How to deal

[BeanMak]

I know most of you have younger children, but I need some suggestions on how to deal with my 20 year old. He is not a believer so biblical authority holds no sway. He loves me, but has been a difficult kid all of his life. He had had drug issues in highschool, but that has been resolved. He works nearly full time at a warehouse, and is in community college. and lives at home. He just started seeing a new girl friend. He has stayed out all night Sunday and Monday night, and this morning, his bedroom door is closed and locked (which he never does) which makes me think that she is in there with him.
Now what do I do?
Is it time to send him out into the world? (I don't think that he is ready) Prayers are appreciated.

 

[Christi]

This is going to be easy for me to say, but would be hard for me to do. I really feel that as long as he's living in your home, he should respect your feelings and obey your rules. I think you should lay it out for him and let him decide which it's going to be. I think if he wants to stay out all night, and sleep with his girfriend, he should aquire his own home to do it in. And pray lots.

 

[chriso]

We have a 20 year old daughter still at home. It is sometimes difficult. They are adults but still living at home. So they need to go by the rules of the house. Remember the terrible twos. I think they were just getting us ready for the teenage years and beyond. You will have to set some rules for your son and he will have to abide by them. You don't have to tollerate improper behavior in your own home. God Bless You and I will keep you in my prayers.

 

[Risen Tree]

You can't be their bosses; they won't respond well at that age. But you are in charge of your house, and they do have to abide by some basic ground rules. Try to be flexible with them, however. Keep in mind what you were like in your early 20's!

 

[BeanMak]

Yep, the girlfriend was there. I took my younger son to school, and they were both up when I got home. (well, she was up, he was laying on the couch with a blanket over his head, he wouldn't get up for the discussion) So I apologized to her for my son putting her in the middle, when he knew my feelings and rules for our house. I told her flat out that I would not approved of unmarried sex, especially in my house. I explained my worry about pregnancy (and my son's lack of resourses to raise a baby) and STD. I told her I would like to know her as my son's friend, not as the chick he is sleeping with. She was respectful. He was a coward to make her face me alone.
I will talk to him alone again, and lay it out- my house, my rules- or get his own place and not rub my face in it.
Please keep me in your prayers.

 

[Risen Tree]

Do not be afraid to be blunt. The most heartless action you could take is the path of least resistance.

 

[the Colonel]

If he thinks he is a man, tell him to act like a man and get his own place. There, he can have as many or as few rules as he wishes. Until he can provide his own place, his own food, his own utilities, etc., he can abide by your rules and respect you and YOUR house!

Just my opinion (oh, and Dr. Laura Schlessinger's opinion).

--the Colonel

 

[Christi]

Yep, if you are big enough to do it, you ought to big big enough to afford it.
BeanMak, I'll pray for you, I know this has got to be so stressful. *hug*

 

[Risen Tree]

Just my opinion (oh, and Dr. Laura Schlessinger's opinion).

Dr. Laura rocks!

 

[draper]

Well if you force religion on him he'll hate you and the Church.

So just let him live his life and hope - not pray, praying is just talking to yourself IMO, that he decides to change his ways as far as drugs etc so. Pre Martial sex doesn't hurt anyone, but the drugs hurt him. So hopefully those go. As far as staying out late, that's normal behaviour for a 20 year old, obviously.

 

[4GivnGrrl]

OK, it's time for me to jump in here. Firstly, Draper, where are you getting your info? On what do you base your opinions? Personal experiences? Or heresay? I am really wondering.
In my experience, pre-marital sex ABSOLUTELY is hurtful, to both ppl involved. The obvious reasons would be STDs and accidental pregnancies. Which is potentially followed by abortion.
Then there are the not-so-apparent things, like damaging self-worth, reputation being hurt, Losing yourSELF, and as a Christian, I believe there are spiritual things that happen when 2 ppl have sex, also. "Soulties".
OK, so sex before marriage is bad, b/c it cheapens the actual act of MARRIAGE, and it reduces the ppl to "a loaf of bread"---something that is common and can be acquired pretty easily.....
"But the drugs hurt him." Well, I'm glad to see something in there that is reality-based.
As far as prayer being just talking to yourself, I wonder if you have ever asked GOD to show Himself to you? Seriously? No? What could anyone possibly be afraid of? That He might answer, or that He might not?
Actually, I'm sure that in way too many cases, the ppl who think they are praying ARE just talking to themselves. We try to make ourselves into gods, anyway, don't we?
And re: the late nights, I have to agree that if he's living in YOUR house, Mom, you gotta let him know what will and what will NOT be tolerated. Sounds like he needs a reminder of what RESPECT is, where you are concerned.

Blessings!
4GivnGrrl