How long is "long enough" before getting engaged?

DocThomas · Oct 15, 2007

I must say, at least two years. And go through many trials. If you are together for two years, off and on, and barely see each other, and never have any disagreements, you two need to spend more time together, find out how you disagree, and see if you can communicate and resolve your differences easily. If so, you're a good match.

tessas212 · Oct 17, 2007

I think it depends on when you frist meet them. I've with my first and only boyfriend for 8 months. It has flown by and we've already discussed marriage. If I were over 20, had a job already, etc.. even with only 8 months I would not say no to a proprosal. Not at all. But being that I'm not yet even in college, I've made him promise to wait until at least next summer to propose and we can get married after I graduate college if everythign works out. He's getting antsy already! I don't know how he'll manage! Lol

Leanna · Oct 17, 2007

... until people can get over it and stop judging.... lol... oh wait for some people there never will be a right time for that, its either too short or too long. DH and I got engaged after 3 months, and we're almost to our 8 year wedding anniversary.

Gardener101 · Oct 17, 2007

Browneyes84 said:
I was wondering what was considered "long enough". How long were many of you engaged couples dating for before getting engaged?

I think it really depends. In real life it's usually after at the very least 9 months, in CF, it's usually within days

dusky_tresses · Oct 17, 2007

DocThomas said:
I must say, at least two years. And go through many trials.

I'm glad you said the second part there because a lot of people simply do not realize how many trials my fiance and I have been together through. I mean goodness, he's had to deal with my psychotic family, we've dealt with job losses, moves, etc. My fiance told me after he lost his job that he was sure I woulda said goodbye but I didn't, and I guess it's how we both handled that trial which says a lot. And he's dealt with my family-- which says a lot to me (in fact my family barely fazes him, I LOVE IT!). I know the friend who told me that 3 years wasn't a long time hasn't really gone through much with her boyfriend-- so I guess it's not a comparable situation.

I sorta laugh when I see a couple ladies here wondering when they're going to get proposed Not laughing at you, but when my fiance and I were dating, I never brought up proposal, rings, etc. He was always the one to do that. In fact, I hate jewelry and I guess that was the thing that gave him the sign to marry me

Timyone · Oct 31, 2007

3 years sounds like a good amount of time, if your only 19 i guess its different, but over the age of 21 or so id say is cool

ladyinwaiting16 · Nov 2, 2007

we had been going together for 3 months before he propsed to me in a letter. We will have been together for a yr in feb. We are planning a wedding for the end of may next year.

xXxKristaxXx · Nov 5, 2007

I really dont think there is a set amount of time before you get engaged, if you both feel ready to get married then do so but it honestly isnt really anyone elses business to how long you were with your fiance' before you got engaged.

PinkRose10 · Nov 9, 2007

When I was engaged I was with him for a year before we got engaged, I dont think that it matters how long you are together. When you feel ready then go for it!

Apollo Celestio · Nov 12, 2007

I've been with my GF for almost a year. (Dec 2.) I'm nowhere near ready, nor will I ever be. At least that's what I think..

eatenbylocusts · Nov 23, 2007

I sincerely hope my bf changes his mind about 2 years being about the right amount of time. He's been divorced for three and has never practiced abstinence in a romantic relationship before since I'm his first gf post-divorce. 2 years! I already see his resolve slipping after being so adamant at first that he do the "right thing" for once in his life.

If things continue to progress as they have been, a year will be plenty of time for me. I've never gotten to know someone so deeply, so fast. There are some awesome pre-marital classes that need to happen too.

shaslove · Nov 24, 2007

PinkRose10 said:
When I was engaged I was with him for a year before we got engaged, I dont think that it matters how long you are together. When you feel ready then go for it!

I agree with this. You cannot put a set timelimit on it.

My DH is 31 and I am 29. We were together for 8 months when we got engaged and for 14 when we were married. It worked for us.

Windmill · Nov 24, 2007

Ishida said:
I've been with my GF for almost a year. (Dec 2.) I'm nowhere near ready, nor will I ever be. At least that's what I think..

Know how you feel mate [somewhat- I'm not in the same situation but about the whole never-being-ready thing]

wpiman2 · Nov 24, 2007

I have been married twice and I am still not ready to get engaged...

dusky_tresses · Dec 3, 2007

JennLynn said:
SO and I have been together for 4 years and he has yet to pop the questions! UGH!

My parents were together 6 months and they got married. Not sure how long it took for them to get engaged.

Keep in mind that you are still rather young. I know that sounds funny for me to tell you this, me being only 3 years older than you (but almost 24). It's typical that when you've had a teen relationship, you want to take things slow and there's nothing wrong with that.

My fiance's parents started dating when they were 16 and they got married at 20. But that was also back in the 70's when it was typical for people to get married that young too. In fact, back then their courtship was considered "long".

CargoPants said:
Once upon a time I would have endorsed a long period of "courting" before getting engaged and married, but as I've gotten older and experienced things I've completely changed my view on this.

If you love each other, why wait a set amount of time? None of us know if we have a tomorrow, why waste any time today?

For instance, if you plan a wedding 2 years ahead of time, who's to say either of you has that much time on earth. We don't know.

And yes, I am speaking from experience.

I completely see what you mean. My fiance and I decided that we would take a year to plan our wedding but that was it-- no longer than that. We're not having anything lavish but we do have huge families, some cultural things to work through, premarital classes, etc. All things to enrich us before our wedding date however.

I know a lot of young women around my age and younger who are engaged and want to wait YEARS before getting married. I would go nuts! Some of these girls want to wait to finish school, which I can understand-- but I'll still be in college and married, but I could care less about that. I always thought in my mind that if my fiance and I really love each other and want to be together, let's just get married. But that's just me.

How long is "long enough" before getting engaged?

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