How many dates before you are boyfriend/girlfriend?

Christian2110 · Nov 22, 2006

I have never had a girlfriend, in late 20s and I would like some advice.

I have been out on date recently with a beautiful young Christian lady and she has agreed to meet me again for lunch.

I like her and I think she likes me also.

If the second date goes well (which if it is like the 1st, it should), what do I do next?

When do I suggest we are boyfriend/girlfriend?

After a third date?

Please help. I'm clueless in this area.

Blank123 · Nov 22, 2006

i think once you know that the two of you feel the same way for one another it'd be a safe time to approach the subject. Don't feel that you have to rush it though.

princessellie · Nov 22, 2006

depends on the two of you, my SO and i never did the whole verbale "do you want to make it official" thing, we just kept seeing one another and talking all the time and befor we knew it it is nearly 9 months later.

but a third date would be (as it was for us) a good point to talk about where it is heading

PastorJer · Nov 23, 2006

Dear Clueless

I think that before the end of the second date you should approach the subject of where you see your relationship headed. From my own personal experience the third date almost never happened... primarily because there was more guessing than talking on my part... boy am I glad that God had his way of working through that near miss...
In other words, ask and make your intentions clear to her... doesn't have to be dramatic, or anything... just talk about it...

Hope that helps you out...

And by the way... I waited until just last month to make it official with my very first g/f.

Blessings!

The Princess Bride · Nov 23, 2006

I'd say *generally* afer the 3rd or 4th date, relationship "status" is a good thing to bring up....

Although, my BF & I decided what we were after our 1st date...(though we'd known each other quite a while by then...)

It just depends on the couple, and how quickly you two can agree on how to "define" things.

ImperialPhantom · Nov 24, 2006

Whenever you two decide you are. It could be today, or it could be nine months from now. I typically wait for the girl I'm dating to bring it up by asking what salespeople call a "buying question", and if it's something I know I'm ready to do at that point, I'll go for it.

The Princess Bride · Nov 24, 2006

ImperialPhantom said:
I typically wait for the girl I'm dating to bring it up by asking what salespeople call a "buying question", and if it's something I know I'm ready to do at that point, I'll go for it.

Now I (personally) am the exact opposite....guess I may be old fashioned since I hold to the notion that the GUY should be the one to initiate something further.

javaluver · Nov 24, 2006

The Princess Bride said:
Now I (personally) am the exact opposite....guess I may be old fashioned since I hold to the notion that the GUY should be the one to initiate something further.

I feel the same... Hence the near miss PastorJer spoke of!

tonybartoli4hope · Nov 24, 2006

-this is really going to be different for each girl / guy pursuing the relationships. A key is to find out how many different areas you connect on and especially Spiritually--. And it can be so true that opposites attract---one of ya thinks- "it's freezing in this room", the other is "nah it is soooo warm"!

So I say not an exact # that you can put on this.
God bless!
-tony

angels23 · Nov 24, 2006

Relationship are amazing, and i don't think you could have a formular that would suit everybody, sometimes God will purposely Hinder, and other times, Not. Blessed be the Name of the Lord

ImperialPhantom · Nov 24, 2006

The Princess Bride said:
Now I (personally) am the exact opposite....guess I may be old fashioned since I hold to the notion that the GUY should be the one to initiate something further.

What do you usually do if you feel that he's not moving fast enough, and are unsure of his feelings on the subject?

~Beauty_from_Pain~ · Nov 24, 2006

I think when you both are wanting to just go steady with one another and aren't dating other people. For me, I would want the guy to ask me if we could officially go out (as boyfriend/girlfriend) just because I like to know where things stand in a relationship.

Briseis · Nov 24, 2006

It has nothing to do with the amount of dates you have been on, but when you are ready and willing to be in a relationship, and yout together decide its time.

The Princess Bride · Nov 25, 2006

ImperialPhantom said:
What do you usually do if you feel that he's not moving fast enough, and are unsure of his feelings on the subject?

I wait it out...giving it 2..maybe 3 months..If he doesnt intiate a definate "status" by then, I generally "excuse" myself from hanging out except at group events and church.

The reason why I personally feel that it is important for the guy to initiate it is one very simple reason:
It shows he can take charge(though not being dictatorish either).

I dont want to date or marry a push-over or someone who can't be a leader. Plain and simple.

If he can't make up his mind where a relationship is leading and communicate his intentions to me, I dont want to touch the whole ordeal with a ten foot pole!

ImperialPhantom · Nov 25, 2006

The Princess Bride said:
I wait it out...giving it 2..maybe 3 months..If he doesnt intiate a definate "status" by then, I generally "excuse" myself from hanging out except at group events and church.

The reason why I personally feel that it is important for the guy to initiate it is one very simple reason:
It shows he can take charge(though not being dictatorish either).

I dont want to date or marry a push-over or someone who can't be a leader. Plain and simple.

If he can't make up his mind where a relationship is leading and communicate his intentions to me, I dont want to touch the whole ordeal with a ten foot pole!

What are hints or "buying signals", so to speak, that you would give him that you are ready? I ask because I don't think guys should initiate the relationship without being able to tell if she is even interested at all.

The Princess Bride · Nov 25, 2006

ImperialPhantom said:
What are hints or "buying signals", so to speak, that you would give him that you are ready? I ask because I don't think guys should initiate the relationship without being able to tell if she is even interested at all.

Right that is understand able too.

Asking her to lunch or a cup of cofee is good to start...because it is seen more as a "friendly" gesture.

She wont feel as pressured to accept or declined, since "dinner & a movie" are more "date" events anyways.

Or here's another old fashioned thought: ask her dad. Sometimes dad's can get the inside scoop on their daughters interests. He may be able to steer you in a better direction, as he can give you hints to things she likes and such.

superfly · Nov 25, 2006

it's important to establish a good friendship BEFORE going out with them. why? because then you can observe them interacting with others. this gives you a clearer insight into their character and their relationships with others. you get to know them better as a friend than as a gf, because one usually puts your best foot forward when going out with someone, whereas you're more relaxed when with a bunch of friends...

there's tons more i can say about this, so if you wanna chat with me, feel free to pm me.

ImperialPhantom · Nov 25, 2006

The Princess Bride said:
Right that is understand able too.

Asking her to lunch or a cup of cofee is good to start...because it is seen more as a "friendly" gesture.

She wont feel as pressured to accept or declined, since "dinner & a movie" are more "date" events anyways.

Or here's another old fashioned thought: ask her dad. Sometimes dad's can get the inside scoop on their daughters interests. He may be able to steer you in a better direction, as he can give you hints to things she likes and such.

What I meant was, if you are interested in being in a relationship with a guy, how would he be able to tell before coming right out and asking you to be his girlfriend?

The Princess Bride · Nov 25, 2006

ImperialPhantom said:
What I meant was, if you are interested in being in a relationship with a guy, how would he be able to tell before coming right out and asking you to be his girlfriend?

Good question!

Well, I'd say hanging onto his every word, doing things for him, trying to always be near him, talking to him a lot for no reason about random things, taking an interest in what he likes....You figure it out!

Perhaps I should be asking what clues a guy thinks he SHOULD be looking for and they yay or nay them!

ImperialPhantom · Nov 25, 2006

The Princess Bride said:
Good question!

Well, I'd say hanging onto his every word, doing things for him, trying to always be near him, talking to him a lot for no reason about random things, taking an interest in what he likes....You figure it out!

Perhaps I should be asking what clues a guy thinks he SHOULD be looking for and they yay or nay them!

Haha, well, I'd definitely count those as buying signals

I just discussed a lot of this with a male friend yesterday who was in a very one-sided "relationship" a year ago that he still isn't over, so these are fresh in my mind... (I put relationship in quotes because she never specifically agreed to be exclusive)

Green light: What you said, plus she touches me a lot (not sexually, I mean like she touches my arm when she talks to me or gives me long hugs, or good old fashioned childlike rough-housing), or she asks me a "buying question" (for example: "Where do you see 'us' going?" or something like that), acts goofy and silly and confused around me

Red light: I have to put in all the effort to see her, talk to her, hang out with her etc, she never calls me, she acts like she's too busy for me, acts bored by me, she makes no effort to add to the conversation, always the first to end conversations or say "I gotta go", she talks about how happy the single life is for her, she talks about not being ready for a relationship, or she just does something crazy in general (acts very interested one minute, then completely disinterested the next)

How many dates before you are boyfriend/girlfriend?

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