How to cheer Mom up?

[pegatha]

I'll be visiting my elderly mother in another state soon. She's in her mid-70's and is not doing well. Severe rheumatism (which isn't being treated right now because the meds seemed to be damaging her liver), feet too swollen to walk unassisted, congestive heart failure, and a bladder infection. She was able to live on her own until just last month or so, but now she's in an assisted living facility (not a nursing home). As you can imagine, she's in poor spirits. Does anyone have any good ideas on things I could do to cheer her up or be helpful for the week I'm there? I'll take her to her doctor's appointments, but she's not well enough for any fun outings. The place she lives does all the housekeeping & meals. I know she'll be glad just to see me, but I wish there were more I could do. Realistically, this may be the last time I ever see her, because I live too far away to make this trip again soon, at least on our income. Any ideas?

 

[Saruman]

Maybe you could take a Bible and read with her?
-Make her some cookies?
-stay and talk with her a lot.
-reminisce over old things like photos
---not sure if this has helped, but I hope she is ok.
---your second to last sentence makes me so sad....I pray God helps you all.

 

[pegatha]

Thanks, Saruman. It makes me sad, too. Those are all some pretty good ideas. The cookies would probably be useful in more than one way, because my sister tells me Mom is losing too much weight... she's down to 85 pounds. I really want to do everything I can to make this visit happy for her.

 

[Saruman]

i hope everything goes ok for you. God bless you, and your mom!

 

[Talie]

i think the photos one is a great idea - it will help you both to remember all the wonderful times you've had in life

 

[Saruman]

Thanks, Saruman. It makes me sad, too. Those are all some pretty good ideas. The cookies would probably be useful in more than one way, because my sister tells me Mom is losing too much weight... she's down to 85 pounds. I really want to do everything I can to make this visit happy for her.

be sure to tell us how it goes. I'm really concerned.

 

[pegatha]

Thanks, I will update you. I leave tomorrow morning and get back home in about three weeks, so you probably won't hear from me for a while. But I won't forget to let you know how it went.

 

[chaelsworld0o]

You know, just the little things count the most. Talking to her and spending time with her means alot to her, i'm sure! I agree so much with Saruman. Maybe some music as well? Or a simple painting/hand made card...I hope she's gonna be alright. I'll be praying for her! It breaks my heart to see things like this happen. Even though it's a way of life.

 

[pegatha]

I'm back from my trip. I want to thank everyone for their prayers and well-wishes.

Mom is better in some ways and worse in some ways than I had expected. Thank goodness, she's in a really good facility. She won't ask them for the help she needs, though. She can't do things like open her milk cartons at breakfast or take a shower unassisted, but she won't ask for help even though she's paying for the help! At least I was able to talk to the director and clue them in that Mom's not as independent as she lets on. I was also able to do little things like get her a battery-powered toothbrush. Regular toothbrushing is just really hard with her bad arthritis.

They're putting her on a new arthritis drug that I hope will make her more mobile. No wonder she's in poor spirits; she's been in so much pain from the rheumatism. I know she was glad to have me there, but in some ways we didn't do much visiting. She would get up to see us every time we came to her apartment, but then she'd have to lie back down right away to elevate her feet, and she'd end up dozing most of the visit. That's okay. She's worked hard all her life, and now she deserves to rest whenever she needs to. It just would've been nice to be able to spend more time talking and reminiscing.

I wish I could check on her again soon, but we'll be paying off this trip for some time to come. I hate going into debt, but in this case, paying the interest seems like a much lesser evil than not having gone to see her.

Thanks again for all the support.

 

[costlygrace]

I hate going into debt, but in this case, paying the interest seems like a much lesser evil than not having gone to see her.

Oh of course that is the right choice--it is a thousand times better!!! You can always pay later--but you probably can't see her later and you will always be glad you did!!

 

[Zita123]

Is your mom spiritual? If so, Call her church and see if the priest, pastor (?) can come to you both and have church in her home! That might give her a little peace of mind. Also, Stay very happy, let her know that you understand all her ailments and will pray for her. Hope you both have a great time. Lot's of prayers for you. Peace and GOD BLESS you both!! Lt's of and an Angel to guide you with her! Zita123

I'll be visiting my elderly mother in another state soon. She's in her mid-70's and is not doing well. Severe rheumatism (which isn't being treated right now because the meds seemed to be damaging her liver), feet too swollen to walk unassisted, congestive heart failure, and a bladder infection. She was able to live on her own until just last month or so, but now she's in an assisted living facility (not a nursing home). As you can imagine, she's in poor spirits. Does anyone have any good ideas on things I could do to cheer her up or be helpful for the week I'm there? I'll take her to her doctor's appointments, but she's not well enough for any fun outings. The place she lives does all the housekeeping & meals. I know she'll be glad just to see me, but I wish there were more I could do. Realistically, this may be the last time I ever see her, because I live too far away to make this trip again soon, at least on our income. Any ideas?

 

[pegatha]

Thanks, Zita. Mom was very active in her church, up until the rheumatism (RA) sidelined her. I think a couple of ladies from her Sunday school have been to see her since I got back home. However, she's in the hospital now and confused about where she is and what's going on. "Out of her mind" is the way my sister described it. The new RA drug they were giving her suppresses the immune system, and she got some kind of really nasty skin infection as a result. I wish I could help but my sister tells me there's nothing I can go from here. I'd appreciate everyone's prayers.

 

[If Not For Grace]

Get a tape recorder and record on the way there. Tell her you love her, thank her for being a good mom, tell her about the pretty things you see, what her grandchildren are doing, read her a poem or funny story.

I used an old anwering machine and made tapes by talking in the phone. You can mail one per week (daily would be great). She will get to hear your voice (include others when possible). Play remember when. The nursing assistants will play it for her. Send Cards, Flowers, pictures. Take her a Gown. Talk to her about coming home for a visit when she feels better. Next trip (don't even act like this might be the last) promise a trip out of there to a park/lake etc.

Talk, talk, talk--Comb her hair, Touch is important, hold her hand.

You'll be glad you did.

 

[symphonyb]

think the above people gave excellant tips,i'll pray for her and for you! MUSIC is great soul food too..

 

[pegatha]

I'm back home now (2,000 miles from where Mom lives), but my sister is keeping me updated on Mom's condition. Things have gone from bad to worse. In addition to the severe rheumatism, which hasn't responded to any treatment, she has severe osteoporosis. So severe, that recently her pelvis cracked in several places, and now she's immobilised with pain in a nursing home. I'm so glad I went back when I did, but another trip is out of the question for financial reasons and because I may have some serious health issues of my own (still waiting for tests on that one). I really think this is the beginning of the end for her. I can't call her because she's not even able to pick up the phone, due to pain and weakness. All I can do is write or send cards.

Yesterday I heard that Mom was refusing to eat anything. That may be a temporary mood, or it could be a sign that she's starting to let go of life. That's common in the elderly, that a refusal to eat signifies the beginning of the end. I've seen it before. I hate the thought that my children will lose their last living grandparent. I don't want her generation all to be gone from the family. But I know I'm going to lose her fairly soon, be it days, weeks, or even a couple of years, she won't be here much longer.

She was always a good person and very thoughtful of others, but she neglected herself physically, which probably contribued a lot to the osteoporosis. I guess she always thought that because she was thin, she was fit, but that's not always the case. Please, if you're reading this, take care of yourselves and your bones, especially if you're female and small-boned. Osteoporosis is a horrible disease, and to some extent it's preventable, with a little effort. I hope none of you will have to go through this some day.