how old is too old?

venksta said:

Question and advice needed. How would you advice a 12 year gap between two people. A women nearing 30, and someone who is 40? Too much of a gap, or would one have to look at the maturity between both people? My parents are about 11 years in age gap themselves.

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It depends on the person. The older party is nearing middle age and the other is discovering themselves. I wouldn’t have dated someone that age at 28. The gap is evident and the younger one is usually expected to mature. I believe seasons have a purpose and aren’t meant to be rushed. I’d have serious questions for the older party and want to know why they haven’t found what they sought in that period. And I’d examine their relatability up close.

When you’ve had a long time to focus on yourself without encumbrance it creates a different mindset. You can’t mimic the same through volunteering or service. Your time is your own and consideration is strengthened through intimacy. The choice to act or not to do so remains your own when you’re single. But not so when you’re one. We have to perform when we’re fatigued or not inclined. You want to observe their ability to accommodate the other and willingness to do so by request and otherwise. The older we are the more set in our ways we become and their ability to change is imperative and a common complaint in relationships like this.

~bella