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How much intimacy is too much intimacy?

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slippinginfaith

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We all know what the Bible tells us to do, but let's be honest here.
Lust is one of the hardest things to control, especially since everyone is bound to be intimate with their significant other.
Question, what do you do to combat this cause personally I don't think it's right to just get married so you can just have sex..
 

slippinginfaith

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Maddox said:
You can always control your lust by watching bubble porn which is fake porn. It was mentioned this is allowed for certain nominations like Mormons.
Hilarious stuff.

Click to expand...

LOL I don't watch porn really. I find it disturbing. Only the real stuff is what really gets me. I think that gets everyone right...
 
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JohnNess

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My wife and I, when we were dating, made a list in a notebook of all the touches we'd tried. Anything from handholding to making out to hotter stuff like neck-biting. We each rated all of these by how turned on they made us, with three categories: OK as much as we want (such as handholding), OK in moderation (making out), and avoid (the hotter stuff and certain cuddling positions we thought were inappropriate for a couple waiting until marriage). We also agreed to be honest with each other about how turned on we were and that we shouldn't push it beyond a 6 on a scale of 1 to 10. Maybe this seems a little harsh, but it worked for us and our first time was on our wedding night.
As for getting married to have sex, I agree that that's a bad idea, but I think it's a worse idea to use that as an excuse to just have all the sex you want before marriage. If you've waited so far, I'd encourage you to keep waiting; it's worth it.
 
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slippinginfaith

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My ex and I were each other's firsts, though since we first got together we were wanting to wait until marriage but it happened and in the end, he broke up with me because he thought that we were too dependent on one another and lead one another to sin (sex being one of it). My current bf isn't a christian so it's more complicated. Both of my relationships are long distance though (including my current one), so we haven't met yet. And after the breakup, I feel so messed up that I don't care anymore sorta. I have the "might as well" attitude but I wanna try and do better, but even my bf can't even lead me when it comes to my faith. I have to do it myself and it's hard. Idk if I can do it
 
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JohnNess

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It sounds like you have an important choice: your faith or your personal pleasure. I know sex is awesome and if, God forbid, something were to happen to my wife, I would find it extremely difficult to hold off until marriage once I started dating again. That said, dating someone who isn't a Christian and can't lead you spiritually is only going to cause problems with your faith. Even if you managed to be strong and convince him to not have sex until you're married, you would have a spiritual leadership void in your life that would leave you dissatisfied and your differing faiths are likely to cause problems if either of you take your beliefs seriously.
I know it may not be what you want to hear, but I would personally recommend finding a strong Christian who is a genuine leader instead of a non-Christian LDR.
 
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slippinginfaith

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Thanks for the advice. Honestly, I don't think everyone can even find someone period. Let alone having to be picky and having to find someone who is from their area and share the same faith. I am trying to be grateful for what's given to me and make deal with it. My ex was someone that I dreamed of, in terms of everything (including faith) and yet he used the declining of our faith as a petty excuse to break up with me. Unfortunately, not everyone's love story is written in an easy smooth way, mine has been very bumpy and dark, to say the least. I'm trying to hang in there so that I can be happy, yet still have my faith. Find someone who is this and that is a lot easier said than done in my opinion, but thank you. Please keep me in your prayers.
 
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dayhiker

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I guess the first thing that helped me was doing an extensive study of Mt.5:28 and what Jesus was trying to say about lust. Since the context is the 10 commandments and then the command not to commit adultery, I found it interesting that Paul uses this Greek word when he quotes the command to not covet. Once I start using the word covet instead of lust I was able to understand better what was addressing that I wasn't to look at another man's wife and covet her. That I can do, no problem.
 
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PrettyChillAtheist

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Probably not the advice you want but why not, I'll throw in my two cents. Take it or leave it.

Intimacy is a huge part of a relationship. All the people here who were each other's "firsts"? Fantastic, but i think you got lucky. Having different libidos, or being into different things in the bedroom can absolutely kill a relationship. For some people it works, but it definitely doesn't for others.
 
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