How do you not get your hopes up?

[Linnis]

My husband and I are in month five of TTC. We arn't on any drugs, we went off the BC the end of march and are hoping to get pregnant with our first child.

My period is 2 days late. I feel normally grumpy but no period. I don't want to get my hopes up, but it's 2 days late even for it's normal 30days instead of 21 because I'm not on the pill.

I keep praying.

Sometimes I feel so jaded when these 15 and 16 year old girls can get pregnant at the drop of a hat and here were are trying to get pregnant.

 

[jazzbird]

Linnis - tell me about it. I have a very difficult time seeing a young girl with a huge pregnant belly. It is not fair. It's not fair at all. Sometimes I even struggle with hating her. I guess that is harsh, but that's the way it is for me.

Have you tested yet? You have a lot more self control than I do if you haven't. I am obsessed about peeing on those stupid sticks. Though, I think when we start trying again, I will be better and wait until I am a couple days late.

If you are late, I suggest getting a test. This is exciting. It might be your month!!

To answer the question in your title. I think getting your hopes up is okay. I know it makes it more difficult when you find that you're not pregnant, but hope is a good thing. It sometimes helps me just to remember that I am exactly where God wants me right now. Even when things get painful, he's placed me in this place for a reason. Your life has purpose Linnis, just where you are. It's good to desire a child. They are a precious blessing. Have confidence that all these things will come to fruition in God's perfect time.

I'll be praying with you that God will give you your hearts desire and place a healthy child inside your womb.

 

[Linnis]

Thank you, Jazz.

No, I have not taken a test, my husband thinks it's just being late because I'm waiting for it not to be there--the watched pot doesn't boil theory.

Linnis - tell me about it. I have a very difficult time seeing a young girl with a huge pregnant belly. It is not fair. It's not fair at all. Sometimes I even struggle with hating her. I guess that is harsh, but that's the way it is for me.

There is this women in the building behind mine, she's got 4 kids, the oldest is 8 maybe nine. She let's them run around until all hours of the night, on Monday her four year old was outside playing until after 11pm! In his boxers no less. The police won't do anything and it's like why do people who don't care have so many and so many loving couples have none?

I know I'm judging her and it's wrong, but it's so hard. I pray about it but every month I think maybe I'll be pregnant only for my hopes to be dashed when my period starts.

 

[CarrieAg93]

I've been right where you are. It took us 2 yrs. to conceive our first child. I had friends who got pregnant and had their children while I was still TTC. Not to mention my 15-yr.-old cousin who had an unplanned pregnancy. That was tough. Hang in there. Looking back I know that if we would have gotten pregnant right away it wouldn't have been a good time. DH was out of town for weeks at a time when the baby would have been due. I let TTC consume me and I wish I hadn't. Just try to relax. If it's any consolation, I am now pregnant with #3. Good luck.

 

[Linnis]

Hmm. I started my period this morning so the wait is over, I kind of expected it though.

 

[CarrieAg93]

I'm sorry. Hang in there. I've heard that the avg. amt. of time it takes to conceive is 6 mos., but I think it generally takes longer with your first. My first took 2 yrs. and my next 2 took 6 mos. My friend has a theory that after your first one your body knows what it's doing and gets it done faster.

 

[Linnis]

This will be my second pregnancy I miscarried in November.

I'm trying to stay positive but some days it's harder than others. My husband is taking me out tomorrow and we're going to spend the day together.

 

[CarrieAg93]

I miscarried before my first son. I cried a lot and when I thought I was finally over it I cried some more.

I don't know if there's anything anyone can tell you to ease your pain. It sounds as though your husband is supportive and there for you. Let him know how you feel as much as possible.

 

[Linnis]

He gets this guilty look on his face, he feels like if he'd have made me clean less or he'd taken out the trash I'd have not lost the baby. It's just weird thinking, I'd be tired and worn out caring for an almost 4 month old...

Pray, pray and then pray some more, right? Not to mention I'm praying for him right now too because he's not at the moment.

 

[marciebaby]

I just joined this conversation to offer my sympathy. I have two gorgeous children who were both concieved by accident when I was barely 20, and now that I'm almost 30 and actually TRYING to get pregnant it just doesn't work. I had a miscarriage less than a month ago and it seems everyone I know is suddenly pregnant or giving birth this month. I'm so jealous of them, and my heart still aches for the baby I lost. I've been really questioning God over this one.

 

[ladybgg]

I am one of those teenagers that got pregnant. It is hard. I ended up placing her for adoption, because I realized there were people out there like you. Fourtunately there are teens out there that know there is someone out there that would die to have children.

I placed her 4 1/2 years ago. I was a 17 year old that was forced to grow up way too fast. I am married and have a daughter now. I lost a baby in May. Now we are TTC again.

My point was, getting pregnant as a teen, can sometimes be a blessing in disguise. There are some brave teens that choose to give thier baby a better life. Please respect that, because it is the hardest thing anyone should ever have to do. My heart still aches to this day.

I will pray for you ladies. Hopefully your month... and mine... is coming soon!!

 

[jazzbird]

Marcie - I am sorry about your miscarriage. I pray for quick emotional and physical healing for you. *hug*

ladybgg - Thank you for that wonderful reminder. After losing three babies, it is much easier for me to feel resentment toward young girls I see with big bellies. I just feel the unfairness of it all and it makes me crazy. But you are right, it is a wonderful gift when a girl will give away her child to someone else. God certainly uses those situations for his glory, and it was very brave of you to make such a gift. I am sorry for your loss as well. That is so hard.

 

[ladybgg]

I don't want to cause any arguments. I am sorry if I offended anyone. I just thought it needed to be pointed out. I totally respect your feelings. I won't say I understand, because I don't. I have lost one, but never had a hard time ttc. Please understand that I said that out of the goodness of my heart.

 

[jazzbird]

I don't want to cause any arguments. I am sorry if I offended anyone. I just thought it needed to be pointed out. I totally respect your feelings. I won't say I understand, because I don't. I have lost one, but never had a hard time ttc. Please understand that I said that out of the goodness of my heart.

Oh, no. I completely appreciate what you had to say. I'm sorry if you felt that I was being negative about it. I wasn't making excuses for myself. I don't think I am entitled to feel negatively toward teenage girls who wind up pregnant just because I've had three miscarriages. I'm just saying that it is something that I deal with. It upsets me to think about all the women in the world who don't deserve to be pregnant - women who can't take care of their babies, who are too young, or drug addicts or whatever - There is just a huge unfairness to it all when women who want nothing more than to have a child and who have a loving home environment to nurture that child, have failed time and again. I know life isn't fair, and I'm not throwing a little pity party or anything. It's just something I am trying to deal with. You are right, adoption is an awesome thing that blesses so many people.