over*

Luther073082 said:

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The whole "manly need for a challenge thing" is a huge line of crap. I want straight forward communication on if you are interested or not. Not "I'm gonna play hard to get" games.

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Do you want to clarify this a little?

Otherwise, you're saying that you want her to walk up to someone and say, "I like you, lets go out"

I personally don't recommend that.

soccerdad66 said:

Do you want to clarify this a little?

Otherwise, you're saying that you want her to walk up to someone and say, "I like you, lets go out"

I personally don't recommend that.

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Playing hard to get if I remember right is a game where people try muffle out their interest because supposidly doing so makes it better.

I don't belive in some ridiculous time of like 3 days before you call someone in order so that you might appear busy and as though they aren't quite that important to you yet. More like calling them is something you "got around to." I don't expect to be anyone's #1 priority right away, but I am not attracted to people who make me into something that they get around to. If she treats me like that then its because she's just not that into me.

I don't like that game. Either responding to the date is important to you or it is not. I'm not saying you have to obcess over it but if its not that important to you then forget about it.

Luther...I salute you
Amen to everything you said

Luther073082 said:

Don't play hard to get at all.

The whole "manly need for a challenge thing" is a huge line of crap. I want straight forward communication on if you are interested or not. Not "I'm gonna play hard to get" games.

I don't pursue women who play games. I've got too little time on earth to waste playing games.

My advice is don't play games and be politely straightforward with him about everything.

Maybe other men are into playing ridiculous games but I'm not.

*rant over*

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I'll give you my perspective on this. I attend a church that has a high ratio of single women to single men in my age group (maybe 7-1). As a man, I enjoy the friendships I have with the women but I am not seeking a relationship at the moment. One of the most frustrating things for me is when the women attempt to force a deeper friendship with me. After church service, I might have four or five women approach me that I don't have anything in common with telling me about things going on in their life and asking me relatively deep questions about mine. This makes me feel trapped, and the last thing I want to do is pursue one of these women when I feel like I can't get away- no matter how amazing they are (and they are amazing women). I like my space, and I like to be the pursuer. On the other hand, there is this one woman who completely trusts God in her relationships. She actively pursued a friendship with me when I first started going to the church but it was very clear to me that she didn't require anything in return. I thought we would have nothing in common, so I didn't pursue her any further. She trusted God. When I didn't pay her any special attention, she wasn't disappointed and didn't try harder to get my attention. Instead, she waited, not for me, but for whoever the Lord had for her.

So now, it's six months later and I appreciate this woman more than any other. And because of the way she guards her heart and trusts God, I can't help but to want to pursue a friendship and see where that leads. And whether or not the Lord brings us together as more than friends, my desire is to honor her in our friendship and encourage her to continue treating relationships the way she does.

I think that guys can sense when girls wants something in return, and that in itself is not a problem, sometimes it's nice to know you are desired. But when a guy feels like a dating relationship is the only thing that would make her happy, he may get scared and feel trapped. I have no problem with a girl that pursues a friendship with me, draws the line there and expects nothing more than a friendship in return.

Hang out with him in groups, talk to him once in awhile but don't base your entire evening around him. Guys can sense that and will feel trapped. Build up your friendship by letting him know that you appreciate him as a friend and wait for him to take it further. Ultimately, trust that God will direct the heart of the right man.

The correct answer is, you don't. Playing hard to get is a silly game that mature men really don't care about. If you like him, tell him. Period.

Coach

Luther073082 said:

Don't play hard to get at all.

The whole "manly need for a challenge thing" is a huge line of crap. I want straight forward communication on if you are interested or not. Not "I'm gonna play hard to get" games.

I don't pursue women who play games. I've got too little time on earth to waste playing games.

My advice is don't play games and be politely straightforward with him about everything.

Maybe other men are into playing ridiculous games but I'm not.

*rant over*

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Quoted FTW! I'm the exact same way about no game playing. Just be honest with me! Honesty=huge brownie points in my eyes.

I'm not good at that playing hard to get business. Too much trouble.

Sometimes I might seem hard to get but thats because I like to guard myself untill I am sure that I won't get hurt.

IMHO - just keep conversing with him until he either shows interest or a lack of it. I don't believe in chasing after guys. If you allow him to know you just by chatting with him when you're able, and he acts like he's as interested in you as in the weather, drop it and move on. A guy should want to date you based on who you are, not some flirty-girly image you're portraying because you want his attention.

Inkabink said:

IMHO - just keep conversing with him until he either shows interest or a lack of it. I don't believe in chasing after guys. If you allow him to know you just by chatting with him when you're able, and he acts like he's as interested in you as in the weather, drop it and move on. A guy should want to date you based on who you are, not some flirty-girly image you're portraying because you want his attention.

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Wise words but I didn't expect anything else from you . I agree with this 100%. Its important to be yourself and not what you think he would want you to be.

Thanks, Beck

"Playing hard to get" is for desperate people who realise that desperate is not attractive and so pretend not to be desperate to fulfill their desperation.

Just keep things in perspective, realise how little you know the person (and therefore how much attraction is appropriate) and keep their looks in the appropriate place (realising that personality is far more important and takes a lot longer to discover) and you won't have need for games.

Quality post

CoachR64 said:

The correct answer is, you don't. Playing hard to get is a silly game that mature men really don't care about. If you like him, tell him. Period.

Coach

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to Coach and Welsh!