How to develop Empathy

[SavedByGrace3]

I have always felt that I do not have enough empathy or compassion for people. I hear this often from other believers, especially men. I know we have to love our neighbors, and Jesus said that the love we show each other is a sign of our discipleship.

John 13:34-35 KJV
34 A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another.
35 By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another.

I am not saying I never show love and never have compassion... I just feel it is so essential, and I want to work on this. But I want it to be genuine. You will probably know what I mean when I say, "Some people only behave this way because they know that is how a believer should behave. But it is not genuine." I want it to be genuine and not a show.

Any thoughts?

 

[Hazelelponi]

We just had a thread, or are in a thread and one of the answers to the question how do I know I'm saved is love of the brethren.

But the answer to how do you know if you love the brethren is loving God and keeping His commandments.

1 John 5:2-3 "By this we know that we love the children of God, when we love God and obey his commandments. For this is the love of God, that we keep his commandments. And his commandments are not burdensome."

Empathy is nice but we can only relate so much. Someone who doesn't have PTSD can only go so far in understanding the person with it etc.

However - we can desire for others what we desire for ourselves. (Loving our neighbors as ourselves).

Does this person with PTSD have the kind of resources to help them when they leave the military etc. Are we loving in this way, to help the brother among us we know is in need.

But at the same time, love isn't doing the wrong thing. We don't break the law, or encourage it to be broken. We keep the law of God because it exists for our good, and therefore our brothers good as well.

This means there are times "love" doesn't always look loving. Love says no too.

While emotions are nice, they can be fleeting and unstable. But the more we love God, and the more we keep His commandments, the more we find ourselves loving our neighbors in a very real and God centered way.

 

[Unqualified]

Just know the scriptures if you want something to give. It is safe.

 

[JonasDaniels]

I have always felt that I do not have enough empathy or compassion for people. I hear this often from other believers, especially men. I know we have to love our neighbors, and Jesus said that the love we show each other is a sign of our discipleship.

John 13:34-35 KJV
34 A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another.
35 By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another.

I am not saying I never show love and never have compassion... I just feel it is so essential, and I want to work on this. But I want it to be genuine. You will probably know what I mean when I say, "Some people only behave this way because they know that is how a believer should behave. But it is not genuine." I want it to be genuine and not a show.

Any thoughts?

I always knew that I should be praying for my enemies, its a pretty clear command of Christ. But only in the last two years have I actually begun to do so.

I've always thought of myself as a fairly compassionate person too.

But I was wrong.

Seriously devoting myself to prayer has opened my eyes to a great many things. One of those, is that what might pass for empathy or compassion, or love by my own standards, was in no way even close to the love and compassion or boundless mercy and genuine affection that God has for this world, or His children, my brothers and sisters.

"Ye have heard that it hath been said, Thou shalt love thy neighbour, and hate thine enemy. But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you; That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust. For if ye love them which love you, what reward have ye? do not even the publicans the same? And if ye salute your brethren only, what do ye more than others? do not even the publicans do the same?

Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect."

I always thought this verse referred to holiness.

I could not have been more wrong. The "even as" actually means "in the same way". What way? The preceding verses describe this perfect way. And it is prayer, perhaps more than anything else which will get you there.

Along with this, asking Christ for His heart for others is also very helpful in reaching this end. Just be aware of what you are asking for, Christ was a man of suffering and sorrow.
We talk much of His suffering on the cross, and rightfully so. But Christ walked among the people He loved so much, and would eventually die for, a full three years before Calvary. Knowing the heart of every person He came into contact with, thoroughly. Calvary, as brutal and horrific as it was, there was also the long road that led Him there, and this should not be overlooked.

Mercy, Peace and Blessing in His Most Holy Name

 

[Maria Billingsley]

I have always felt that I do not have enough empathy or compassion for people. I hear this often from other believers, especially men. I know we have to love our neighbors, and Jesus said that the love we show each other is a sign of our discipleship.

John 13:34-35 KJV
34 A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another.
35 By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another.

I am not saying I never show love and never have compassion... I just feel it is so essential, and I want to work on this. But I want it to be genuine. You will probably know what I mean when I say, "Some people only behave this way because they know that is how a believer should behave. But it is not genuine." I want it to be genuine and not a show.

Any thoughts?

Empathy really can't be taught. The lack of empathy is usually a defense mechanism. Find out what you are protecting yourself from first . Selflessness will follow.
Blessings

 

[Joseph G]

I've always believed that there is a difference between empathy, sympathy, and pity.

Empathy, as stated, comes easiest when one has lived it, or is living it. Showing love then is a willingness to be vulnerable in sharing one's own witness so that, at the bare mimimum, the recipient will know they are not alone - and why there is hope.

Sympathy is concern over something one hasn't encountered, but a dedication is made to understand and relate. I believe the first essential step to gaining sympathy (and with it compassion and grace) is to just listen. Ask questions. Show interest. Within about 5 minutes one will dig beneath the outward appearance - the pain, the angst, the anger - and will thus have access to minister to the root of their affliction.

Pity, I believe, is hurting for someone and essentially doing nothing. Not to say that we are able to address everyone we see that is in need, but we can at least pray for them. Especially our enemies and enemies of God who protect their shells from any caring intrusion.

So agree with all... even being His children we must pray regularly for the heart of Christ to rule in us towards others!

 

[Akita Suggagaki]

4 Steps to Practice Empathy from Dr. Brene Brown (the Empathy Guru)

1. Perspective taking. Empathy is all about putting yourself in someone else's shoes and trying to see things from their perspective. ...
2. Staying out of judgment. ...
3. Recognizing emotions someone else is feeling. ...
4. Communicating that you understand an emotion.

4 Steps to Practice Empathy from Dr. Brene Brown

Get insights on leadership, the future of work, and employee experience - subscribe here to The Future of Work Newsletter to get future editions directly in your feed. We’ve never needed empathy more than we do now.

www.linkedin.com

 

[SavedByGrace3]

I am coming away with that compassion, empathy, sympathy, and pity are sometimes considered the same or similar things.

I believe that empathy and compassion are spiritual.
I believe that sympathy and pity are soulical. (from the Greek psuchikos and psuchē soul).

ψυχικός
psychikos
6x: pertaining to the life or soul; in NT animal, as distinguished from spiritual subsistence, 1Co_15:44; 1Co_15:46; occupied with mere animal things, animal, sensual, 1Co_2:14; Jas_3:15; Jud_1:19.

James even associates the word with demonic.

James 3:15 KJV
15 This wisdom descendeth not from above, but is earthly, sensual (psychikos), devilish.

Still looking at this. Watchman has a good study on this in his trilogy "The Spiritual Man."

 

[Akita Suggagaki]

I am coming away with that compassion, empathy, sympathy, and pity are sometimes considered the same or similar things.

I believe that empathy and compassion are spiritual.
I believe that sympathy and pity are soulical. (from the Greek psuchikos and psuchē soul).

ψυχικός
psychikos
6x: pertaining to the life or soul; in NT animal, as distinguished from spiritual subsistence, 1Co_15:44; 1Co_15:46; occupied with mere animal things, animal, sensual, 1Co_2:14; Jas_3:15; Jud_1:19.

James even associates the word with demonic.

James 3:15 KJV
15 This wisdom descendeth not from above, but is earthly, sensual (psychikos), devilish.

Still looking at this. Watchman has a good study on this in his trilogy "The Spiritual Man."

See Brene Brown's Atlas of the Heart. She compares and contrast the words along with about 80 others. It is a book everyone should read.

Atlas Hub - Brené Brown

An exploration of the 87 emotions and experiences that define what it means to be human.

brenebrown.com

 

[CallieB]

Lack of empathy isn't always a defensive issue. It can be, but for most people it's an inability to understand or relate to the unfamiliar struggles of others. Don't try to force empathy. When people to try to guess how you must be feeling, or try to compare their own frustrations with yours, it's rarely a success.

Like if I say I had to cut all contact with my abusive mother... and you say you understand because your mom snapped at you once... that's not empathy. People often try to offer these comparisons in an effort to connect, but they are not helpful.

The thing about compassion is, you feel it somewhere for something. Begin by identifying things that evoke compassion in you. When you see an injured animal laying on the ground, do you feel a need to help it? No intellectual analysis on what it must be like to have that life. No attempt to put yourself in the animal's shoes. Just a visceral impulse to help it. That's compassion.

There are some therapy exercises where you use examples to evoke an emotion and you let yourself get comfortable feeling it. Then you think of humans to whom you can apply the emotion. When the intellectual arguments come against it (but he could get a job, he could try harder, etc) you say those are good questions for a later time, right now we're being compassionate.

In your prayer time with the Lord, you can ask the Holy Spirit to join you in this and empower you to transform your heart.

 

[Richard T]

You should ask God to put you in situations where you will feel His compassion and thoughts on a matter. Perhaps you want more human empathy, but I don't think I am wrong to suggest it is God that has to intervene to us from the Holy Spirit to our born again spirit.
I can point to several experiences that helped me change my thinking and gave me compassion that seems quite persistent. I will share a few.
I was at a Charles and Francis Hunter healing meeting. Though some were being healed by the power of God, I also saw that many were not. I just started weeping for those in need.
In my worldwide travels I had a chance to see swollen bellies from a lack of food, also children begging (some likely needy and others perhaps not). I have seen young girls and even boys selling themselves, cripples and even a few likely possessed or with some demonic manifestations. I have seen the severe lonely, a man who gave me half of his meager savings, a couple who had severe disabilities praising God on a street corner.
I am sure too that I have missed opportunities. In some of these cases I had a failure to share or to act. These regrets break my heart as well.
So all I will say is perhaps take a look at the hurts around you and ask God to see them through His eyes. Pray and seek the compassion of God for those needs. Pray you are touched and can be willing to respond. Pray too that you are able to recognize what you are called to do; that you can stretch your limits but not be overburdened with problems that you are not called to fix.
I would suggest that human love and compassion can be far different from God's love and compassion. The latter is far more reaching, far more effective and far more lasting.
Romans 12:15-16 (KJV)
15 Rejoice with them that do rejoice, and weep with them that weep.
16 Be of the same mind one toward another. Mind not high things, but condescend to men of low estate. Be not wise in your own conceits.
God bless.

 

[com7fy8]

I have talked with people about what I think God's word says would be good for them. And ones can say I know too much and feel too little. In my case, yes, I could be speaking with pride about how much I felt I knew for straightening other people out. But loving includes telling the truth, but love also feels for people . . . yes, I now would say.

But do we have to be exactly like someone else and suffer as much as someone, in order to be able to feel for the person and help him or he? Well, Jesus was in Heaven with all going so well for Him; yet, He cared about how things are for us down here in this evil and horrible world. So, Jesus came here to heal us and to give us such better life of His love.

He even went through things we go through so now Jesus can feel for us plus minister to us His own grace which made Him so successful here even while being hated and suffering >

"For we do not have a High Priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but was in all points tempted as we are, yet without sin." (Hebrews 4:15)

Jesus felt for us, even while having it so good in Heaven. And He went through actual experience here so He now can sympathize with us while ministering to us . . . sharing so personally.

So, like Jesus, we can in a practical way be able to empathize with others - - by using our own experience to help us understand what others are going through. And minister to others what has helped us, what has worked for us. And God can use this more than we might be getting told > ones might say, oh you can't understand me because you haven't had it so bad like I have. But I will offer >

God's word says you can help any person "in any trouble" >

"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God." (2 Corinthians 1:3-4)

Because God is the real source of all mercy and comfort, with God yes we all can have the ability to feel for and minister to any person. And ones should appreciate, then, however anyone tries to bless them in their problems, and not in pride to claim no one cares and no one can understand them!

Even though you are not suffering *exactly* the same way as someone else, the grace and comfort you have is the same as what the other person needs. And the other person is wise to appreciate what you do have to offer, then.

We can listen to someone and learn how things are for them. And thank them for helping us to understand them.