How long is "long enough" before getting engaged?

[dusky_tresses]

Recently one of my friends told me that my fiance and I should be dating for much longer before we got engaged. He and I have been together for more than 3 years! Isn't that rather long?

I was wondering what was considered "long enough". How long were many of you engaged couples dating for before getting engaged?

 

[JadeTigress]

Recently one of my friends told me that my fiance and I should be dating for much longer before we got engaged. He and I have been together for more than 3 years! Isn't that rather long?

I was wondering what was considered "long enough". How long were many of you engaged couples dating for before getting engaged?

I don't think there is a set amount of time, just however long it takes for you both to feel ready. One of my brothers was with his girlfriend for 8 years before getting engaged, another brother took 4 years, and my oldest brother (the last one to get married) was with his girlfriend for less than a year before getting engaged.

 

[dusky_tresses]

That's sorta funny because everyone has an idea of what isn't long enough-- for instance, many people would consider anything under a year not long enough-- but as far as what is, it's sorta hard to say?

 

[Gardener101]

9 months of face to face interaction.

 

[cakes&buttercream]

I would consider 3 years to be a good time to get engaged, if that is what both parties want. I think it truely takes years to know a person, not just a few months. BUT by year 2-3 you should KNOW at that point if you want to marry that other person.

 

[dusky_tresses]

I would consider 3 years to be a good time to get engaged, if that is what both parties want. I think it truely takes years to know a person, not just a few months. BUT by year 2-3 you should KNOW at that point if you want to marry that other person.

I agree with you. The girl who made that comment to me has been with her bf for close to 5 years and still doesn't know if she wants to get married. Oh well, I guess everyone's different. She's not Christian either, so that would explain her thinking as well.

 

[JennLynn]

SO and I have been together for 4 years and he has yet to pop the questions! UGH!

My parents were together 6 months and they got married. Not sure how long it took for them to get engaged.

 

[Beautiful Fireball]

9 months of face to face interaction.

Lol, is that a legititmate answer?

 

[cakes&buttercream]

The church I use to attend says as a rule, six months.. lol... I didn't know church had a say in those matters..

 

[peanutbutter12]

There is no rule, no regulation, no correct answer to this question. The answer is based solely on the couple in question. My wife and I were dating for around 6 months before getting married. We had only known each other for 2 months prior to our dating. Our marriage and relationship is tight knit.

It's really a personal issue between you and your other. I think that before anyone gets married, they should go through counseling together and be prepared mentally, financially, spiritually, and maturely. Marriage is responsibility and needs to be handled as such.

 

[miss_klara]

My young adults pastor married her husband after being together 5 months! They have 4 adult sons and are still very happily married. While she wouldn't recommend it, that turned out fine for her!
3 years is definitely one of the longer waits that I've heard of! I don't think there's anything wrong with it at all - you certainly haven't rushed in, contrary to wht that girl was saying.
I think it is different because she's a non-Christian though. In a lot of ways, she's probably living the kind of lifestyle with her boyfriend that you will be living with your man, once he's your husband. A lot of non-Christians, in Western Australia at least, are opting not to marry at all these days. Marriage rates where I'm from are dropping significantly, whereas the number of couples who live together is huge.

 

[Monaleezza]

I've waiting over 2 years and I'm going crazy, I so want to move onto the next stage!
I believe that dating for too long can be damaging for a relationship.

Every cycle should be just that.. a cycle.
Changing jobs, moving house, making new commitments, moving forward with your relationship.. courtship is something that we shouldn't be doing for years and years!

I think 3 years should be a max, but there are no hard and fast rules with this sort of things.

 

[Weasel7711]

Recently one of my friends told me that my fiance and I should be dating for much longer before we got engaged. He and I have been together for more than 3 years! Isn't that rather long?

I was wondering what was considered "long enough". How long were many of you engaged couples dating for before getting engaged?

Anything longer than 2 years is max if you are both financially and situationally able to marry. Otherwise, if you don't know whether you want to marry him/her after 2 years, you PROBABLY wont ever figure it out. I would say minimum 6 months, that being said my parents were engaged after 2 months and they have been together almost 25 years.

 

[BeautifulDestiny09]

each couple is different!!!!! my fiance' and I got engaged after being together a year, but we started talking about it (in agreeance) around the 5 month mark...but the timeline is between you, your SO, and GOD...however, I say it really doesn't take longer than 2 years at the MOST to know if you're going to marry that person or not...by then, it should be a matter of "we're going to get married by_____" or "we're not going to get married"...but I've seen ppl court for four or more years and be happily married, so who knows...

 

[ImperialPhantom]

My old vicar waited something like five years before getting engaged. His girlfriend had to say to him "ring before six years, or I'm out". So he proposed. Not exactly romantic. And from seeing them together (married at that point), it was obvious to me that she runs the relationship.

 

[Rebekka]

That's sorta funny because everyone has an idea of what isn't long enough-- for instance, many people would consider anything under a year not long enough-- but as far as what is, it's sorta hard to say?

LOL! It really depends on the couple. When you're certain of each other and yourselves, you're mature enough (and an adult), both emotionally ready, want the same things from life, and are able to support yourselves and possible children, then there isn't a "too soon", IMO. Nor a "too late". I often wondered why couples I knew (my brother for example) waited for 10+ years (with or without living together first, and with or without children - most of my acquaintance are atheists), but some of them have very happy marriages, so even though it took them a long time to make up their minds, it worked for them - it would not have worked that way for me, but my way certainly isn't for everyone, either.

Says someone who got engaged 8 days after meeting her husband, and who got married exactly one year after meeting him. That's 3 years and 3 months ago and we're still very happily married and very much in love.

And yes, I knew my husband very well when we got engaged. It didn't take us long to get to know each other, we had spent a lot of time together, and we were both very mature.

Everyone is different. But no one who knew us and saw us together told us that we were going too fast - no one. They could all see how great a couple we were, and are.

 

[Gardener101]

My old vicar waited something like five years before getting engaged. His girlfriend had to say to him "ring before six years, or I'm out". So he proposed. Not exactly romantic. And from seeing them together (married at that point), it was obvious to me that she runs the relationship.

Okay, what about this guy who waited 17 YEARS before getting married? Can you imagine having to wait that long?


http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/li...ews.html?in_article_id=483829&in_page_id=1773

 

[dusky_tresses]

I would have already let the guy go and went on with my life before waiting that long!!!! goodness, you coulda already started your family and have teenage kids by then!!

 

[CargoPants]

Once upon a time I would have endorsed a long period of "courting" before getting engaged and married, but as I've gotten older and experienced things I've completely changed my view on this.

If you love each other, why wait a set amount of time? None of us know if we have a tomorrow, why waste any time today?

For instance, if you plan a wedding 2 years ahead of time, who's to say either of you has that much time on earth. We don't know.

And yes, I am speaking from experience.

 

[Monaleezza]

SO and I have been together for 4 years and he has yet to pop the questions! UGH!

My parents were together 6 months and they got married. Not sure how long it took for them to get engaged.

Any updates? Any signs?
I've been with my SO for 2.5 years and I'm at the edge of my seat waiting for my proposal. *sigh*