How soon is too soon ?

[J.A.I]

When is it 'too soon' to get engaged ? I have noticed that, when it comes to Christian couples, the courtships and engagements seem to be very short... I'm not engaged or married myself.. I am dating tho... And the question isn't necessarily about us, just a question on my mind. A lot of people say that you need to be a couple for atleast a year or engaged for atleast a year and so on, but I dunno.. Any stories or comments ? I know a few people whom have gotten engaged after less than a year and are very happy, so I was wondering if anyone else on CF has any stories of their own as well.....

Have a God day

 

[Living4Him03]

I think it depends on the couple. One of my friends dated and was engaged to her husband and got married all in the same year! It was not a hurried rush to get married either. They believed they were meant to be and they prayed about it and decided to get engaged. I know she would not just get engaged on a whim, she had to really believe he was the right person for her. They've been married since Sept. and are doing great as far as I know! I was just thinking of all the couples during ww2 that decided to get married after like a week of knowing each other and many of them never got divorced! I wonder why that is?

 

[DaveKerwin]

I proposed on our one year anniversary of dating. I setup a seven month engagement. I would not have done it any other way. Long engagements are a very trying time for christians because of sexual immorality and whatnot. Basically, the couple needs to be sure that they are equally yoked in all the necessary areas. If they can know within six months that they are for each other, then fine. If it takes two years, then fine. But once things get super serious, I recommend marriage so long as there is the equal yokage going on. We don't need any more divorces among christians, but at the same time, we don't need people who are afraid to committ.

How do you see it?

 

[selune]

My husband and I wanted to get married shortly after our engagement, but we listened to our folks and waited. Then we faltered in our walk, and that''s why our oldest has a birthdate a bit before nine months after our wedding date. We were ready but others weren't and we listened to them. Not blaming them, we were the ones who stumbled, but had we married when we wanted this would not have been the situation.

 

[SirKenin]

I think it all depends on the couple really.

However, you would be wise to make the most of your courtship to learn as much as possible about your potential spouse. Man, have I ever made a big mistake in that arena, so you can trust me that I can speak with a conviction that comes with experience.

If you think you can learn everything that you need to know about your partner in two months, then go for it. If it's going to take you a year, so be it. There's no clear cut answer. I've seen living examples from opposite ends of the spectrum.

Whatever you choose, make it based upon a mutual agreement and make the most of it. Remember, you're entire future depends upon the decisions you make today.

 

[John the Engineer]

If two people are both seeking the Lord and he tells them that the two are for eachother, then it's time to get engaged. Simple as that.

I have seen engagements that last a long time, I have seen engagements that last a short time. I have seen them last a short time followed by no marriage, I have seen them last a long time followed by no marriage.

The courtship/marriage/etc guideline is not what matters, it matters what's in your heart.

Also, something to keep in mind, if you spend every day with the person for five months then you know them a lot better than if you see them on the weekends. So different stories can leave a lot of "wiggle" room. I was spending every day with my girlfriend for many many hours and so we're a lot closer than most couples who have been going out for twice as long as we have.

Just my two psi.

 

[JC 101 FM]

Dated 4 months before I asked her to marry me. I knew she was the one the moment I saw her. Why wait? Have faith.

 

[Pope Gonzo]

My girlfriend and I have been "officially" dating for 3 months(in 10 minutes). We're both involved with Intervarsity Christian Fellowship on our campus, and we didn't really meet each other until the end of last year. We decided not to date right away, because it's more important to become friends. We quickly became best friends, and not long into our "official" relationship(about 6 weeks), we'd begun seriously talking about the idea of spending the rest of our lives together. At this point, all we're waiting for is for me to save up enough money for an engagement ring, but we're in no hurry. We won't get married till after I graduate in May 2006(she's graduating this December, so she's gonna start paying off loans and stuff). I love her very much, but I also understand that if God doesn't want us to be married, we'll always be best friends.

Short relationships/engagements aren't strange to our families. Her sister and brother-in-law got engaged after only two months of dating and now they've been happily married for a few years. One of my brothers got engaged after six months of dating, and they had a six month engagement. My other brother got engaged after only a handful(four or five) of dates in a semi-long-distance relationship of about an hour and a half long drive - but they had about a 14-month engagement. Like I said, I love my girlfriend and I cannot wait until I have enough money for a ring(it's not the only thing I'm saving up for - but it's pretty high on the priority list). It'll be a good time.

 

[ufonium2]

Not necessarily advocating it, but my grandparents met on a blind date and married two weeks later. They've been married 50+ years and are still very happy.

My parents didn't wait very long either, maybe six months from first date to wedding. They are still married as well, but they aren't nearly as cute as my grandparents

I am currently in a relationship that may lead to a quick engagement and marriage. We started talking about it a month into dating, but we went to preschool together and lived on the same street most of our lives, so it's not like we just met. The earliest we would get married is December, because we are long distance until May and want to see eachother every day for at least six months before we get married.

My two cents, probably worth less than that.

 

[charligirl]

I think it's advisable to have at least a year to really get to know someone before you get married, that's not to say the engagement needs to be a year, but a year from meeting to marriage. Having said that I met my husband in Oct 2002, then didn't see him again unril Feb 2003, then married Oct 2003. So it was a year from the first time we met, but only 8 months of proper getting to know.

 

[plum]

My mother and father were friends before dating for quite a while so the dating process wasn't so much a "get to know you" time as it can be for many couples. They dated, engaged, and married within 6 months! They were married for a blissful 26 years before my dad passed away.

My brother just got married in September after a year total of knowing my sister in law. They were sure of their rightness for each other and I don't doubt it

One of my profs had a date, got engaged that night, and married a month later. Still married 12 years later...

I think most of us would agree that the time spent in each stage is completely up to God in that couple's unique relationship. I can see myself doing that short engagement period as well or short dating period because I hope that I will already know that man very well as a friend, perhaps a best friend before marriage comes into the picture. Then why wait so long? Dive right in, I say. Just have premarital counseling first!

 

[BobbyS662]

Who knows how long? My parents will celebrate their 50th anniversary next month, and they only knew each other 5 days when they married. It sounds crazy, but it's true! I guess it depends on the maturity level of those involved, how much faith they have that this person is 'the one', or how crazy they are (in my parents case)