how do you stop before you get too far?

I'ddie4him · Nov 30, 2004

LilRitt04 said:
Set your standards and dont let you guard down. I am not a virgin and I lost it at 15. I regret it. I wish that I could take it back. But I cant and once its gone its gone. The things that you are saying are yes minor things, but you have realized that it leads to more, and you find yourself wanting more. Its a horrible circle that keeps going around. What goes around comes around...What I mean is...if you turn sex down once its going to come back around and the opportunity is going to continue coming up.

Ways around it:
1. Dont allow you and your boyfriend to be alone...
If you allow you and your boyfriend to be alone, you are basically opening the door and allowing yourselves to get intimate.
2. Set boundaries in your relationship
You are 14 and have raging hormones, and I can understand how it is hard to keep them under control. (Been there done that). But the thing that I did after I had to sex to prevent it again, I would say we can make out but as soon as the hands start wondering I am stopping.
3. Put God in the middle of your relationship
Right now I know you are not talking marriage. But you still have to maintain a Godly relationship. Me and my current boyfriend pray together every night. Praying every night strengthens your relationship.

I am not trying to sound like your Mom or whatever. But I have been there and I dont want to see any girl go through what I went through. It is horrible and it takes a L O N G time to get through. God Bless you and your boyfriend...and I hope this helped.

~*JeNn*~

I couldn't have said it any better and any more to the point than this. Very good advice here LilRitt04. I was 13 myself when I lost my innocence. There have been MANY times that I wish I had waited. While we can't go back and change time or events, We can go forward and change the future. We can abide by what we know to be true and pure in God's eyes.

LovingMinistry · Dec 2, 2004

Wow! Yes, that post is very good.

It's strange, some Chrisitans have no idea of what fornication really is. Some simply say that it's not actually penetration (which they then see as adultery) so it's ok. I have found that it is any sexual activity before marriage. Sex is for married people, no matter in what form it is, oral, mutual masturbaton, heavy petting. They all stimulate your, um, lower regions. If you get that feeling you need to know that it's for marriage. I'm sure the Bible states that sex if for married people. Sex was designed for having children and for sustaining the husband/wife's needs.

Remember it's all about respecting the "cleanliness" of your body. It is where the spirit resides. We are told to always do the right thing but we never realise the implication of it all. Memories will always be our ball and chain, our punishment. We can have our sins forgiven and repent, but the past cannot be changed and what was wrong in it wil always be there.

Love to all.

Jeremy

LilRitt04 · Dec 3, 2004

What I said in my previous post it came from my heart and that is what I did to change my relationship with my ex. Its all in how much you want a change and how much you want to admit that what you are doing is wrong, and what you want to do to change it.

HomeChicklet · Dec 3, 2004

Hey all

#1 thanks for all the help

Well this guy and I are no longer together. We are only friends and thats hard enough. Hard to be friends with someone knowing what kind of a jerk they really are. Since we went that far i havent allowed myself any alone time with a guy, Much less have i dated anyone really... i went out with one guy and we just realized that we werent ready for that and now i dont even like him anymore.

As far as all of your advice i took it all... his parents were around its just we went walking to get away from them... and as far as being alone with a guy well i know i cant be trusted alone with one.

I am really struggling with myself now... its harder for me to tell myself i dont need a guy to survive and well i have been doing pretty good at it here lately... i found a friend who is really helping me and things are working out please continue to pray for me and if you have any other advice i am more than willing to listen

Love always in Christ
Mandy

Dexx · Dec 3, 2004

IDS said:
But how do you stop yourself from going too far?
Date publicly.
Avoid being alone.
Group date.
Don't wear a bathing suit.

Theres something else you need to keep in mind. When i was your age, older adults giving advice said things like "dont even kiss or date alone". At the time i thought they were being prudish. Thats because i didnt understand the strength of lust and how hard it is to stop.

You may decide, for yourself, that kissing and light petting are OK before God. That may constitute the limit for you after which you are 'sinning'. However, if a pash session gets to petting, you may be too aroused to stop going further. Thats what the old people mean. If you set your boundary at kissing, you may find it easy to stop. If you set your boundary out at your moral limit, your own hormones would have built up momentum by then and it would be difficult to halt.

Glorianna · Dec 4, 2004

HomeChicklet said:
my bf and I have made out and this past time i lost my top... im not proud of this... he begged to go further and I said no... i want to really i do.. but being raised in church all my life know way better than to... i know by this time me losing my top really put some feelings in me i wasnt ready to deal with.. i catch myself now wishing i had gone further and a part of me wishing i hadnt even gone that far... i dont know what to do .. i feel really really guilty and really really scared.... i dont like the wants i have now and me struggling with masturbation this just adds to things... what do you think i should do.. i enjoy us kissing i enjoy us sharing that but i didnt mean for it to get this far please help me

thanks
mandy

I know just how hard this can be. I'm going through the same thing with my fiance. How do we stop? We're in love anyways and we're going to get married so it's not a big deal right? WRONG! It is a HUGE deal! One of the things that has really helped us is setting boundaries. We have told each other what would tempt us to go beyond our boundaries and will NOT do these things. Pray about it. That's the best way to handle this. God is there to help you honey. I am praying for you.

ascribe2thelord · Dec 5, 2004

HomeChicklet said:
Hey all

#1 thanks for all the help

Well this guy and I are no longer together. We are only friends and thats hard enough. Hard to be friends with someone knowing what kind of a jerk they really are. Since we went that far i havent allowed myself any alone time with a guy, Much less have i dated anyone really... i went out with one guy and we just realized that we werent ready for that and now i dont even like him anymore.

As far as all of your advice i took it all... his parents were around its just we went walking to get away from them... and as far as being alone with a guy well i know i cant be trusted alone with one.

I am really struggling with myself now... its harder for me to tell myself i dont need a guy to survive and well i have been doing pretty good at it here lately... i found a friend who is really helping me and things are working out please continue to pray for me and if you have any other advice i am more than willing to listen

Love always in Christ
Mandy

You're going to be okay

Smile at yourself in the mirror. You can't smile to anyone else unless you're able to do that.

I'm glad to hear you have a friend to help you through this ... that's a problem for me at times. But I will pray for you.

Remember, no matter what emo rock tells you, marriage isn't .5 + .5 = 1 ... it's 1 + 1 = 1. Are you complete in Christ, and in yourself? Ask yourself this. I know I probably still am not.

cwr89 · Dec 6, 2004

well, coming in from a guy's prospective. all of us guys have to face it, we naturally lust. 98% of the day guy's will think of something sexual. for that, sorry? i guess I don't know... but I have been reading on the last 3 pages of this. I am not much older than you, yes, I wish I would be much much much stronger in my walk. so heres my advice. before you even make out, touch, or anything, you can hug and hold hands, but school systems frown on that too, but see, get to know the guy really good, I really like this girl in one of my classes, I've been really getting to know her, I found things like (now this is not a definant thing this is not a set thing at all) if they have a family that isn't broken, (my brother has been dating a girl for 2 years that does, it is not allways the case) but really look into there bacground, like if they are reverant or not, or a different religion. lots of little things, but deffinantly listen to all the people here they know whats going on.

and don't listen to any guy when your making out with them all they want is to go farther. trust me on that, lust is something most guys are taken over by.

you sound like your on the right track.

good luck
~Casey

Glorianna · Dec 7, 2004

ascribe2thelord said:
Remember, no matter what emo rock tells you, marriage isn't .5 + .5 = 1 ... it's 1 + 1 = 1. Are you complete in Christ, and in yourself? Ask yourself this. I know I probably still am not.

That's definitely something that's important to remember.

ascribe2thelord · Dec 9, 2004

cwr89 said:
well, coming in from a guy's prospective. all of us guys have to face it, we naturally lust. 98% of the day guy's will think of something sexual. for that, sorry? i guess I don't know... but I have been reading on the last 3 pages of this. I am not much older than you, yes, I wish I would be much much much stronger in my walk. so heres my advice. before you even make out, touch, or anything, you can hug and hold hands, but school systems frown on that too, but see, get to know the guy really good, I really like this girl in one of my classes, I've been really getting to know her, I found things like (now this is not a definant thing this is not a set thing at all) if they have a family that isn't broken, (my brother has been dating a girl for 2 years that does, it is not allways the case) but really look into there background, like if they are reverant or not, or a different religion. lots of little things, but definately listen to all the people here they know whats going on.

and don't listen to any guy when your making out with them all they want is to go farther. trust me on that, lust is something most guys are taken over by.

you sound like your on the right track.

good luck
~Casey

Whoa, 98% ... I don't remember being that *interested* even when I was 18 which for me (late bloomer) was my 15.

Nevertheless ... Casey I understand where you're coming from on this but if you spend so much time thinking about sex, you need to think about what you're doing to fuel all those thoughts. What television shows are you watching? Some reality shows practically ooze with cleavage. And of course the internet ... I don't think I need to say anything about that. Keep yourself in the Word and maintain a healthy amount of secret prayer time with God.

By the way you may want to consider taking a year off before college. It gives you a while to mature ... and that one year might make the difference. Some people, still as immature and irresponsible as ever, come into college with their lusts and suddenly it's like their dreams have come true. I think the words of an aquaintance of mine, when she was with her "boyfriend" of two or so days, pretty much sum up the effect college has on those who aren't ready for it: "College totally kills your inhibitions."

cwr89 · Dec 10, 2004

well, for tv, I don't watch any, as for the internet, yea, I watch porn, I hate it though,

as for the 98% of the day thing, well, I know that alot of it has to do with my high school. everything there, social rankings, and everything, it all depends on what guy has done the most. or what girl has gone the farthest. I will say 1 thing, aside from the masturbation problem, I am 100% free of having sex, in that respect I am still a vergin, and I don't plan on breaking that until I am married, but the problem with my lust and everything, well, I don't have a girlfriend, and well, I haven't ever had one, it is as if (I hate to use this) no one of the opposite sex loves me, I know thats not true, and I have come to realize that the only one I need to love me is God, and he does. but I mean it like I haven't anyone of the opposite sex to talk to, to really do anything with, (go to the movies, dates or what ever) thats mainly how the porn gets in the way, I have now desided that every time I have the urge to touch, I am going to go and worship or pray, (2 other things I wish I didn't struggle so much with but I won't devert the meaning of this topic)
another problem with my school is, there are some really attractive girls in my classes.
thats basically how I struggle.

~Casey

tech.racer · Dec 14, 2004

College is a haven for fornicators.

When life is going tough, it's easier to give into temptation.

Rules i have committed too. Rules that has kept me in good stead:

Make judgement - ask yourself if they are someone you honestly believe you could enter into marriage with, before you class the relationship as boyfriend/girlfriend.

I don't force into any relationships. Doing so i believe would base the relationship on lust.

Friends first!

Cherub8 · Jan 6, 2005

HomeChicklet said:
my bf and I have made out and this past time i lost my top... im not proud of this... he begged to go further and I said no... i want to really i do.. but being raised in church all my life know way better than to... i know by this time me losing my top really put some feelings in me i wasnt ready to deal with.. i catch myself now wishing i had gone further and a part of me wishing i hadnt even gone that far... i dont know what to do .. i feel really really guilty and really really scared.... i dont like the wants i have now and me struggling with masturbation this just adds to things... what do you think i should do.. i enjoy us kissing i enjoy us sharing that but i didnt mean for it to get this far please help me

thanks
mandy

I would not recommend getting into a situation where that would even be possible. Invite your boyfriend to dinner with your family, go to movies with him AND other friends, anything to prevent the two of you from being alone in a comfortable place where bad things might happen.

As for the other sin, I've struggled with that too. I recommend asking a woman, one mature in the Lord, to hold you accountable in these areas, to spur you on, etc. I'll keep you in my prayers sister. God bless

Swanee · Jan 10, 2005

Pray and Fast over Gods Word to you, remember how Jesus fought temptation by quoting the word of God.

1Cor:10:13: There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.

HomeChicklet said:
well we are borke up now and thats the end of it but i still cant forget these wnats desires and feelings that i have is there anyway you can let them go??

Glorianna · Jan 11, 2005

Cherub8 said:
I would not recommend getting into a situation where that would even be possible. Invite your boyfriend to dinner with your family, go to movies with him AND other friends, anything to prevent the two of you from being alone in a comfortable place where bad things might happen.

This is definitely key.

HomeChicklet · Jan 14, 2005

Thanks everyone

Well I am working past this... slowly but surely... things for me have been a bit busy and rough for me... im definetly reading more than i am posting tho cause i have more time to read than i do to write... thanks for all the advice

love ya in Christ
Mandy

how do you stop before you get too far?

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