How to fix the past?

[keepmebyyourgrace]

Hello All,

I am a novice to this forum. I hate to just unload all my problems but I do need some christian advice (especially from a Pastor if possible).

The problem:
I have secretly betrayed all my friends and associates and ruined my life.

When I was in college I joined a particular organization that required all members to hold a particular gpa.

I had a more than high enough gpa when I joined, but it fell alittle bit below when I became a bit overwhelmed with the responsbilities that I had at the time. (School, Work, Other friendships, job hunting, etc)

The responsible adult would have confessed this and gotten help, but I was a fool. Stubborn, Foolish, Prideful and Irresponsible. (Of a truth because I was not saved at the time. I have not come to know the Lord till after college.)

Almost all of my life revolves around the people I have met through this organization. I am ashamed. I am alone. Yet, worst of all, I am a liar. (By Omission) My reputation as a trustworthy friend and professional reputation are secretly shot. Done.

I don't know how to fix this. I feel like my whole life is a lie. Everytime I meet someone new, I have to deal with this issue internally.

It churns in my lower gut. And the organization is too big to confess to every single member. Almost like a criminal record, this could follow me everywhere i go. Socially and professionally.

I now profession to know Christ, but I don't have peace with this not dealt with. I confessed it to God, but my testimony is shot because of it.

I know Paul was a murder before The Lord saved him. I just want God to do the same for me. To change me. To fix my friendships. To fix my testimony. To make my paths straight.

My whole life, everything, good friendships and good memories are based on members of this organization and friends of friends of people in this organization.

It is a college fraternity- a really big deal. (Alumni networks, possible legal issues, etc.)

I don't know how to move forward now. If the Lord ever allows me to marry, I have to explain all this too my wife, etc. Not to mention possibly the Church I joined after college.

Who wants a man like that?
Especially a christian woman. This is not biblical manhood.

I have been reading a lot of books on biblical manhood and I don't measure up. I realize its a process- sanctification- but I can't help but think that I have destroyed what are supposed to be joyous youthful experiences.

1 Timothy 3 outlines what a deacon should look like. I have no desire to be deacon, but I know that every person should strive for these qualities.
1. Above reproach
2. Husband of one wife
3. Temperate
4. Prudent
5. Respectable
6. Hospitable
7. Able to teach
8. Gentle
9. Peaceable
10.free from the love of money
11. Manages his own household well
12. Must have a good reputation with those outside the church.

I so want to be like this, but my life is the exact opposite. I wish I had come to know Christ before or at least during college. My life would he so much different and so much more blessed.

Any advice? (Sorry so long)

Foolish, Alone, Shameful, Disgraced, Regretful.

 

[GreatSpeckledBird]

well you've learned about deception and how it can blossom into a nightmare. You're right, a woman doesn't need a dishonest husband. I've learned that facing problems, being honest and just letting the chips fall where they may is the best policy. It may smart a bit, you may lose reputation, status, position whatever, but you'll have regained your integrity which without that you're nothing anyway. People are more forgiving than you think & when we do come clean things have a way of working out in ways we couldn't have imagined. We usually let fear cause us to imagine all sorts of horrible scenarios when it's really not as awful as we think.

I think you're wise to seek Pastoral counseling in this matter & that of other men. Godly men. There's plenty of decent men of God on these forums. Maybe a few of them could guide you through this. I'm sure you will find help here. It's going to be okay. I'll pray the Lord give you wisdom & courage. You might want to talk to Dave & Tom over at the golden eagles forum.

God bless,
Speckle

 

[SalvationAtYourFingertips]

The good news is, all the bad stuff you did, it got nailed to the cross. The good news is, you are only apologizing for these things on behalf of Jesus. You don't need to worry about your past sins, yes, however, Jesus wants you to clear up the mess. Remember, you are not guilty anymore, but, for His sake, He wants you to clean up the mess. In time this will be solved. It seems impossible, but God laughs at impossible. In time everything will be fixed. God is on it, not the old you, and God finishes His work always.

 

[NatethaGreat]

You can't fix the past, you can let it go and learn from it