How long to heal?

[micaela]

My one (and only) relationship ended 3mths ago. He broke it off, and although it was for valid reasons I shouldn't discuss on the forum, I still keep waiting for the phone to ring and for him to tell me that it was a mistake to end it.
I continue to pray to God for healing of the hurt, that I will accept that the relationship has ended, and laying it all before God to make sure I'm not being secretly unforgiving of my ex. Am I missing something?

Is there a rule that tells me how long it will take to heal or just get over it? (written with a good deal of sarcasm, a little bitterness and a lot of hurt).

 

[kelco]

My one (and only) relationship ended 3mths ago. He broke it off, and although it was for valid reasons I shouldn't discuss on the forum, I still keep waiting for the phone to ring and for him to tell me that it was a mistake to end it.
I continue to pray to God for healing of the hurt, that I will accept that the relationship has ended, and laying it all before God to make sure I'm not being secretly unforgiving of my ex. Am I missing something?

Is there a rule that tells me how long it will take to heal or just get over it? (written with a good deal of sarcasm, a little bitterness and a lot of hurt).

micaela. No there isn't a rule. I wish there were. No you aren't missing anything. It really does take a while to get over all the grief and hurt and bitterness and to forgive the other person. (I'm talking from experiece). The only thing you can do is what you are doing now, handing it over to God.

 

[wvmtnkid]

's to you Micaela! I know how hard it is to let go of someone you cared for. Just because his feelings changed and ended, doesn't mean yours did at the time his did. It takes time to let go and move on. I think the more we love and care for someone one, the harder and longer it takes for us to let go. Just my experience. But you are doing some good things. Continue to pray. God is the only one who can heal your pain. As cliche as it sounds, it just takes time and prayer.

's for you too!

 

[hischildsindik]

Healing is an individual thing, all I know is that if you keep God in the middle of it, it goes faster than if you try to do it alone.

Time does not heal all wounds... God does. Let Him have your heart.

 

[KeilCoppes]

Any candidate time periods? From personal experience, I would say that a year makes a difference, but only if you're working on living life and moving on. "moving on" - that's a painful phrase when you were thinking about the rest of your life and thought you had found your other half. I also think that the older you get, the harder it goes.

- 3.5 months & counting

 

[the_man]

My first major heartbreak, it took 2 years to completely get over her. It really depends on the individual, and the circumstances. Recently I just avoided a relationship that wouldn't be good for me but was tempted to enter. Similar situation to the first heartbreak but i'm not as broken hearted over it. I will recover from this one a lot faster me thinks.

 

[Macrina]

I'm sorry about what you're going through. It's agonizing, I know.

As others have said, there is no rule -- alas! -- that will tell you when you will be "over" him. When you love deeply, it isn't easy to move through the hurt of it ending.

Several years ago, I went through a terrible break-up. I was struggling, as you are now, with wanting him to call, wanting it to go back to the way it was... It took a lot of time and a lot of prayer for me to move through that experience. Something that was critical for me was that I just allowed God to minister to me during that time. My morning "breakfasts with God" were what would get me through the day... just simple scripture reading, basic (not eloquent) prayers.

At that point in my life, I realized that when we date someone, that person can seem like the most important person in our life. We want to know more of them, be with them constantly, think about them all the time. I concluded that what I needed at that time was to (as I called it) "date God." I needed to allow my focus to rest totally on Him, because He was truly the One that I needed to know better and spend more time with. Gradually, instead of feeling emptiness from my lost relationship, I started to feel full of the love God was showering on me. I pray that the same thing might happen for you.

 

[Princess Pea]

Wow - this is almost identical to the first question I posted in CF! I've come a long way since then ... thanks for the opportunity to reflect!

Everything these people have told you is true. I really can't add any more good advice - they've said it all.

As for how long it takes - well, depending on when you start counting, my relationship has been over for as long as it was on. Am I over it? Depends what qualifies as "over it." I feel ready to move on and meet someone else, yet I think it would tear me apart to see him with another woman. I occasionally entertain thoughts of it still, somehow, working out, yet I know in my heart it wouldn't. I don't get really, really sad any more except (men, just skip to the next paragraph here ... except when I'm hormonal. )

I wish I knew how much time it would take too. Mainly, I just try to be thankful to have had the experience. Sometimes that's easier than others.

It will get better.

 

[Stanfi]

I'm am sorry to hear that you are hurting.. Why does this happen? What went wrong? Why does God allow it? Why does it take so much time to heal? This are just some questions that I have.


Any, first I am glad to hear that you realize that you need to heal. So many don't and just jump into another relationship before they are ready, and things just get worse.

Yes, it does take time. I am sorry to say. I agree that the more you love and care about someone, and the older you are the harder and longer it is. I think on average I would guess 2 years.

My preacher said something just last week. When you truly love someone, no matter what they do, you still love them, and it just doesn't go away. So, true.

It is hard to accept that it is over, that someone who meant so much to you is not a part of your life anymore, but in time with God's help you will heal. No, it won't be easy. I encourgae you to spend time with friends you truly love you and accept you. People you can talk to, perhaps they can help you sort through your feelings, and aid in your healing progress.

I will recommend a couple of books both are bye Michelle Mckinney Hammond. "What become of the broken hearted" and "Prayer Guide for the Broken Hearted". Both will help you get your foucs off of your pain and onto God.
Yes, I hate heart ache. I know it all to well myself.

 

[invisiblebabe]

Yes, it does take time. I am sorry to say. I agree that the more you love and care about someone, and the older you are the harder and longer it is.

Out of curiosity, why do you say it gets more difficult as you get older? I would actually say the opposite, that it gets somewhat easier as you mature.... my first heartbreak (at age 13) was almost as bad as the one with my ex fiancé (age 19) and the latter one was far more serious and had far more commitment... The third one, though (at age 20, where we were also quite serious) really was not very bad.

 

[kelco]

Yes, it does take time. I am sorry to say. I agree that the more you love and care about someone, and the older you are the harder and longer it is. I think on average I would guess 2 years.

My preacher said something just last week. When you truly love someone, no matter what they do, you still love them, and it just doesn't go away. So, true.

It is hard to accept that it is over, that someone who meant so much to you is not a part of your life anymore, but in time with God's help you will heal. No, it won't be easy. I encourgae you to spend time with friends you truly love you and accept you. People you can talk to, perhaps they can help you sort through your feelings, and aid in your healing progress.

I guess the worst part for me is that we work togther and I still see him 5 days a week, so it will probably be a longer time for me to heal. But I know that it would have been a disaster of a relationship if I had stayed with him. The onlything I can do at this point is keep my guard up and let the Lord lead me in the right direction.

 

[KeilCoppes]

My preacher said something just last week. When you truly love someone, no matter what they do, you still love them, and it just doesn't go away. So, true.

I'd add as well, that when you commit before God to love someone and always desire their good, that commitment can't go away - it was made before. The feelings may change, but the responsibility to pray for and hope for their good still remains.

And it's a true thing. When I committed to love that time I committed no matter what it cost me. And so, though the feelings have changed and been severed and disconnected, yet I still pray regularly that God would bless her with growth and with the man that He would bring for her. If you can't commit even to your own ill, then how can you ever commit for better or for worse? Agape has no conditions.

 

[Beauty4Ashes]

wow, awesome responses. They said it all. All I can say is that its been almost 1 and 1/2 years for me and i'm only finally truly over him.....(heh, as long as i don't see him or run into him and/or his new girlfriend) so in a small sense, i'm not completely over him. I don't know if i ever will be until i meet the man i'm truly meant to be with.

I've been thru a lot of hurt and pain in my life but a broken rejected heart and spirit was probably the worst thing i've had to endure after having a relationship end without my consent. It is very very difficult. But God desires to grow soo close to you in this time and become your boyfriend in the truest sense of the word. He is the lover of your soul and only he will never leave u, forsake u, or reject you. That has been the one positive thing i can draw away from my heartbreak, how much closer i have drawn to God because I had to. What else could I do?!

s and out to you. Like was said before, Friends, Prayer, Hugs, the Word, and God's love combined with time is what it takes.

God bless you

B4A

 

[micaela]

Thanks so much for all the wonderful responses. I should have sub-claused my post by telling you that I didn't actually fall in love with him. I was committed to the relationship completely, and had committed to long-term plans with him which is what hurt the most when it ended. Although the romantic love feelings hadn't come yet (I'm thankful for that), it was the lost hopes and plans that devastated me as it was my first and (I'd hoped) only relationship.

I actually had dinner with him tonight for the first time in 5 weeks and it was the first time we've had fun and I haven't come home angry or sad over him. Praise God! I was still kind of hoping that the reason he'd asked me to dinner was because he realised he'd made an enormous mistake, and I'm the woman of his dreams (!), but it's nice just to have spent a fun time together.