How to deal....

[MagicStar723]

Ok, I will keep this as short and to the point as possible.
My bf and I have been together for over 2 years. He went to college in Aug. We both STRONGLY believe in our hearts that God intends marriage for us and have made that commitment to eachother and to God.
Ok, so he went to a football game last Sat. and met a Christian girl and has been hanging out with her. They went to lunch (alone) and she calls about everyday (he doesn't call her) and they studied together once (I told him I didn't like this and he agreed he wouldn't do it anymore) How would you feel?
I have a bad feeling about it. I know God designed us for eachother so I trust His plan and I trust my bf. I just don't feel right about him spending alone time with a girl. (I haven't met her)
Input would be appreciated. You can tell me I am wrong to feel this way, or agree. I would just like to hear and would appreciate prayers as well!

 

[Oscar The Grouch]

I think that if they really bug you, then it is a legitimate concern. I know how you feel, because I feel the same way when my girlfriend is out doing things with other males alone. And I trust her completely, but for some reason it just doesnt sit right with me.

Anyways, my suggestion is just be completely open and honest with your bf about this, if he really cares about you, then he will care about this, even if he doesnt agree with it. I'm assuming that this is a LDR, but if not, i suggest meeting this girl. Get to know her, maybe that'll ease your fears. Otherwise, maybe suggest to your bf that they find/make a study group so its not just the two of them alone. And for your bf to make sure she understands that he has a girlfriend and he isnt looking for a new one.

 

[laura-ann]

If I was you I would be concerned. Very concerned. Have a talk with your bf, maybe even bring up marrige? Let him know how much you love him - if you have already agreed that marrige is more than likely the way its gonna be then you need to make it 100% clear how upset or hurt this is making you feel. If he wants to be your husband then he should be concerned aswell. And also, try and meet the girl.

 

[InTheFlame]

Some people are a little naive and think they can minister to vulnerable members of the opposite sex without any problems cropping up... others are softies who don't know how to say, 'this isn't appropriate, you need someone else to talk to'. Do either of these sound like your bf?

 

[Sascha Fitzpatrick]

MagicStar,

Oh, I can relate to you - been there a fair bit, and had to deal with a lot in myself, before I was comfortable with my boyfriend doing it (heck, I'm still working on it now!)...

Whether it's right or wrong, you do feel this way, and you can't ignore it. Maybe it has something to do with an unfaithful man in your past (mine was my father), maybe it has something to do with the fact that you barely see him, so him going out with someone else feels like the quality time with you is no longer important. Maybe it has something to do with insecurities you have about who you and him 'are' as a couple, so any time he spends with another woman feels like a betrayal, when you're still working through becoming a steady couple. I have been through every one of those feelings, and they are OK to have.

The question you should be asking yourself is what can you do to help you feel safe in your relationship, in regards to him seeing other women? Does that mean ONLY seeing other women when you are also invited (a guideline my boyfriend and I have now), not having another woman alone with him on something that could be misconstrued as a 'date' until you feel more secure, or only having certain women allowed to be alone with him.

The most important thing to do here is communicate FIRSTLY with your boyfriend, and observe his response. Hopefully he will come alongside you, respect your feelings, and together you come up with a safe situation for both of you!

Pray heaps too about how to approach your boyfriend about it - if you haven't learnt HOW to talk about sensitive issues, now is a time to really learn how your boyfriend responds when you bring a sensitive issue up.

Sasch

 

[MagicStar723]

maybe it has something to do with the fact that you barely see him, so him going out with someone else feels like the quality time with you is no longer important.

That is exactly how I feel!
Whenever I try to talk to him about it he gets kinda defensive and tells me that he needs to have friends and I don't trust him.
I agree, he needs friends but they can be of the same sex or in a bigger group.
We talk about marriage all the time and know that we will get married. Trust doesn't have anything to do with the situation. I just feel it inappropriate and a door to uneccesary temptation.
Oh the girl has a bf too and from what little he has said about that situation he doesn't like it either.

 

[MagicStar723]

He is eatting lunch with her now, alone. I am so depressed!

 

[EmSchmem]

Honestly, if he's getting defensive, I would have a hard time trusting him. Is he also 17? Or is he older and in a different life situation? Already in college or something?

 

[MrsGnomeCrusher]

Honestly, if he's getting defensive, I would have a hard time trusting him. Is he also 17? Or is he older and in a different life situation? Already in college or something?

Just what I was thinking. If he's defensive then that's a big red flag. Let him know you're not accusing him of anything, but just explaining how you feel. If he does not take into consideration of your feelings with this situation, maybe you need to re-evalute the relationship?

 

[Tuffguy]

Honestly, in college you will hang out with other single people wether you are single or not. Its COLLEGE!! Its the most social time in your whole life.
I think you're better off cutting your loses now then having a big problem now. If you trust him then don't worry about it and stay together. If you don't, then cut it off.

 

[FaithfulServant]

This sounds like the "turkey drop" to me. Thanksgiving is coming up soon. Does anyone else use the term "turkey drop" in college? Its pretty commonly known and expected here