How far is too far?

boogalaboogala · Feb 4, 2014

dating is fine.. sex talk leads to sex.. holding hands is nice.. kissing can get sketchy.. if it is a dry kiss, then sure.. but control it.. necking leads to petting and then just keeps on going.. you can definately enjoy the company of another without sinning.. just continue along as you are now.. trust primarily in the Lord and the relationship you share with Him first and foremost.. then expect the same from anyone that wishes to be in a relationship with you.. be sure that they are Christ centered in their life also.. wait til you are married to allow any kind of sexual talk or activity..
this is coming from a guy that has been in the navy and have been with so many women that i cannot count or remember any names.. i wish that i could take it all back... but, i cannot. so the next best thing is to warn people about wolves such as i was.. they will love you and leave you.. just saying i love you is not love..
the one thing i did find in every relationship was that sex complicated everything.. to the point that it was all we had.. boys want what they cannot have.. once they have had it.. it is no longer a prize.. again wait til you are married to the one that wants to go through life with you, regardless if there is sex or not.. he just loves you so much that he cannot imagine being without you.. .. it will happen one day.. that is if you respect yourself enough to wait onGod's best for you.. blessings sister

swimgirl · Feb 4, 2014

"If she told me she would not kiss me until the wedding night I would dump her. Somewhere along the line she was taught that sex was dirty,that it was so bad that you had to stay FAR from it. I would be suspect of where that piety may take us post wedding day."[/QUOTE]

Well that's not very respectful.

asiyreh · Feb 4, 2014

There's a wonderful thing that happens the first time you "make love." It unites you to this other person, in a very... I want to say almost spiritual way. For the first time you're so in love with this other person it's hinging on idolatry.

Now all good things have their purpose in God but can be turned to serve an evil role. I believe God instituted this fiery spark, to forge a man and wife together, all the days of their long life.

A beautiful thing it would have been in days of morality, when a man and woman came together on the night of their wedding and presented the gift of their unopened selves to one another.

Spunkn · Feb 4, 2014

iambren said:
"I am more looking for stories from people who are already married, maybe, who did/did not kiss, etc. before their wedding and whether or not they regret it. Since I am a girl, I don't really know how men think about this and whether or not kissing would cause them lust more..?"

Swimgirl, if I started dating a gal in college and she wanted to save sex for the wedding night I would respect/esteem her. If she told me she would not kiss me until the wedding night I would dump her. Somewhere along the line she was taught that sex was dirty,that it was so bad that you had to stay FAR from it. I would be suspect of where that piety may take us post wedding day.

I disagree, perhaps she has had guys take it too far in the past through kissing, and now she wants to make sure that certain boundaries are not crossed. Perhaps she struggles with lust / sexual temptation and doesn't want to come close to giving into that temptation. Not wanting to kiss doesn't automatically mean someone has the idea that sex is dirty.

iambren · Feb 6, 2014

Spunkn said:
I disagree, perhaps she has had guys take it too far in the past through kissing, and now she wants to make sure that certain boundaries are not crossed. Perhaps she struggles with lust / sexual temptation and doesn't want to come close to giving into that temptation. Not wanting to kiss doesn't automatically mean someone has the idea that sex is dirty.

If she is THAT weak I'm not interested. Sounds like you're making excuses for a messed up gal. I want a courtship where I can ENJOY my woman,and that means dates,travel,and kissing!

"If she told me she would not kiss me until the wedding night I would dump her. Somewhere along the line she was taught that sex was dirty,that it was so bad that you had to stay FAR from it. I would be suspect of where that piety may take us post wedding day."[/quote]

Well that's not very respectful. Do I not have a say?

Spunkn · Feb 6, 2014

I never said you don't have a say. That's not what I said at all. You can dump her if you want for not kissing, that's your choice.

I'm just saying I don't agree with your assumption that any woman who doesn't agree to kissing before marriage should be dumped and is messed up. You can't make that assumption against all women.

Inkachu · Feb 6, 2014

swimgirl said:
Well that's not very respectful.

It's also absolute nonsense. I was someone who considered not kissing until my wedding, not because I thought sex was dirty, but just the opposite; I knew that physical affection was so intensely intoxicating (translation: GOOD!) that I would have trouble drawing responsible boundaries. Knowing that sex (and sexual acts) was such a powerful, driving, and AWESOME force, and knowing that it should be reserved only for my husband, was my motivation for those ideas. A man who would automatically jump to concluding that I was prudish or thought sex was "dirty" would only be making pitiful excuses for his own lack of self control, because he'd be utterly wrong. That didn't make me "messed up" or "weak", it actually meant that I was RESPONSIBLE and MATURE enough to recognize my own weak areas, and take steps to avoid temptation. That's WISE.

There's nothing wrong with wanting a woman that will hug you and kiss you and hold hands with you. But don't be a jerk and slander other people who don't believe as YOU do.

swimgirl · Feb 6, 2014

"If she is THAT weak I'm not interested. Sounds like you're making excuses for a messed up gal. I want a courtship where I can ENJOY my woman,and that means dates,travel,and kissing!"

... It seems to me like you're saying "it's my way or the highway." Wanting to not have sex till marriage is one thing (you say), but kissing is not? I don't think that displays a Christian. And sure..I mean you can dump whoever you so choose for whatever reason, but that doesn't make it right.
Side note: what do you mean by travel? Are you implying that you think it's ok to have sex before marriage? Not sure..

thatforumguy77 · Feb 6, 2014

PURITY is not a set of "No's" but it is a singular "Yes." Purity is a decision. An action. It is something you do, not a set of things you avoid doing. For example, it is not "stopping yourself from being touched, tempted, and various other things" but it is instead "Remaining Untouched until the Correct Time." It is a positive action. It is not subtractive.

I have not kissed. I feel the pull to do so, particularly toward the girl I adore. But remember, the fruit of the spirit is self control. Also, we are to remain pure before marriage. Also, love is patient, and it does not center upon selfish gratification. When you feel that a person is "yours" and more of an object to satisfy your own urges than a person to share love and goodness with, then you are in the wrong road. We are to deny ourselves and become one with our spouse, we lose our individuality and become one. Sexuality is sanctified by God to only be consummated upon marriage for this reason - for the union of man and wife is only partially physical, but more so, spiritual. And to remain pure in spirit, you must actively seek sanctification by being obedient to God's word. And we all know what God prescribes about sex and marriage.

anyathesword · Feb 7, 2014

Commit to your education first!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That's one thing I totally regret. At the end of high school, I won a full ride scholarship for nursing and I gave it up for a man.

Please focus on your degree and career first, love is not Worth it for the moment. And stay away from any physical things, it will burn you!

OGM · Feb 7, 2014

Yeah...education, Education, EDUCATION.

iambren · Feb 8, 2014

Let me be clear: a woman that dates yet removes herself from displays of affection are pathetic. She would strike me as a woman with a very low self control. After we're married and a guy comes on to her at work will she cave then do to her "weakness".

To live by a standard so barren of courtship is not responsible or mature. Rather it sounds like the current bandwagon to not kiss before the wedding. What's next--to not hold hands until wedding? Not hug before wedding? It seems all silly,as if gold stars were given out when the wedding line is crossed. Most people couldn't care less. I would prefer a "chaste" wedding where they made love (became one) on their wedding nite. Other than that it's their business!

Spunkn · Feb 8, 2014

That's fine to have that opinion, but not everyone holds to that opinion or thinks that it is correct. I would question a girl who would not hold hands, but I would respect a woman who didn't want to kiss even if I may or may not agree with her at the time. It's about respecting the other person.

You haven't even gotten to know the person, and yet you automatically jump to the conclusion that this person has low self control, or will cave to a "weakness" after you're married. That's not a correct assumption at all.

No here suggested no hand holding or no hugging, it's mostly to deal with kissing which some people do need to draw a line at not kissing. Not many, but there's some out there who it works better for. Just because it doesn't work for you, doesn't mean that it works that way for all.

I would say it's just the opposite. It's of the bandwagon to kiss, heavy petting, and sleep with your partner before getting married in order to "know" that you're compatible with one another.

contango · Feb 8, 2014

swimgirl said:
First let me say that I have never had a bf and I have always been content with that. But I don't know what the future holds and I am becoming more aware that I could meet somebody soon. I am starting college this year and that is where a lot of couples meet. I am not looking for a bf. I have big hopes and dreams career wise, but I want to be realistic and open to the possibility. Therefore, I want to be fully convinced about my standards. I am wondering how far is too far to go physically with a bf/gf. I am more looking for stories from people who are already married, maybe, who did/did not kiss, etc. before their wedding and whether or not they regret it. Since I am a girl, I don't really know how men think about this and whether or not kissing would cause them lust more..? So just any help or advice would be awesome. Thanks guys.

To be honest the "how far can I go?" question is the wrong question to ask. It's as if you want to figure out where the line between "sin" and "not-sin" lies and then walk right up to the very edge of the "not-sin" area. If you start with that sort of outlook, chances are you'll get swept up in the heat of the moment and figure a little further won't hurt.

Personally I'd find it very surprising if a couple didn't kiss before being married. Somewhere between not even holding hands before the marriage, and jumping into bed on the first date, lies the happy medium. Scripture draws some lines, so the question really is where you are comfortable within the "not-sin" area.

If you get really into passionate kissing you will want to go further (probably men more than women but I've been married a while so things might have changed in the meantime). That doesn't mean you shouldn't be kissing, but does mean you should have figured out in advance where your comfort zones lie. If a relationship is developing and you think you'd be happy with more physical contact then as long as you're not crossing Scriptural lines you're OK. The main thing is to think about things in advance so you don't get overtaken by events.

How far is too far?

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