How to let a guy know you're interested...

SaintInChicago · Jul 24, 2008

jdemnyan said:
Aside from the side debate about whether or not "spiritual warrior" is proper terminology, I have only one more thing to add in addition to what has been written.

You mention that the man you are interested in works with you- be careful...

I'm not saying that workplace relationships can't work out, but as one who did have one, let's just say that things got very interesting very quickly...
If the relationship sours, you could have a real mess on your hands.

Good advice. People love gossip, and the workplace is a rich breeding ground for it. If you do start dating, agree to act as if everything is the same while you are at work

Ann_ika25 · Jul 24, 2008

tr0pica1rain said:
Didn't really mean to cause a debate or anything.. Sorry!
I just don't understand things like this. I missed out on some by going to an all-girls school + being really flipping shy for most of my childhood and adolescence.
And I have never been kissed. So are you saying I am supposed to initiate that when (/if) the time comes too? My first kiss? Can't a man be a man once in awhile?

Ah, makes sense.

I'm not sure how comfortable you are with interacting with guys since it sounds like you haven't had much being that you went to an all girls school and being shy.

Things are not always about the guy making the first move. Nothing wrong with women stepping in first. Doesn't make a man less of one if he doesn't. Sounds like you have some ideas of what men should be like and that might be hard to find these days.

Ann_ika25 · Jul 24, 2008

Altoman188 said:
If i may add, i don't think ill date a girl who makes the first move. I always initiate first interest, and let her respond in whatever manner. And that usually tells me if its going to work out in the short run, the long run is a bit more complex. I am not naturally very assertive, but this is something i think is killing male female dynamics. Men arent manly and women are sometimes. And i dont like manly women.

Alright, I'll take the bait. Got nothing else to do today.

I think the issue here is that you can't stand a strong women who is self-sufficient. Why does a women being assertive and taking the initative mean she has "man" traits?

Think about it. Guy walks up to a girl and says a pickup line of some sort (99.9% of which are cheesy), girl doesn't like it and calls the cops for sexual harassment. Guy gets sent to jail and the rest of his life the best job he can get is working as a janitor in a cheap motel. In more ways than one, Western society can be to blame here.

Then don't use "dumb" pickup lines and come off as creepy.

4ng3l0fd34th · Jul 25, 2008

I very much agree with Bonhomie & Tropical Wilds. Just go for it! I think that asking him for his facebook would be a good start. Perhaps it'd tell you more about his beliefs & surely it'd at least give you an idea of his interests. Then you can just take it from there.

You can't always wait around for the guy to make the first move though. You'll never get anywhere with that mindset, especially if this guy is shy. Be brave.

tr0pica1rain · Jul 26, 2008

Well in this situation it doesn't really matter anymore. We're both going back to our respective colleges in a few weeks, which are not near each other. Blah blah.

It's so confusing because so many books I have read like Lady in Waiting, and I Kissed Dating Goodbye (of course) said for the girl to wait. Lady in Waiting used Ruth and Boaz as an example. I just don't get society or any of this romance stuff.

I kind of don't want to be a crazy cat lady. But if God wants me single, so be it. I just feel like He wouldn't give me such strong desires to get married and have children if I was going to be single forever. I don't know.
Whatever. He's not going to ask me out, and it's too late for me to do anything. Who knows when the next time this situation will come up? *sigh*.

P.s. excuse the depressing tone of this post..

tatina · Jul 26, 2008

I think that if you stay doing nothing, yes it's possible that you might stay single. Not because God wants you to be single, but because he's not going to do the work for you (does that make sense? it's difficult writing in English...). If you're interested in a guy, than do what Tropical Winds said, and invite him to drink a coffee or something ;-)

tr0pica1rain · Jul 26, 2008

That makes sense.
But girls get asked out all the time. I don't get it.

4ng3l0fd34th · Jul 26, 2008

tr0pica1rain said:
That makes sense.
But girls get asked out all the time. I don't get it.

Guys get asked out all the time as well.

FallenAngel3787 · Jul 26, 2008

tr0pica1rain said:
Well in this situation it doesn't really matter anymore. We're both going back to our respective colleges in a few weeks, which are not near each other. Blah blah.

It's so confusing because so many books I have read like Lady in Waiting, and I Kissed Dating Goodbye (of course) said for the girl to wait. Lady in Waiting used Ruth and Boaz as an example. I just don't get society or any of this romance stuff.

I kind of don't want to be a crazy cat lady. But if God wants me single, so be it. I just feel like He wouldn't give me such strong desires to get married and have children if I was going to be single forever. I don't know.
Whatever. He's not going to ask me out, and it's too late for me to do anything. Who knows when the next time this situation will come up? *sigh*.

P.s. excuse the depressing tone of this post..

Im sure im not the only guy to post after like 5 pages but... from a guys point of few.. ready ??

im shy.... shy like [wash my mouth][wash my mouth][wash my mouth] shy. it took me and my fiancee ages until one of us built up the guts to say something haha. it was kind of a join effort. she said something about someone else not really sparking an interest and listed off a few guys and i wasnt on the list.... so the next day after lots of thinking and all i asked her if because i wasnt on the list did that mean i DID spark and interest and well ya know. it was all ok from there.

but if you wait around you might just let your chance slip though your fingers. You've got nothing to loss, have you ?

as for the "which are not near each other"... yeah! so ? me and my fiancee are 4000+ miles away pretty much ALL the time. distance should never stop anything.

.... so yeah.... if this guy interests you and you'd like to see if it could go any further just take the bull by the horns, put your heart on the line and ask. he might be too shy to say anything... he might be making the same sort of post on a different forum, wondering if you'd make the first move. he might be sitting at home right now thinking about you. you dont know until you try.

Ann_ika25 · Jul 26, 2008

tatina said:
I think that if you stay doing nothing, yes it's possible that you might stay single. Not because God wants you to be single, but because he's not going to do the work for you (does that make sense? it's difficult writing in English...). If you're interested in a guy, than do what Tropical Winds said, and invite him to drink a coffee or something ;-)

I wish more people on would take that into consideration. You can't just sit around and do nothing.

It's so confusing because so many books I have read like Lady in Waiting, and I Kissed Dating Goodbye (of course) said for the girl to wait. Lady in Waiting used Ruth and Boaz as an example. I just don't get society or any of this romance stuff.

Perhaps you should take a break from these type of books. They sound like their confusing you.

I haven't fully read the second one but I wouldn't take it as the dating bible. Even some of the top relationship counselors say that one should date at least 30 people not to see what is out there, but to discover what one wants and to better understand themselves. I do believe there is some truth to that.

But that is an entirly different thead so I'm not trying to debate. JMO.

timmyp · Jul 29, 2008

i really agree that he should ask you out...
But you need to let him know that you like him otherwise nothing will ever happen.. lot of young godly males these days are nervious about asking girls out because they dont know if the girl will like them back/ say yes...
so tell him u like him... and that yeah....
but be prepaired that he may not like u back its a fact of life unfortunalty... but still even then presist, because he may not realise yet that he likes you.. it took my friend 4 months to realise he liked a girl.. and yeah now they are married and VERY VERY happy

AetheriusLamia · Aug 29, 2008

tr0pica1rain said:
I am a firm believer that the man should initiate the relationship, and that the woman should be pursued. But these days, girls ask guys out all the time. I refuse.

(seems to be the crux of your argument)

To be frank, it's foolish to be so old-fashioned, especially in today's society and without good reason. I expect that you don't cut your hair -- or if you do, never shorter than neck-length; and that you don't wear pants or shorts or button-up shirts analogous to ones men wear. (If you do, you're being implicitly hypocritical.)

I have absolutely no sympathy for your situation, when it is one you have created by adhering to artificial standards without a clearly explained logical reason. Perhaps you can educate me, though: What is it that makes a man a man, and what is it that makes a woman a woman?

To be honest, I find your sexist thinking offensive.

Mr.Cheese · Aug 31, 2008

miss_klara · Sep 17, 2008

I liked a boy, who was one of my best friends.
One day when we were wrestling, I stood up on my toes and kissed his cheek. Don't know what came over me!! He kissed my forehead, then we said an awkward goodbye. Two days (and two similar kisses/pecks later) we decided to go out. And we're getting married in 12 weeks.
Sometimes you've just got to be bold. Of course it's good for a guy to initiate, but sometimes things don't work out that way. What if I hadn't pecked my fiance on the cheek when we were just friends, and one of the other girls who liked him made a move? He could've ended up with someone else. But he's with me

Markus6 · Sep 17, 2008

tr0pica1rain said:
It's so confusing because so many books I have read like Lady in Waiting, and I Kissed Dating Goodbye (of course) said for the girl to wait. Lady in Waiting used Ruth and Boaz as an example. I just don't get society or any of this romance stuff.

If you read other books you'd get other perspectives. A fortunately there is no one book that is the absolute perfect guide to relationships. Biblical examples of relationships are scarce but picking just one and using it as the pattern for every relationship seems bizarre, especially considering it occurred in a culture very different from our own.

tr0pica1rain said:
I kind of don't want to be a crazy cat lady. But if God wants me single, so be it. I just feel like He wouldn't give me such strong desires to get married and have children if I was going to be single forever. I don't know.
Whatever. He's not going to ask me out, and it's too late for me to do anything. Who knows when the next time this situation will come up? *sigh*.

You're 20, talking about becoming a crazy cat lady and being single for every is pretty ridiculous. However, you have a desire for a mate and children because that's part of being human, we have hormones and stuff. You may be called to be single and still have a desire for a husband, it's a sacrifice. When we fast it's not like God turns off our desire for food. Don't think that you're called to be single just because you're single at 20. If you're called God will tell you.

On your situation:
I wouldn't use facebook - it's not a good substitute for real life, nevermind what people say.

Have you picked up any signals from him that make you think he likes you?

Some useful lines if you want him to ask you out:
"My friend went to this restaurant at the weekend, sounded really nice. If only I had a guy to take me..."
"This is my phone number. Do you know what it's for?"
"So, when are you going to ask me out?"

Im_A · Sep 19, 2008

tr0pica1rain said:
without doing all his work.
I am a firm believer that the man should initiate the relationship, and that the woman should be pursued. But these days, girls ask guys out all the time. I refuse.
However, I work with a guy that I like, and, if he does like me, how do I let him know it's okay to ask me out without being blatantly obvious?
I want to ask him if he has a facebook, but I don't know if it's being too forward. Although I do that with other people I work with too.
Bleh.

my views, it takes two to tango. both sides should be willing to take the initative to get things going. if it means flirting here and there to show a desire and then the other side just asks straight out, great. but relying on one sex to initiate it all shows a lack of desire to me.

plus, if you really like someone, why would you be worried about too forward?

Margim · Sep 23, 2008

If he really matters to you, don't wait for him to ask you. Many of us guys aren't really that great at picking up on the vibes. It would be terrible for you to miss out on a potentially great relationship simply because you decided to do nothing...

Thunder Peel · Sep 23, 2008

Margim said:
If he really matters to you, don't wait for him to ask you. Many of us guys aren't really that great at picking up on the vibes. It would be terrible for you to miss out on a potentially great relationship simply because you decided to do nothing...

Exactly. Many men, including myself, are terrible at picking up on signals and need things spelled out for them. Don't be afraid to go after him if you're interested; if you wait for him to figure it out you may be waiting a LONG time.

djdavey · Sep 24, 2008

Yeah I would be another who would not pick up the signals, if someone waited for me I would need them to say "look I like you", I would be over the moon if a girl asked me out. lol

marcarmo · Sep 24, 2008

timmyp said:
i really agree that he should ask you out...
But you need to let him know that you like him otherwise nothing will ever happen.. lot of young godly males these days are nervious about asking girls out because they dont know if the girl will like them back/ say yes...
so tell him u like him... and that yeah....
but be prepaired that he may not like u back its a fact of life unfortunalty... but still even then presist, because he may not realise yet that he likes you.. it took my friend 4 months to realise he liked a girl.. and yeah now they are married and VERY VERY happy

I agree, the guy needs some indication that you are interested. GO chat to him, show an interest in his life. He may reciprocate, but not neccessarily ask you out. Even if it doesnt work out or if you mess up it's something you can learn from. You have to take a risk. I did this recently at church where i expressed interest in a girl i like. Even though i was dissapointed with the little i had a chance to say, atleast i said it. I would have been more dissapointed if i didnt say anything to the girl. I believe the ball is in her court and if she has an interest then she will show an interest next time i see her.

I find I kissed dating goodbye and Boy Meets girl fantastic books, however the problem lies with the person that has not read the book. If the person you are intereted in has not, or has more 'worldy' views on dating then you cant expect him to follow J Harris's advice. The overall theme of those books is this - dating is not the goal, marriage is (or not). Take that from the books and apply that in your relationships.

Remember God has the right person for you.

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