how far is far enough

[ArmyForOne]

I'm looking for some good advice about a dating relationship. In a heterosexual Christian dating relationship, what physical actions are morally appropriate for a couple to enguage in? Or should all physical affection be held at bay until marriage?

 

[Ben johnson]

I enjoy placing my arm around a girl I like, but not on the first date or two. I see nothing wrong with holding hands, if dating for a month or more. As far as kissing goes, it becomes subjective; I see nothing wrong with it, but HEAVY kissing (including "french") is merely "foreplay". Which brings up what I think is a valid "guage" --- whatever arouses you before marriage, is wrong.

RE: continued dating --- within the first 3-4 dates you should have some idea of "compatibility". It is wrong to continue dating someone that you truly feel "incompatible with"; you are risking your heart, and the other's. And yet, there is much value in seeing someone for a year or more, before even CONSIDERING marriage; the foundation of marriage is love, the foundation of love is friendship. Marriage places many DEMANDS on each person; a long courtship frees each to get to know the other with less stress and trouble; marriage that is founded on FRIENDSHIP (that has had time to establish and grow strong), always fares better than "hurried"; in any case, "hurried" demonstrates other priorities than the simple caring of another...

 

[JesseB.]

Too far is when you get into bed. As far as making out and other activities are concerned, if the two of you are OK with it, then go for it. Just be careful.

 

[Teh Wiccan]

I believe that it depends if you want to take a risk or not. I generally don't take risks in this department, but everything before intercourse I believe is fine if you can handle it.

 

[ArmyForOne]

Thanks for the input. I would still like to hear other opinions. Does someone have any biblical references. I'm still a little confused about it all. But I've now decided to save everything for my future wife (whoever she may be). The way I see it, I wouldn't want her to have been involved before with any other guy so why should I have the option to do whatever I want. I see sexual promiscuity as a dead end and I no longer want a part of it. Although I have these desires to please myself and another, I also have a greater desire to please God. It's bugging me. Anyway, thanks again for the input.

 

[psycmajor]

How long have you been a Christian?

 

[Spicy McHaggis]

Sounds to me like you've decided not to go too far, and whether that's the right answer or not, when you're married, you won't be looking back and wondering "should I have done that?" Stick to that and you won't have any nagging doubts to apologize for.

 

[ej]

Trust yourself - do what feels right. If kissing doesn't feel right, don't do it!

If you believe, deep in your heart, that sex before marriage is wrong, I'm sure you will have no problem avoiding such things!

Enjoy!

 

[ZiSunka]

I'm looking for some good advice about a dating relationship. In a heterosexual Christian dating relationship, what physical actions are morally appropriate for a couple to enguage in? Or should all physical affection be held at bay until marriage?

If it involves the removal of clothing that normally covers the private parts, the touching of private parts, or titillation of sexual desires, that is lust and needs to be curbed. Kissing as a sign of affection and love is good, but if it stirs up desires that can't be acted on outside of marriage, it's dangerous and ought not be done.

Let sex have it's place, and that place is within marriage.

 

[DaveKerwin]

Army, definitely avoid sex organs and sexual pleasure. That is way out of line.

Re-read lambslove's post

 

[IslandBreeze]

Or should all physical affection be held at bay until marriage?

I don't think that's a good idea at all. Physical affection (limited physical affection) can help nourish and grow a relationship. Kissing, hugs, and other things like that are good for a marriage. We were created to enjoy physical human touch. I don't think you should deny yourself all affection until marriage. I think it could possibly make the start of a marriage extremely awkward by limiting affection beforehand. Imagine going from doing absolutely nothing--no kissing, hand-holding, etc. until your wedding day, and then imagine EVERYTHING--including sex--in the same day. It could be very overwhelming or even disturbing to you or your bride. Limit yourselves where you think you need to be limited (keep your hands away from places they don't need to be, and keep your clothes on), and enjoy the physical affection that you decide to allow yourselves.

 

[DaveKerwin]

I tend to agree with Cammie on this. However, this needs to be balanced with extreme caution. Physical intimacy even in small, nonsexual amounts, can be dangerous and lead to major sin. Be wise about it.

 

[cutekid 4 Jesus]

I dont agree with cammie on this one,I believe if a couple in honouring God and thier commitment to remain pure by no-kissing etc God will enable them to deal with the entire sexual thing fine.I know people who have homored God in this way and were not bowled over in a negative way on their wedding night. Maybe if their extremely young like 16 or something (and even that would surprise me)but otherwise..Im sure they'll cope. I think relationships can blossom more deeply when u do this... I regret giving away my first kiss..and my second and my third..but i would love it if i hadnt and i could do it all on my wedding night
But thats not necessarily saying that physical affection outside of marriage is wrong-i mean i hug my friends so why wouldnt i hug my fiancee?

 

[desi]

Don't do anything you would be embarrassed to see your parents do in public, until you are married.

 

[esseJ]

I go by the dad rule...if I wouldn't do it in front of my dad then I don't do it...

 

[DaveKerwin]

Don't do anything you would be embarrassed to see your parents do in public, until you are married.

a fantastic suggestion!!

One of my buddies won't kiss until marriage. He knows himself well and he knows that if he kissed, it would be a problem. When he was dating this one girl, he made a pact with his brother that he would do anything WITH HIS BROTHER that he did with his girlfriend. So the thought of rubbing up on his brother made him want to puke, that kinda did the trick. He did have to hold his brother's hand and peck him on the check though... haha

 

[Hewitt]

Also, like Paul said in 2 Timothy, treat young women like sisters. Just remember that next time you are on a date.

 

[YouthPastor]

regardless of if you kiss or hug or even "caress" your wedding night is going to be ackward if you are both virgins or even if only one is. - so that is not a good excuse ot go ahead and do things because otherwise it will be ackward on your wedding night.

Kissing while dating is not going to make sex easier on your wedding night. Sorry.

Holding hands I am ok with - kissing - minor - like you'd kiss a relative. OK.

"feeling" caressing etc... NOPE

 

[Risen Tree]

Hugging is as far as I will go with a girl that I am not married to. Anything beyond that is asking for trouble in one form or another.

 

[Hewitt]

If you can't do it in front of your parents...don't do it.
If you can't do it without a lustful thought...don't do it.
If you can't do it without that little voice inside asking questions...don't do it.
If you can't do it without feeling guilty afterwards...don't do it.
If you can't do it without coming to the Christian Forums and asking if it's okay...don't do it.