I've decided to write this out in the hope that it helps or inspires others, bear in mind it is a story in progress, as I continue to grow in Christ. 
As a cynical, pessimistic teenager, I always had a premonition that I was going to die when I turned 20.
As people around me know, I'm pretty much always right, having had these kind of predictions before. Once again, I was right, but what I could have never predicted is that God was going to give me a second chance, take away the old me and let me be reborn.
I am 20 now and pretty much grew up with no belief as my parents didn't want to push anything on me, regardless of what they believed. I lost both of them by the age of 18 and pray that God is looking after them as I couldn't have wished to have two better parents.
Scarred by this pain, I was repeatedly driven to alcohol to blot out the pain, which lead to the inevitable one night stands, harm to others and myself, and of course, continued unhappiness. No matter what I did it wouldn't go away. I tried everything to try and fill the void, with a disregard for my own health, even ending up in hospital with a caffiene and nicotine overdose which nearly gave me a heart attack. Truth is, the alcohol never did fully blot out the pain but I didn't mind if I was going to harm myself trying.
Through all this I was proud of my Atheism, my friends and I used to joke that we would go door to door preaching our "faith". After all, Jesus and God were for nuts, something to believe in to shy from reality and total fantasy. God was illogical. Why would he let bad things happen?
Nothing changed until two years ago, when I got into an argument with a (now) friend of mine about Christianity. Truth is, at the time I didn't even especially like the person involved but he did the best thing for me that anyone has ever done. He didn't try and tell me I should be this, that, or that I was going to hell, he just answered all my questions and I found myself wanting to know more and more. What started out as my chance to tell him how stupid he was (which I'd done with numerous Christians before) turned into his chance to tell me I was wasting my life. But it took a lot of persistence on his part and even then I wasn't convinced. Sure, the stories were great, but God only existed in the minds of those who believed. But would he have really lied about all his experiences with demons and evangelising?
A few weeks later, God took the decision about whether to believe or not out of my hands and I just had this moment and feeling where for the first time in my life I truly believed that there was a God and I wanted to know him and for him to help me. Suddenly my perception of reality was shattered. But not for long.
Unfortunately, whenever anyone becomes a Christian, demons do everything they can to stop them. So I started drinking again, got really unhappy again, and forgot to look to God. Funny how all the money I could have needed, a great flat, a place at a top college doing a course I loved and great friends could make me unhappy. Despite my reluctant admission that there was a God, I was nowhere near ready to change my life, or stop sinning, particularily with men, which lead to forgetting about God and turning to drink.. I was an easy target.
Finally, this summer I started to remember, grow and seek to find Jesus again. It culminated this March, when I was just reading Christian articles online and I suddenly knew I had been filled with the Holy Spirit. How? I just had a total spilt second change of attitude and personality. All the sins that had been trapping me suddenly weren't because I didn't want to carry on with them any more, and I suddenly found the words and feelings to be able to fight and stop. Of course, I'm still taking steps in the right direction but all the really crucial problems that would have been unimaginable to stop were stoppable overnight. Funny how sometimes now, I'll be getting ready to get annoyed at someone making a lot of noise, and it's almost like someone puts a hand on my shoulder and tells me to be happy that other people are enjoying themselves. I have found a before unknown sense of calm, peace and protection that are so strong that they can't be in my imagination. I seeked these feelings in numerous other things before, but only the truth and God could bring them.
Having lost my way once now I am super wary of everything and the ways in which the devil works. Jesus has forgiven me and slowly helping me sort through the problems and sins that I am trapped in, plus touching those around me involved in these situations. I fell in love with someone I shouldn't and he has just agreed to ask Jesus into his life to give us a solution. What I loved is I didn't need to push it on him, he knew about my faith and I prayed for him, then he started asking me questions about what we could do and how he could turn to God because God had helped me so much. We agreed to leave the situation in the hands of God, and only talk at the moment when he wants to email me a quote from his prayer book! Everyone around him is amazed in the change in his personality that happened overnight, especially someone who never admitted he was wrong or managed not to lose his temper in 30 years. It is never too late or too impossible.
I have learnt not to be shy or cover up my Christianity to those around me who are worried I am in a "cult", learnt to forgive, ask Jesus for help and accept the advice, and everyone wonders how I always manage to stay so calm!
I've also finally managed to commit myself to waiting until marriage for sex which is awesome.. and I never thought it would be possible but I am actually totally OK with it! SO unlike me! I have Jesus to thank, and I know he will continue to help until there are no sins or unavoidable temptations between me and God. I realised I had truly made it when I realised that God doesn't want us to sin because it is bad for us, rather than to please Him. Too many people stop out of fear of hell, rather than realising that the commandments are God's advice to us to live a full, happy, blessed life.
I just have to make sure I don't lose my way again, but I am determined this time having experienced being blessed by God, the changes in my life and self are on their own are indisputable evidence for His existence. Trust me on this one.. it was a BIG change that no amount of "self help" acheived before!
I'm still learning and getting used to being a "Jesus Freak" but I've come so far already and am still growing. Many people are already coming to me with questions, so I'm looking forward to God using me soon to give others what he gave me.. life.
As a cynical, pessimistic teenager, I always had a premonition that I was going to die when I turned 20.
As people around me know, I'm pretty much always right, having had these kind of predictions before. Once again, I was right, but what I could have never predicted is that God was going to give me a second chance, take away the old me and let me be reborn.
I am 20 now and pretty much grew up with no belief as my parents didn't want to push anything on me, regardless of what they believed. I lost both of them by the age of 18 and pray that God is looking after them as I couldn't have wished to have two better parents.
Scarred by this pain, I was repeatedly driven to alcohol to blot out the pain, which lead to the inevitable one night stands, harm to others and myself, and of course, continued unhappiness. No matter what I did it wouldn't go away. I tried everything to try and fill the void, with a disregard for my own health, even ending up in hospital with a caffiene and nicotine overdose which nearly gave me a heart attack. Truth is, the alcohol never did fully blot out the pain but I didn't mind if I was going to harm myself trying.
Through all this I was proud of my Atheism, my friends and I used to joke that we would go door to door preaching our "faith". After all, Jesus and God were for nuts, something to believe in to shy from reality and total fantasy. God was illogical. Why would he let bad things happen?
Nothing changed until two years ago, when I got into an argument with a (now) friend of mine about Christianity. Truth is, at the time I didn't even especially like the person involved but he did the best thing for me that anyone has ever done. He didn't try and tell me I should be this, that, or that I was going to hell, he just answered all my questions and I found myself wanting to know more and more. What started out as my chance to tell him how stupid he was (which I'd done with numerous Christians before) turned into his chance to tell me I was wasting my life. But it took a lot of persistence on his part and even then I wasn't convinced. Sure, the stories were great, but God only existed in the minds of those who believed. But would he have really lied about all his experiences with demons and evangelising?
A few weeks later, God took the decision about whether to believe or not out of my hands and I just had this moment and feeling where for the first time in my life I truly believed that there was a God and I wanted to know him and for him to help me. Suddenly my perception of reality was shattered. But not for long.
Unfortunately, whenever anyone becomes a Christian, demons do everything they can to stop them. So I started drinking again, got really unhappy again, and forgot to look to God. Funny how all the money I could have needed, a great flat, a place at a top college doing a course I loved and great friends could make me unhappy. Despite my reluctant admission that there was a God, I was nowhere near ready to change my life, or stop sinning, particularily with men, which lead to forgetting about God and turning to drink.. I was an easy target.
Finally, this summer I started to remember, grow and seek to find Jesus again. It culminated this March, when I was just reading Christian articles online and I suddenly knew I had been filled with the Holy Spirit. How? I just had a total spilt second change of attitude and personality. All the sins that had been trapping me suddenly weren't because I didn't want to carry on with them any more, and I suddenly found the words and feelings to be able to fight and stop. Of course, I'm still taking steps in the right direction but all the really crucial problems that would have been unimaginable to stop were stoppable overnight. Funny how sometimes now, I'll be getting ready to get annoyed at someone making a lot of noise, and it's almost like someone puts a hand on my shoulder and tells me to be happy that other people are enjoying themselves. I have found a before unknown sense of calm, peace and protection that are so strong that they can't be in my imagination. I seeked these feelings in numerous other things before, but only the truth and God could bring them.
Having lost my way once now I am super wary of everything and the ways in which the devil works. Jesus has forgiven me and slowly helping me sort through the problems and sins that I am trapped in, plus touching those around me involved in these situations. I fell in love with someone I shouldn't and he has just agreed to ask Jesus into his life to give us a solution. What I loved is I didn't need to push it on him, he knew about my faith and I prayed for him, then he started asking me questions about what we could do and how he could turn to God because God had helped me so much. We agreed to leave the situation in the hands of God, and only talk at the moment when he wants to email me a quote from his prayer book! Everyone around him is amazed in the change in his personality that happened overnight, especially someone who never admitted he was wrong or managed not to lose his temper in 30 years. It is never too late or too impossible.
I have learnt not to be shy or cover up my Christianity to those around me who are worried I am in a "cult", learnt to forgive, ask Jesus for help and accept the advice, and everyone wonders how I always manage to stay so calm!
I've also finally managed to commit myself to waiting until marriage for sex which is awesome.. and I never thought it would be possible but I am actually totally OK with it! SO unlike me! I have Jesus to thank, and I know he will continue to help until there are no sins or unavoidable temptations between me and God. I realised I had truly made it when I realised that God doesn't want us to sin because it is bad for us, rather than to please Him. Too many people stop out of fear of hell, rather than realising that the commandments are God's advice to us to live a full, happy, blessed life.
I just have to make sure I don't lose my way again, but I am determined this time having experienced being blessed by God, the changes in my life and self are on their own are indisputable evidence for His existence. Trust me on this one.. it was a BIG change that no amount of "self help" acheived before!
I'm still learning and getting used to being a "Jesus Freak" but I've come so far already and am still growing. Many people are already coming to me with questions, so I'm looking forward to God using me soon to give others what he gave me.. life.
so great to hear, Asbury. Praise God!! 
