How do you stop the pain?

[Doc13]

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[Bryan Lim]

I feel for you. Really, I do. I shot up a prayer for you, man.

 

[songz777]

Hello Brov,
I know how you feel to quote you first: I'm 28 years old now and I have never been on a date in my life (Really, never!). I have never had a girlfriend. And I'm still a virgin (and I will be until I'm married). My life is strange in that I can't just go out looking for a lady friend. I work 14+ hours a day 6 days a week. Then on Sundays, I go to church then go to work till midnight (or until I'm burned out). I'm trying to make ends meet trying to support my parents and myself but we're drowning in debt.

It hurts so much knowing that my greatest dream of all is to have someone yet I'm all alone. Lately, its been getting worse and worse. I feel a fire burning in me and it hurts like nothing has ever hurt before.

Firts of all Im 41 Ive been waiting for 19 years, Ive suffered very much in the heart like you but last year, the terrible continual pain ended ( I will email you what happened and see if you can apply it to your self) First of all what keeps me going is FAITH in Gods promsies, i know Ineed a wife and He ddoes to, but the timing is the issue. Some peopel say "It may not be Gods will" well thats up to you to find, but generally if you have a deep desire for a wife |He will prepare you for her. You see Hezekiah was ill and God said YOU will die! End of the matter! Hezekiah said "Please Lord let me live" God then sais OK, ive changed my mind, you will live 15 yrs more. Dont let any one say to you, you waont get any one! Ask God for a definate assurance that He will supply and then rest and wait us much as you can on HIm. Dont worry about HOW will I meet her???? You will, in His time. Im at home and I only have small church no one my age no friends even neas by its hard but God is in control.
Brov, I do not thnks its Gods will that any one should be working 6 days a week to pay off a debt whether parents or other. Your whole life is being enslaved ..cant you get any help from debt busters or something? I would talk to some mature Christians in your church or on this sight and see what they advise about debts.
Hope this helps a bit JOHN

 

[Chris from TN]

You saw a young lady at church...well, talk to her! Just walk right up to her and ask her if she'd like to go out to lunch or something. Don't fall in love with her. That's a mistake. Try online dating. It sounds like you have some real financial problems you're going to have to work out, too, and I can't help you there; I'm far from being an expert.

I honestly believe that God helps those who helps themselves. God won't dump everything in your lap. If you seek, you will find. Now go seek. I've had a lot of the same problems in my own life that you speak of. I know exactly how you feel. I honestly believe that as long as we have free will, God will allow us to make changes in our life. I'm leaving for church here in a minute, but feel free to PM me. Like I said, I've been there. I'd love to tell you some stories of how I changed (and am still changing) and how my life is getting better.

I'll leave you with this: If you honestly feel that right now you'd be happy with ANY woman, you may not be ready for a woman. There was a time in my life when I would date anybody who would go out with me. Much heartache ensued. Lesson learned: better to not date than to have a bad relationship, other than the growth you take with you when you leave those bad relationships.

 

[2scoops]

"Sometimes I even think the reason I don't have someone is because I'm being punished for the sins of my life."



God forgives sin. If you have repented then God will not hold that against you.

 

[hischildsindik]

Doc13, I do understand. So much I do. For in the boat that I ride, is similar to you. Each day the ache doesn't go away... the burning doesn't cease... and each day I try, I truly try to rest in what God has for me, who God will grant me one day. Pray it be soon, but until then... I understand.

 

[blackpurseninja]

Well no matter how much we pray and continue our intimate relationship with the Lord, we all have a natural need for a mate. Some feel this more than others, and when you work all the time and lead a busy life it can get really lonely - especially as we get older.

If you are so busy, why not try an online Christian dating site? Put up a profile and get to know some people. If anything perhaps you can meet more Christians around the area that know someone that could work with you.

I have found it hard to meet Christian men that I am attracted to, so I haven't limited my search to my area. I would put a profile on and get looking! There are tons out there, and from my understanding eharmony is Christian based...and others such as match.com and such have options to choose your religion. Also, there are other sites out there strictly for Christians.

And goodness if you see someone in your church go up and say hi and introduce yourself. You wouldn’t believe how women can be very shy, and many can be old fashioned and expect you to come up!

Don't get caught up in the loneliness...God knows what you need and how you feel. He cares for you and has someone out there for you. Pray and be patient, and I would sign up for some sites...try and have fun!

 

[Mike312]

I'm 25 and while that's still young, I guess, I've experienced a lot of the pain you described. I sing the song "Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus" a lot and it helps remind me that Jesus is truly all I need. Also, here is a post from a thread I started a few days ago. Maybe it will help you? Here it is if you want to read it:

I wanted to share something that I talked to God about. It was after telling God all this that he finally heard me.

Have any of you prayed for God to take your desire for a relationship away from you until it's time for marriage? Has that prayer worked? For me, it hasn't. That is until I sat down and told God exactly what I thought. I was frustrated with God at the time, but somehow I don't think God was angry with me for my frustration. This is what I wrote:

"...Why can’t I have peace about this? I feel like God is ignoring my prayers to take her out of my mind. Or maybe I simply don’t understand his lordship. Maybe I don’t really know Gods glory, but yet, just a few days ago I was drowning in it. What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I let this go? The very instant I think about her I’m flooded with thoughts that I have lost the very person I have prayed for (I had found out she is talking to someone else). She’s pretty, loves God, is normal, laughs at stuff I say. So am I being selfish? Or maybe rebellious towards God? I feel like I’m sinning because I can’t stop thinking about her. I’m not lusting in any way, she’s just on my mind all the time. I’ve been in this situation before. The girls I’m attracted to are attracted to someone else and the girls that are attracted to me, I’m not attracted too. I’m getting use to rejection and disappointment. I keep telling myself ‘just wait for Gods timing’ and it’s times like these that I feel like I’m starving and God is dangling food in front of me, showing me what appears to be exactly what I want, and then he keeps moving it when I reach for it. I know God doesn’t do that to his children and I can’t believe I would even think he would, but that’s what it feels like sometimes. It's like it's not time for me to be in a relationship, but God is teasing me with Godly girls who I would love to be married too. Lord, I’m really sorry for feeling like that, I know you love me and will not torment like that. Please be patient and forgive me. God, why does it seem like you are not listening to my prayers to get over this girl. I’m so sick of this happening to me. I hate it. If I have such a strong desire for marriage why can’t I start building a relationship with her or whoever it is, now? And if I’m not suppose to marry or if it’s going to be a while down the road, why won’t you take the desire for a relationship from me until that time!?! And honestly, I'm frustrated that my prayers seem ignored. God, really, I hate this happening to me. Please do something. You don’t like when I’m lukewarm with you. I feel like you’re putting me in lukewarm water with relationships . I’m always wanting someone but never finding anyone. The girls I like don‘t like me and vice versa. Why can’t I either find someone or be completely content without any desire for marriage/relationship? I wish it were one or the other. Being here in the middle is driving me crazy. God please hear your servants plea and give me the peace I need right now and some kind of confirmation about this girl whether it be yes or no. And make it clear and let my heart hear you and accept what you tell me. I’m tired of not knowing and I'm tired of being immature about these things.

The same day and just a little time later…

Thank God I am at least able to think and the anxiety and frustrations I had are much, much less. I still keep thinking how awesome she is but I can tell God took the intense longings I had. He has made them more bearable for the moment and I hope it stays that way. He has heard my requests. Why I had to articulate like I did I have no idea. I have always prayed for the same thing, but this time I told God what I was really thinking and let him know exactly how I was feeling. I think in the past I kind of danced around exactly what I wanted to say and how I felt. For some reason I guess God wants us to tell him exactly how we feel whether we are completely happy and content with him or completely frustrated with him. I can see the work God is doing in my life and I am so happy and excited that I am actually growing. It might be slow, I don’t know and don't really care, I'm glad I'm at least growing. He is giving me desire to spend more and more time with him and that's all I need really."

 

[DerekWP]

God loves you man.

I feel for you. I'm only 22 but I feel as if time is running out! HA! I've just recently come to realize that it is in God's hands and He will always have the better goal in mind.

As far as the physical pain, it is hard not being loved anymore by someone close. I'm not sure about the other men on here but my big thing is that, I have so much love to GIVE! but no one to receive. I guess I just now have to turn my love to God first. So much to learn
Derek

 

[blackpurseninja]

By the way guys, the average age for first time brides is 25, and for grooms it's 27.

You all have your life ahead of you. Continue to improve yourself in the meantime!

 

[Něco hrubého oprýskaného 1]

Sorry if I can't feel exactly what you're going through, but I've had friends with similar "problems."

Basically, when you stop constantly thinking about women...you'll get a date.

The problem is most likely behavioral. Learn how to control your emotions. Sometimes, they're like wild horses that need to be tamed. At the same time, you shouldn't change yourself in order to find a woman. Do it for your own peace of mind.

The obsessive thoughts won't stop when you find a soulmate...they'll just latch on to something else.

Another thing: men who lack confidence seem to have trouble attracting women. I can assure you it has nothing to do with your physical appearance...unless you're a complete slob with no money and want to find some virgin with a model's body sealed in plastic wrap in the middle of an enchanted forest. You might want to reevaluate your options and take another look at the REAL women around you.

Yeah, I'd say you have unrealistic ideals or a lack of confidence.

The fact that you started this forum leads me to believe that you find comfort in others feeling pity for you. Personally, I feel angry and insulted when people express pity towards me. Well, I don't think people ever actually do that to me, but if they did...I'd be upset!

Sympathy dates are possible...but rare.