How do you overcome shyness?

[zaire]

I hate being shy. I really dont want to be shy anymore. It holds me back so much in life.

Help me!

 

[tapero]

I hate being shy. I really dont want to be shy anymore. It holds me back so much in life.

Help me!

Hi there! One thing that helped me a lot was to look people in the eyes. I didn't used to do that when I was shy, and now I am kind of brave. They used to tell me when I was younger (like in my teens) that I would get over it and maybe that helped me too. Don't be afraid of people if you are, and that will help make you stronger too. God bless.

 

[nowhereville]

If you met me, you would be suurprised to find out that I am horribly shy because I fake it so well. (to the point of severe anxiety in large groups of people).

I come across as very confident and what not.

This week I have taken a step out of my shell. I am deathly tired of hiding who I really am. I may not be like everyone else, but I remain wonderfully and fearfully made and I will no longer be in bondage to hiding that anymore

I think, at least in my experiene, when I am really struggling with that it's because my focus is on me and not God and everything around me. I worry what others will think of me - if they will judge me and find me lacking.

I've changed my foucs to pleasing God period....

I know it is painful and horrible - trust me I do Just try to keep in mind it is really not all about you and you will begin to see shifts in your level of uncomfortableness.....

Wooo Hoooo

Go us shy people

 

[holyorders]

Allow youself to be embarrassed about something in front of people.... you'll see there was nothing to worry about to begin with.

 

[bliz]

Please do not be offended, but I think that a great deal of shyness is really selfishness and self obsession. People who feel shy are thinking about themselves, how others perceive them what others will think of them, how they look, how they sound... etc. It's all about themselves.

I think a way to overcome shyness is to care for others and to put their concrns ahead of your own. You may find a way out of this by starting to serve others.

 

[c1ners]

Please do not be offended, but I think that a great deal of shyness is really selfishness and self obsession. People who feel shy are thinking about themselves, how others perceive them what others will think of them, how they look, how they sound... etc. It's all about themselves.

I think a way to overcome shyness is to care for others and to put their concrns ahead of your own. You may find a way out of this by starting to serve others.

That is so wrong! A shy person thinks about others first constantly! We seem to think that everyone else is better, stronger, prettier, smarter.

When I was a teenager my youth preacher said that very same thing to me. I was rude and selfish and thought that I was too good to talk to other people. You're wrong. Just like he was wrong. Please don't ever tell some one that again. It doesn't make them feel any better about themselves, and it doesn't make them a stronger, less shy person.

I am 41 and I'm still shy to an extent. I've overcome a lot over the years through prayer, and the help of God, but there are times when I feel uncomfortable in a group of people. When you find yourself in that situation start praying to God for strength to get through it. He will help you.

By the way, it's okay to be shy.

 

[original3]

I remember before I went to college, I was so shy, because I had been bullied so much, I couldn't talk to anybody because I was scared about what they would think of me etc but then I just came to thinking, this is me, God didn't create me to be ashamed of who Iam, if these people don't like me then that is their problem to deal with. I know that sounds a horrible, selfish way of thinking but its true. By being ashamed of myself and being shy, I am basically saying I'm really ashamed of what God created.
I really feel for you because I know this is a huge obsticle to get over, but just remember be yourself no matter what because thats how God intended you to be. I hope you re-gain your self confidence soon and God bless you xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[original3]

and yes it is ok to be shy, I am still quite shy but it can hold you back a lot

 

[firestar]

I'm shy, and although it sounds a bit harsh, I agree with what bliz said. When I am anxious and shy around new groups of people, the thoughts going through my head all revolve around me, even though I think they're about "them". What if they don't like me, what if I say something stupid and embarass myself, what would anyone want to talk to someone like me for anyway, I'm not witty enough to carry a conversation, my weaknesses are going to show etc.. etc... I don't do it out of a negative desire to focus on me, generally I want the focus to be off of me, but by me dwelling on my insecurities I'm the one putting the emphasis there!

Anyways, what I've found helpful is to focus on what others are saying and let them do most of the talking initially. Most of the time, people want to talk about themselves anyways! If you are the type of person who is sincerely interested in what others are saying and let them talk to their heart's content, you will find that people open up and regard you as a friend and good listener, and will want to be there for you too. The benefit of that is hearing from the "other guy" that they struggle too, makes us seethat we aren't alone in that. Realizing that everyone has their weak spots has made me a lot less shy about talking to new people and making new friends.

 

[Anti Existance]

You have a mouth in the middle , i suggest you use it.

Think like this 'they have more reason to be afraid of me then i of them'

Also the more you talk the lesser the boundry becomes , so meet a lot of people in real life and just talk casual, if you want to open a conversation begin with a question (it always works) , and then if you talk and the convo seems to go dead , ask another question to bring in a new topic ,blowing new fire into the conversation.

Being shy is silly, they are human just like you and your part of the group just as much as any one else. So throw it into the wind, and go for gold.

 

[bliz]

By the way, it's okay to be shy.

Well, the OP disagrees with you. The OP finds syhness painful and would like to stop being so shy.

I hate being shy. I really dont want to be shy anymore. It holds me back so much in life.[/quote

That is so wrong! A shy person thinks about others first constantly! We seem to think that everyone else is better, stronger, prettier, smarter.

When I was a teenager my youth preacher said that very same thing to me. I was rude and selfish and thought that I was too good to talk to other people. You're wrong. Just like he was wrong. Please don't ever tell some one that again. It doesn't make them feel any better about themselves, and it doesn't make them a stronger, less shy person.

Sorry, I shall continue to express my opinion on the subject, just as I'm sure you will continue to express yours. My comments were not designed to make anyone feel better about themselves; they were intended to help. It is very hard to help people when you don't tell them the truth. And most of the time, the reaction I get is very much like the following post:

I'm shy, and although it sounds a bit harsh, I agree with what bliz said. When I am anxious and shy around new groups of people, the thoughts going through my head all revolve around me, even though I think they're about "them". What if they don't like me, what if I say something stupid and embarass myself, what would anyone want to talk to someone like me for anyway, I'm not witty enough to carry a conversation, my weaknesses are going to show etc.. etc... I don't do it out of a negative desire to focus on me, generally I want the focus to be off of me, but by me dwelling on my insecurities I'm the one putting the emphasis there!

 

[tapero]

I've heard pastors who don't know what they are talking about saying shyness is self centeredness. I hope you got your information from some other teaching. There are all different reasons people are shy, and many are due to extreme fear. Some are due to no social skills at all. Kept away from people. I feel bad that the op has to read a couple of posts that say they speak truth but have no love. Don't mean to stir anything up. Just getting it off my shoulders.

 

[tapero]

 

[UnitynLove]

Fear! Has it ever been a problem for you...holding you back from moving into areas that could enrich your own life and the lives of others? There is a solution.
One of the many benefits available to Christians is freedom from fear. When we avoid making changes or confronting issues in our lives because of fear or dread, we need to remember that God has promised to go before us and bring us through victoriously as we obey Him.
When we are facing a job interview, for example, instead of being afraid that we will make a bad impression and fail to get the position, we need to ask God to prepare the heart and mind of the interviewer and help us to present ourselves in the very best light. When God "prepares the way," we can trust that whatever happens will turn out for our good according to His perfect plan for us.
The Bible tells of a man named Abram who trusted God in spite of his own personal fear. Now... the Lord said to Abram, Go for yourself [for your own advantage] away from your country, from your relatives and your father's house, to the land that I will show you (Genesis 12:1).
How would you feel if God told you to leave your home, your family, and everything that is familiar and comfortable and head out to an unknown destination? Full of fear? That is precisely the challenge Abram faced—and it frightened him. But God's words to him were "Fear not." It is the same message He gave to Joshua when He called him to lead the children of Israel to take the land He had promised to give them as their inheritance (see Joshua 1:6-9). And to all who set out to follow God's plan today, He says, "Fear not."
Elisabeth Elliot, whose husband was killed along with four other missionaries in Ecuador, tells that her life was completely controlled by fear. Every time she started to step out to minister, fear stopped her. Then a friend told her something that set her free. Her friend said, "Why don't you do it afraid?" Elisabeth listened and took that advice. Together with Rachel Saint, the sister of one of the murdered missionaries, they went on to evangelize the Indian tribes of Ecuador, including the very people who had killed their loved ones.
Many times we think we should wait to do something until we are no longer afraid. But if we did that, we would probably accomplish very little for God, for others, or even for ourselves. Both Abram and Joshua had to step out in faith and obedience to God and do what He had commanded them to do—even though they were afraid.
I believe the words fear not simply mean "don't run." So the solution to fear is simple—rather than bowing our knee and giving in to it, we must stand firm against it, knowing that God has gone before us and prepared the way.
That is precisely what God wants us to do. Even if our mouth is dry and our knees are shaking, we need to keep asking God to strengthen us. We need to determine that our lives are not going to be ruled by fear but by the Word of God.
As we saw before in Genesis, God gave Abram a tall order. He said, "Pack up and leave everyone you know and everything you are comfortable with and go to a place I will show you." If Abram had bowed his knee to fear, he never would have fulfilled his destiny to become all God created him to be—the father of many nations.
In the same way, if Joshua had not overcome his fear and been obedient to God's command to lead His people into the Promised Land, they never would have enjoyed all that God had prepared for them. Giving in to fear alters God's best plan for your life. So use the power of God's Word to do what He wants you to do...even if you have to do it afraid! The rewards are great.

 

[onelife]

You could try talking to people who you rarely talk to, maybe at church, uni or work. just ask them how they are, start the conversation maybe, tell them something that you have done recently, it sounds a bit cheesy but give it a go. Another thing you could try is asking people in the street for the time,(but hide ur watch) sounds stupid but it will build your confidence allowing you to approach people you wouldn't normally speak to.
Continue to pray about it too,
Hope all goes well

 

[zaire]

Thanks for all the responces. Some interesting stuff i'll note. God bless you all.

 

[qh93536]

I hate being shy. I really dont want to be shy anymore. It holds me back so much in life.

Help me!

Actually shyness is a Godly attribute. But if you think you are too shy, I have this advice to offer. I believe most shyness is caused by a concern, or even fear, about what other people will think about you, how they will view you. Maybe a fear of rejection plays into it. Self esteem could be part of it also. So, stop concerning yourself with what other people think of, or about you. I believe that you are a wonderful person with a Godly personality. So, accept that as how you are. It doesn't matter what others think, only what God thinks. So, just be yourself. Don't be affraid to share your feelings. If criticism comes, accept it and grow from it if it is justified. Ask God to help you with this, I know that he will.

 

[Theogonia]

Sometimes you just have to say to yourself:

Screw it. And just do whatever it is you're shy about.

 

[Elle_For_Short]

Fear! Has it ever been a problem for you...holding you back from moving into areas that could enrich your own life and the lives of others? There is a solution.
One of the many benefits available to Christians is freedom from fear. When we avoid making changes or confronting issues in our lives because of fear or dread, we need to remember that God has promised to go before us and bring us through victoriously as we obey Him.
When we are facing a job interview, for example, instead of being afraid that we will make a bad impression and fail to get the position, we need to ask God to prepare the heart and mind of the interviewer and help us to present ourselves in the very best light. When God "prepares the way," we can trust that whatever happens will turn out for our good according to His perfect plan for us.
The Bible tells of a man named Abram who trusted God in spite of his own personal fear. Now... the Lord said to Abram, Go for yourself [for your own advantage] away from your country, from your relatives and your father's house, to the land that I will show you (Genesis 12:1).
How would you feel if God told you to leave your home, your family, and everything that is familiar and comfortable and head out to an unknown destination? Full of fear? That is precisely the challenge Abram faced—and it frightened him. But God's words to him were "Fear not." It is the same message He gave to Joshua when He called him to lead the children of Israel to take the land He had promised to give them as their inheritance (see Joshua 1:6-9). And to all who set out to follow God's plan today, He says, "Fear not."
Elisabeth Elliot, whose husband was killed along with four other missionaries in Ecuador, tells that her life was completely controlled by fear. Every time she started to step out to minister, fear stopped her. Then a friend told her something that set her free. Her friend said, "Why don't you do it afraid?" Elisabeth listened and took that advice. Together with Rachel Saint, the sister of one of the murdered missionaries, they went on to evangelize the Indian tribes of Ecuador, including the very people who had killed their loved ones.
Many times we think we should wait to do something until we are no longer afraid. But if we did that, we would probably accomplish very little for God, for others, or even for ourselves. Both Abram and Joshua had to step out in faith and obedience to God and do what He had commanded them to do—even though they were afraid.
I believe the words fear not simply mean "don't run." So the solution to fear is simple—rather than bowing our knee and giving in to it, we must stand firm against it, knowing that God has gone before us and prepared the way.
That is precisely what God wants us to do. Even if our mouth is dry and our knees are shaking, we need to keep asking God to strengthen us. We need to determine that our lives are not going to be ruled by fear but by the Word of God.
As we saw before in Genesis, God gave Abram a tall order. He said, "Pack up and leave everyone you know and everything you are comfortable with and go to a place I will show you." If Abram had bowed his knee to fear, he never would have fulfilled his destiny to become all God created him to be—the father of many nations.
In the same way, if Joshua had not overcome his fear and been obedient to God's command to lead His people into the Promised Land, they never would have enjoyed all that God had prepared for them. Giving in to fear alters God's best plan for your life. So use the power of God's Word to do what He wants you to do...even if you have to do it afraid! The rewards are great.

THANK YOU! THANK YOU! "Even if you have to do it afraid", is something new I am most defintely going to try and use in all the aspects of my life.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I am not really super shy, but when it comes to church and the people at church I do clam up there the most. Its so weird. And yeah I do think "I wonder what they think of me"? and the whole other head games that come with it. So I know how you feel. I am mostly like that when I am in new situations.

 

[CorTortilla]

I am extreamly shy also. I have been all my life. I act normal around my friends but I really sweat constantly when talking to them or at parties, at the mall, the movies, ect. I'm the type of kid that is considered 'normal' as in I get along with the popular kids but don't fit into a specific stereotype. I just sit in the back of the class and don't talk unless a friend is in the class.

My advice is: if you do have friends and family that care about you, then stop worrying about what other people think about you! It won't matter in the long run anyways.

Also, speak up for yourself. When somebody makes fun of you, don't just let them trample all over you while thinking of something to say, or don't let your friends stick up for you while you're turning red and in cold sweats. My friends know that I am shy and are very protective of me. One of my tougher more popular friends shoved somebody into a locker for asking me a trick question that would've embarressed me if I had answered it. One of my girl friends almost beat up a girl for making a comment on how I sound like a gay guy. It is good to let friends have your back, but you don't want others to fight your own fights for you so stick up for yourself.

Your free to PM me sometime, I am 13 and am struggling with social anxiety myself but am way to scared that i will embarress myself if I ask for help...