How often do you think this happens...

[miss-a]

...that two people like each other and would like to spend time together but no one speaks up? I'm still trying to figure out Christian dating/mating, and I'm wondering if my shyness has caused men I was interested in to think I wasn't interested. And I wonder if the reverse is true, that I've overlooked people mistaking their shyness, or even their not wanting to look like a wolf, as disinterest.

Any thoughts, or just too weird a question?
Thanks, a

 

[Doctor Strangelove]

That's not odd, at least I don't think it is. When I was in my teens and twenties, I was very introverted and shy. Looking back, I know I missed opportunities. I can't really say I am shy anymore. I am still introverted but not extremely so. I am rather quiet. Men are expected to be brash and extroverted and that is thought to demonstrate self-confidence. Women don't find weakness attractive, not that they should. That I am quiet and I pick my battles has caused people to underestimate me and think I was weak when actually I might be several steps ahead of them. Some women have misunderstood me but I can't really blame them that I don't fit in that well in our contemporary culture. I can see how two people who are not very outgoing could misread each other as being aloof/not interested.

 

[dayhiker]

miss-a ... I think that does happen. I know when I was younger and much shyer there were women I didn't talk to by was interested in because of my shyness.

The lady I've had one date with is quite shy and not a talker. I called her last night, a few times we had awkward moments of silence. But I can handle quiet times. So I say I'm trying to think of something to say.

I can relate for sure.

 

[miss-a]

Good input, guys! It helps.

Thanks,
a
P.S. I'd appreciate prayers for stepping out of this shyness. I'm really trying. Thanks

 

[blackribbon]

I know I get a lot more interaction in my life when I actually step out of the shadows. I suspect that a lot of quiet people do miss each other because they are both waiting for someone else to make the first move. If you are too shy/quiet, nobody really gets to know you enough to know if they have anything in common.

 

[dayhiker]

I almost never used to make the 1st move. So a couple of weeks ago, I had dance with this day for most of the night. She is good at following and I can lead a little so we were doing more than just free style dancing. I asked when we were ready to go home if I could walk her to her car. Turned out she was parked right beside my car. Then I got really brave and asked if could give her a kiss good night. A very nice gentle kiss we both enjoyed.

 

[CounselorForChrist]

I never made the first move. I was to quiet and always waiting for them. And every time I would watch as the person I really liked would find someone and eventually marry them. It hurt me deeply and I beat myself up for staying silent. One of the woman when we were teens seen I was depressed at her wedding. She asked me what was up. I told her I always wanted to tell her I liked her but was to shy. She said she liked me to but was also waiting for me to make a move. If she known maybe we could have been something.

I remember at my high school prom (well homeschoool high school prom) I was sitting with my friends and this girl I had liked came up to me and asked me to dance with her. I said no because I was shy as it was..way to shy. She got upset and sat in a corner crying to herself. I went outside and cried myself realizing what a stupid mistake I made. I tried talking to her before everyone left and I told her I did want to dance with her but was to shy. I didn't mean to make her upset.

She just didn't say anything and left with her parents. I cried some more realizing I blew it. At that point I blame myself because afterwards she started rebelling against her parents, went out and dated bad boys, started having lots of sex and in the end went into the military. I talked to her a few years ago on FB and told I had regretted the day I didn't dance with her.

SHe said she forgave me but at the same time I had hurt her deeply and she wanted nothing to do with me really. So moral of the story is try to speak up because you never know if you are meant to be with that person. Its common to be shy but the end results aren't worth it after.

 

[miss-a]

I agree with you, xfreak. I think we do need to move on from our shyness. I believe the Lord is really dealing with me with this. I've been praying about it, and I'll be praying for you as well. If you ever need a friend who understands, please feel free to pm me.

 

[miss-a]

Thanks blackribbon, your encouragement is much appreciated.

 

[CounselorForChrist]

I agree with you, xfreak. I think we do need to move on from our shyness. I believe the Lord is really dealing with me with this. I've been praying about it, and I'll be praying for you as well. If you ever need a friend who understands, please feel free to pm me.

Sure thing. I'll be praying for you too. While online dating is not always the best, it had helped me break out of being so shy because if you don't tell someone you are interested then they won't respond since they won't know lol.

It helped me alot when I met my fiance. I was the first to tell her I love her. And right after she told me she felt the same. Its pretty much how it worked when we got engaged. I bared my self to her and told her I wanted to take things to the next step and marry her. I felt so good for not being shy. Not to mention if you find someone but wait to long to engage, it may kill the relationship since after awhile you question whether or not the other persons loves you since they haven't brought up marriage either.

 

[Life2Christ]

I never made the first move. I was to quiet and always waiting for them. And every time I would watch as the person I really liked would find someone and eventually marry them. It hurt me deeply and I beat myself up for staying silent. One of the woman when we were teens seen I was depressed at her wedding. She asked me what was up. I told her I always wanted to tell her I liked her but was to shy. She said she liked me to but was also waiting for me to make a move. If she known maybe we could have been something.

I remember at my high school prom (well homeschoool high school prom) I was sitting with my friends and this girl I had liked came up to me and asked me to dance with her. I said no because I was shy as it was..way to shy. She got upset and sat in a corner crying to herself. I went outside and cried myself realizing what a stupid mistake I made. I tried talking to her before everyone left and I told her I did want to dance with her but was to shy. I didn't mean to make her upset.

She just didn't say anything and left with her parents. I cried some more realizing I blew it. At that point I blame myself because afterwards she started rebelling against her parents, went out and dated bad boys, started having lots of sex and in the end went into the military. I talked to her a few years ago on FB and told I had regretted the day I didn't dance with her.

SHe said she forgave me but at the same time I had hurt her deeply and she wanted nothing to do with me really. So moral of the story is try to speak up because you never know if you are meant to be with that person. Its common to be shy but the end results aren't worth it after.

Good lord! Your dating history is an epic fail. Good thing you are finally getting married now.

 

[Doctor Strangelove]

Good lord! Your dating history is an epic fail. Good thing you are finally getting married now.

That is not constructive. I would hate to be judged for every awkward moment I have had.

 

[power2theweak]

Good lord! Your dating history is an epic fail. Good thing you are finally getting married now.

Not a nice thing to say.

 

[Life2Christ]

I was just being "me". I was not being mean. That is how I talk in real life. I'm generally not a mean person. That is somethign I would actually say. That was in Xfreakazoid's past and now he has a good situation. If he was still stuck in the past I would have kept my mouth shut.

 

[Doctor Strangelove]

I have to struggle not to be so much "me" sometimes.

 

[Life2Christ]

I have to struggle not to be so much "me" sometimes.

You know what, if you have a problem with me please take it to private messages. This is so not necessary.

 

[christianguy1510]

Christian guys I know spend waaaay too much time talking about who is or is not interested in them. Just go out with someone and have fun I tell them. Don't make the first meeting too formal. I do believe that Christian men try too hard and frankly act overly nice to get a girlfriend. It's a turnoff for women.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

Christian guys I know spend waaaay too much time talking about who is or is not interested in them. Just go out with someone and have fun I tell them. Don't make the first meeting too formal. I do believe that Christian men try too hard and frankly act overly nice to get a girlfriend. It's a turnoff for women.

interesting! Good to know. thanks.

Welcome to the forum BTW

 

[CounselorForChrist]

Good lord! Your dating history is an epic fail. Good thing you are finally getting married now.

Yes it is lol. But looking bad I am glad it happened the way it did. I learned from it and seeing how those women are now it was probably for the best since I was to shy to say anything or else I could have been stuck in some terrible marriages.

And yeah I am not offended by the comment. I understood what you meant. I would happily go thought my dating past (or lack of) to get to the point where I am at now.

 

[Life2Christ]

Yes it is lol. But looking bad I am glad it happened the way it did. I learned from it and seeing how those women are now it was probably for the best since I was to shy to say anything or else I could have been stuck in some terrible marriages.

And yeah I am not offended by the comment. I understood what you meant. I would happily go thought my dating past (or lack of) to get to the point where I am at now.

I appreciate that. I know I can joke with you becuase you always say how much your love your fiancee and how happy you are so I know its all good.