How Should I Deal With It?

[VivDaGurl]

In the past, I used to write to tell people how to help themself on sexuality problems/issues and now, I'm facing the struggle myself. Few years back, I was already struggling with this issue for some time and got it settled. Recently, my walk with God wasn't very good and I admit it, it's not good at all. I've not been reading the Bible nor praying but I still do attend church and small group for studies.

What I've been struggling in the past and now, I'm into the same old problem again is cyber sex, phone sex and fantasies. They are getting worsen each day and all I could think of is just sex. I don't know what's happening to me and each time I see a guy, my mind will start to wander off (especially when the guy turns me on). I want to get out of this entirely and be free but why does it keep coming back to me? Yes, I'm very frustrated and irritated with myself being in this situation.

Sex just come to my mind at all sorts of times, irregardless of the day or time and I can even day dream myself off into fantasizing. What's happening to me, I really don't know. I need help but what sort of help, I really have no idea. Could someone out there be able to help me out of this struggle? Now, I even plan to go over to see the guy I've been having phone sex with....oh no...this is no good!

 

[madison1101]

Hi Sweetie,
I so relate to your struggle. I have been there, and have messed up big time. Praise the Lord that He understands us, and forgives us. He also has given us His Holy Spirit to enable us to resist the temptation.

Some things that have helped me include:

1. a Yahoo group called New Life Women. We are Christian women who e-mail each other and encourage each other.
2. Having an older Christian woman in whom I can confide and confess when I fail. She reminds me of God's love and forgiveness. She also holds me accountable to reading my Bible and praying each day.
3. Joyce Meyer has a sermon series called "How to Resist Temptation."
4. Reading Psalm 51, and praying it aloud.
5. Getting on my knees and crying out to God that I am helpless, and need His supernatural strength to deal with this problem.

Keep your chin up. You are a beloved child of God. No matter what happens, He will never stop loving you, or forgiving you.

Hugs,
Trish

 

[soyness]

Just realize that God created us both MEN AND WOMEN as sexual creatures. don't be too hard on youreslf. I struggle with the same thing. Fantasizing. they always say that sexual stuff are men's struggle. i disagree. i felt like i was the most sexual out of my gfs and sisters in Christ, especially my christian sisters who are ultra conservative. But God is with us and... yea it's hard. i'm still trying to figure it out. just givfe it to Jesus.

 

[Eruliel]

Hi Viv,
First off applause for your courage. It's embaressing to admit personal failings in private, let alone a public forum.
I want to share something that I've just recently discovered really actually helps. I was in much the same situation you are in, and to a certain extent I still am, and I will be until I get married (which God willing will be in my life time). I don't mean that there is no hope. What I meant is the desire to experience sensual pleasure is always there because it's part of your natural being.
Anyway a couple of days ago I came back from my Bible camp, where my counselor advised me to pray for whoever I am going to marry (my mom made the same comment about a year ago and I didn't listen to her. I wonder why? Hmmm) when I find myself feeling lonely, or getting the hots for one of the cute boys at my theatre. The point of praying when you're checking out a nice looking man is to pull the focus off of that person and put it on the one who made you who you are: God. It also puts you in a conversation with someone who loves you beyond the love of men.
I also suggest James 4:1-10. Resist the devil and he will flee from you. In fact use the word as a weapon against temptation. Matthew Chapter Four is an excellent example of using the sword of the spirit (Ie God's Word) against Satan.
You can beat this, but only with God's help, and he will listen to your cry because it is in his nature to be faithful 2 Timothy 2:11-13. Beautiful passage of scripture.
If you want to you can private message me, and we can discuss this in depth, and pray for each other because I struggle with it too. You're not alone in the world Viv.
Slainte!
Eruliel

 

[Eruliel]

Praying For You

 

[janny108]

I have been delivered of fantasy, daydreaming and masturbation. I took a course at Setting Captives Free called Way of Purity. Maybe you can do it too, or do one or some of things other posters have recommended. I totally identify with this, the need to escape, feeling lonely, anxious or depressed. Temptation starts directed at what is IN us not always an outside of ourselves thing. Are we trying to meet our needs, or do we trust God to help us fulfill our lives? I have found for me that the fantasy, daydreaming was MY attempt to sort of numb the voids in my life.

I'm reading a book right now called What would Jesus think? by Mary Welchel. She does the Christian working woman series. We can be doing things like read the bible, go to fellowship/church and still get caught up with this kind of stuff because somewhere along the way, the word of God is not real to us in a certain area. Cutting off sources for this, whether it be books, movies, TV shows helps a good deal as does getting involved with loving Jesus more and feeding on His word.

All kinds of people have been healed of porn whether it be chat rooms to "meet" guys/gals, pictorials, books, music etc. People that have had adultery, pastors, sunday school teachers. People involved with this for YEARS. I think of the time wasted but praise God He gives a second chance! God will heal ANYONE who comes to Him. There is a verse in Psalms that says God cares about His captive children. Life is so much more enjoyable now.
Jan

 

[Mr.Cheese]

Stop the car.
you're getting way too wrapped up into this if you are going to meet someone on teh internet for this reason.
Way too many people end up in the obituaries from stuff like this.

*gives you a good shaking*
Snap out of it!
This is very unsafe, dangerous, irresponsible, and dehumanizing.

more to say, but this'll do for now.

 

[jezic]

pray a lot. I think that is the best advice anyone can give. Jesus will put people into your life to help you overcome this if you are truly serious about doing it.

 

[janny108]

Amen to that, He can and does put others in our life to help us.
Jan

 

[VivDaGurl]

First of all, thank you for all the advices that you guys posted up there. Yes, prayers would be the one and only one way out of this problem. With this going on in my life, it's pulling me away from God into a far-far-away-land and I'm looking for a path to go back but, there are just so many temptations along the way.

I don't really know how to describe to you guys here but my sexual desire is just so strong and I'm very tempted to just give in to go down see that guy. My mind is just so focussed and the fantasies are becoming stronger too. I really don't know what I should do and it just come to me irregardless of the time. I'm looking for every opportunity to get myself satisfied sexually.

I'm feeling really sick of all these thoughts that's bothering me and I'm serious about maintaining my relationship with God.

 

[madison1101]

I just remembered. There is a book called "Every Woman's Battle." I suggest you check it out. I read it a while ago.

I remember when I first got honest about my sexual lusting, I felt like I was the only Christian woman with this problem. The Lord has opened my eyes to the reality that there are many women who suffer.

God is so awesome, though. He shows me time and time again how He just loved women, and especially how He loved the women in sexual sin. Rahab, a prostitute, is mentioned in His lineage. He showes so much compassion on the woman caught in adultery. What about the woman who anointed his feet at the Pharisee's house"?

This is not to say we should continue in our sin. No way would I do that. I just use these as examples of God's awesome love for us. He has compassion on us.