How Far is *too* Far?

[msjones21]

I saw a thread on the Youth Board (Gals sub-board) and there was a topic on how far is too far when it comes to intimacy. Because I'm over 21 I couldn't post, but I found it discouraging just how many Christians hold the mindset that premarital sex is acceptable in God's eyes so long as you're going to marry that person eventually, or that other forms of sexual intimacy are okay because it's not going "all the way". There is always such a push for teenagers to remain celibate, but what about us single adults? Have we been forgotten because we should be "grown up" enough to not succomb to sexual temptations? I hope not because we need it more than ever. Who holds us accountable? We're adults, many of us have our own houses/apartments. Most of us wouldn't be "punished" by our parents if we got caught having sex. It's only too easy to fall prey to Satan's devices and trickery when it comes to sex. I won't lie, it's not easy being a 22 year old chaste female who only courts, but I know that God's chosen man for me (if there is one, that has yet to be revealed) will be looking for a woman such as myself because God created us specifically for one another.

Back on track. Adult singles (all ages), what do you consider "too far" when it comes to sexual intimacy for Christians. Do you have different asnwers for different levels of commitment? If so, what are they? What is a particular stumbling block in your life and how do you strive to eliminate that hinderance to maintain your purity? I'll answer my own questions:

I think that any intimate act that arouses sexual feelings in the other person is going to far. For some thing could be a passionate kiss, a long embrace, or a backrub. Obivously things such as making out, heavy petting, cuddling, "dry sex" (fully clothed), oral, and anal sex are out of the question.

I think these boundaries should exist for any relationship, regardless of whether or not you're merely dating, friends, or if you're two days away from your wedding.

My area of struggle is feeling like I need male attention so I tend to settle for any guy that comes along and then I feel pressured to engage in sexually charged activities with them in exchange for their willingness to date me.

My solutions:
~Intense prayer and fellowship with God every day.
~Committing to a season of chastity until my wedding day.
~Involving my family and my church elders in my decision and looking to them for accountability and Godly counsel.
~Committing to a life of courtship as opposed to dating.

 

[ummidrinkcherrycoke]

I agree that anything that causes a sexual response in you or the person you're intimate with is "too far".
For me and for most other guys it's heavy kissing. So I stop before I get to that point

 

[oworm]

My solutions:
~Intense prayer and fellowship with God every day.
~Committing to a season of chastity until my wedding day.
~Involving my family and my church elders in my decision and looking to them for accountability and Godly counsel.
~Committing to a life of courtship as opposed to dating.

 

[Risen Tree]

Hugging is as far as I will go. Kissing tends to be the first step in an emotional avalanche that ends up in sex.

 

[msjones21]

Amen everyone. And thank you to all who have responded thus far.

 

[desi]

If you think Jesus would disapprove its time to stop.

 

[Hewitt]

I honestly think it's dependent on the people and where they are in their relationship's with one another, and their relationship with God. I know many great Christian couples who kissed before they were married, and didn't let it overcome them. I also know Christian couples who have taken serious falls because of things as simple as kissing. Dating vs. Courting? Why are names so important? I've read Joshua Harris, and I believe he really has good intentions but like he says, name doesn't matter. I don't care whether I court or date long as God's leading the way. You've gone too far when you have to ask yourself if you've too far. The Holy Spirit isn't inside us for the ride, it's helping us along and we know too far when we get there, it is then up to us to stop.

 

[rwl]

I honestly think it's dependent on the people and where they are in their relationship's with one another, and their relationship with God.

Agreed.

 

[Valencia]

I have decided to set my standards high. I want to live a pure life so I will not kiss a guy until I hear the words 'i now pronounce you man and wife'. It sounds extreme but for someone who has already experience far more than I should have, I want to honour God from now on.

 

[PennylessZ28]

Not proud of my past so let me say I have lived in a pretty big pool of sexual sin.

I got saved not to long ago and I was in a relationship with a Christian girl, still a virgin, pure and all. Me on the other hand...... heh

Anyways, I carried over some of my sin with her and I think it might of harmed our relationship. We are no longer together, and we didn't go to far other than a lot of touching, but it was to much and too far.

I think what you are missing in expressing is that sexual activities can sometimes lead to false feelings of love and itmancy.

I can't spell so bare with me.

Me and Kim were close, but we had some issues, and sometimes it seemed like the only time we were close was when we were making out and exploring.

I'm way more experinced, so it was me leading her. I respected and I really like the virgin part. So hard to find one, and to be honest I didn't want to have sex.

But I still thought everything esle was ok. But truth is it set us both up for a little more hurt. I think it would have been easier for us to seperate if there wasn't a false itmancey there.

I don't know if I'm making sense, but a former fiancee stayed with a guy for 3 years who hit her just becuase she lost her virginity to him and thought she had to....

Its not always love, that feeling you've never had before, its called horomones.

When you get chills just staring at someone, when your heart grows so heavy when you are in there presance, when you can't explain the emontions and when you would give your life, thats love.

I don't know how to explain it.

People should wait. This courting thing is starting to look more appealing to me.

The old ways don't seem to work.

Besides, if your a celabite, stay that way. Sex is dandy peachy, but it will be its best with someone you truely deeply love. I can speak from some experince, not total. Otherwise when its over you have a real big empty spot that kinda sucks.

Frankly I am over sex. And even if me and Kim were to have stayed together and get married as much as we talked about it, I'd feel so guilty for not being able to give myself purely to her.

I dunno who God has in mind for me. But I can speak for guys, sometimes our horomones get wound up tight.

The problem though for women, they will confuse them more with emotions than guys.

Guys are just horny. They will convince themselves they are in love with a girl if she is a great kisser.

Women, well you know how you are.

Did that make any sense to anyone?

 

[Living4Him03]

lol some of it. i just hate making generalizations. i guess my experience has not been that of most women. I don't know. I feel like my hormones get in the way and like you said if the physical intimacy is there it creates a false sense of closeness. so i've thought i was close to a guy before because he was good at things and because we had fund doing them. so i get what you are saying there. not all women are emotional basket cases, i'd like to add. what is so wrong with knowing that physical intimacy SHOULD be linked with emotional intimacy? Guys are the ones who have it backwards and need to grow up, in my opinion. Although, on the other hand, I don't always equate emotions with physical intimacy...i cheated on a boyfriend once because of being well the "h" word. not a good excuse, but i was by no means in love or even close to the guy. now i really sound bad.

 

[PennylessZ28]

lol some of it. i just hate making generalizations. i guess my experience has not been that of most women. I don't know. I feel like my hormones get in the way and like you said if the physical intimacy is there it creates a false sense of closeness. so i've thought i was close to a guy before because he was good at things and because we had fund doing them. so i get what you are saying there. not all women are emotional basket cases, i'd like to add. what is so wrong with knowing that physical intimacy SHOULD be linked with emotional intimacy? Guys are the ones who have it backwards and need to grow up, in my opinion. Although, on the other hand, I don't always equate emotions with physical intimacy...i cheated on a boyfriend once because of being well the "h" word. not a good excuse, but i was by no means in love or even close to the guy. now i really sound bad.

You're not bad, we are all sinners and the reason we are Christians is becuase we are sinners.

 

[Living4Him03]

true, it just feels bad. i never ever thought i'd ever cheat on anyone. it's not in my nature, but boy can satan tempt you and ruin things. anyway, tha'ts probably a whole other thread in itself!