I met this really great guy in January; I like a lot about him, but there are 2 problems. The biggest is that he isn't Christian and the other is he lives a long way away. (like 8 hrs. by plane) I'm not quite sure how to approach the situation. I would like to continue staying in touch, but I could see myself falling hard for him, which will probably end up hurting a lot knowing that a serious relatsionship doesn't look too practical. How do I guard myself?
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How to accept a friendship w/out wanting more?
- Thread starter mbotz72
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KeilCoppes
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It's a hard thing to say, but if I were in the same position, I'd say the only real way to guard is to let it go and drop the communication, else you're in a halfway state and your own worst weakness.mbotz72 said:
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If it's "Flee youthful lusts", how much more adult attractions....
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Breetai
For I am not ashamed of the Gospel...
I hate to say it, but KeilCoppes is right as for as I'm concerned. If you think that you could fall for this guy if you stay in touch and you don't want to fall for him, then drop communication. Keep him on your forwards list of something. Don't talk to him on Messenger or whatever you would do for hours on end.
Keeping "just friends" and "more then friends" seperate is a tough thing to do.
Keeping "just friends" and "more then friends" seperate is a tough thing to do.
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This is definitely hard to do, especially if you're a woman who enjoys making emotional intimate bonds with good friends. these bonds can very easily slip over the line of "wanting more." Yeah, i'm going through that right now myself.
One thing I suggest is keeping the issue in your prayers first and foremost.
What's going through my mind now is the idea that obviously we can be friends, intimate friends, with non-Christians as well as Christians, and this can be a glorious thing in God's sight. No doubt in my mind about that. Their faith doesn't necessarily have an impact on how friendly and attractive they are
This can also lead us to assume that feeling attracted to them romantically is honkey dorey and shouldn't be a problem. You obviously know better about this level of intimacy with a non Christian. I do encourage you to be a loving Christian woman and place this guy before the Lord in prayer. Even if your communication is sparse or nonexistant (depending on what God leads you to do), prayer for him is vital! Perhaps one day he could come to know Christ, and I have no doubt that your prayers are important to that growth God could do in him. It may not be your presence in his life that will change him, but God's presence through you bathing him in prayer could very well have a lasting effect.
One thing I suggest is keeping the issue in your prayers first and foremost.
What's going through my mind now is the idea that obviously we can be friends, intimate friends, with non-Christians as well as Christians, and this can be a glorious thing in God's sight. No doubt in my mind about that. Their faith doesn't necessarily have an impact on how friendly and attractive they are
This can also lead us to assume that feeling attracted to them romantically is honkey dorey and shouldn't be a problem. You obviously know better about this level of intimacy with a non Christian. I do encourage you to be a loving Christian woman and place this guy before the Lord in prayer. Even if your communication is sparse or nonexistant (depending on what God leads you to do), prayer for him is vital! Perhaps one day he could come to know Christ, and I have no doubt that your prayers are important to that growth God could do in him. It may not be your presence in his life that will change him, but God's presence through you bathing him in prayer could very well have a lasting effect.
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wvmtnkid
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I would also add asking God to guard your heart for you. In circumstances like this, we weak humans have trouble guarding our own hearts. We can make all kinds of excuses why we should go ahead and do what we want when our heads are telling us something different. (I know this from experience! ). Ask God to guard your heart and to close doors where He doesn't want you to tread. It sounds as though there are some doors that are on the verge of shutting if you will step back out of the way, as hard as that may be to hear (or read!) I would strongly caution you about getting involved with someone who doesn't share your faith. Add that to being that separated in distance is going to be hard as well.
). Ask God to guard your heart and to close doors where He doesn't want you to tread. It sounds as though there are some doors that are on the verge of shutting if you will step back out of the way, as hard as that may be to hear (or read!) I would strongly caution you about getting involved with someone who doesn't share your faith. Add that to being that separated in distance is going to be hard as well.
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i'm going to pass on some advice that someone passed onto me..i saved it
"The guy is not saved - what's the basis of the attraction? What do you have in common? Now, I'm not saying that you can't be attracted to an unsaved guy, cuz that ain't true - some people have good qualities, they're intellectuallly stimulating, they do conversation well, or whatever. I'm just asking to get you to think about it, cuz that will answer a LOT of questions.
Secondly, if he doesn't know Christ, the FIRST priority is to be a living, uncompromising witness. Your interaction should draw him to CHRIST - by your example, your conversation (that doesn't mean that you always have to walk around saying, "Praise The Lord!", either. But your conversation should be kept clean, absent of flirtation, be seasoned with grace and speak life and wisdom). Invite the guy to church - and don't have him come with you, either. He should come by himself, on his own. If he's resistant, that says a lot, right there. Submerse this guy in prayer. I have never known God to "remove" an attraction to anyone - you must manage it. As you submit your will and desires to God, He will give you the grace to handle the attraction, as you bring your feelings under subjection (something YOU must do). Once you discover the origin of the attraction (ask God to reveal what's going on), that may cause it to dissipate. Be careful about how much time you spend thinking about him, cuz that only fuels the attraction.
My prayers are with you - that God would speak to you and you would HEAR. Seek counsel from your spiritual leadership - they are your covering."
"The guy is not saved - what's the basis of the attraction? What do you have in common? Now, I'm not saying that you can't be attracted to an unsaved guy, cuz that ain't true - some people have good qualities, they're intellectuallly stimulating, they do conversation well, or whatever. I'm just asking to get you to think about it, cuz that will answer a LOT of questions.
Secondly, if he doesn't know Christ, the FIRST priority is to be a living, uncompromising witness. Your interaction should draw him to CHRIST - by your example, your conversation (that doesn't mean that you always have to walk around saying, "Praise The Lord!", either. But your conversation should be kept clean, absent of flirtation, be seasoned with grace and speak life and wisdom). Invite the guy to church - and don't have him come with you, either. He should come by himself, on his own. If he's resistant, that says a lot, right there. Submerse this guy in prayer. I have never known God to "remove" an attraction to anyone - you must manage it. As you submit your will and desires to God, He will give you the grace to handle the attraction, as you bring your feelings under subjection (something YOU must do). Once you discover the origin of the attraction (ask God to reveal what's going on), that may cause it to dissipate. Be careful about how much time you spend thinking about him, cuz that only fuels the attraction.
My prayers are with you - that God would speak to you and you would HEAR. Seek counsel from your spiritual leadership - they are your covering."
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