How do you let go?

[Stanfi]

How do you let go of someone who meant something to you that is no longer in your life anymore? When the memory and feelings of loss, cause you so much hurt and frustration that it destroys your quality of life. How do you just drop it and press forward, when everytime you turn around something stimulates your mind and brings them right back. Also when this hurt and frustration causes you to build so many walls that it causes detruction in the relationships with people who are in your life, and those who would like to be in your life?

 

[Stanfi]

.

 

[doofus125]

bro, are u talking about a friend or your wife or someone u were dateing?

 

[Stanfi]

bro, are u talking about a friend or your wife or someone u were dateing?

In this instance, I am referring to someone that I was seeing, not really dating.

 

[ps34_18]

well, there's not really any easy answer to this question. I know for myself I struggled a lot with this issue last year after I became involved with someone briefly during the summer. I regretted many things about that relationship and wanted nothing more than to be able to forget, but for the life of me I couldn't figure out how to do it. For over six months I battled with memories that kept coming up, even after I thought I'd gotten over it. I don't know how long you've been dealing with this, and I know this is a horrid answer, but time really does make a difference. But more than that, I finally went to a retreat that our school put on, and it was there that I realized I had to let go of the whole situation and give it all completely to God. I had to accept His forgiveness for the guilt I felt, and I also had to forgive the guy I'd been involved with for all the hurt he'd caused me. I was literally sitting there bawling my eyes out while another friend prayed for me. I can't say that I didn't have memories again after that, and every once in a while I still get taken back to when we were together, but the hurt is gone. I know it's a trite answer to say to give it to God, but it has honestly made such a huge difference in my life. It was interesting to see how soon after this happened He started bringing people into my life, including a guy who's become a good friend of mine and that if God wills it may someday be more.

A final thing that I know also helped a lot...I found the more I talked about the situation to people the easier it got to deal with it all. Then people can start praying for you and supporting you through it too.

 

[Gift_of_God]

I know exactly what you are talking about and going through. I recently lost someone whom I loved with all my heart after 6 years. She was my best friend, we were going to get married. And in an instance, she had decided not to be with me. I feel like my life has been destroyed, but you know what I realized? I have not lost! Look at what God has given me; God should be my everything. Yes, I loved her dearly, and I still do(after all, we were going to get married). But, I thank God for the times that I had to spend with her. If you want to talk about this, please pm me. God bless you!

 

[Stanfi]

This situation was the hardest from last January until June. Basically because I had so many unanswered question. I finally got some unanswers, and it helped a great deal, plus talking to friends, praying and reading. I did forgive the girl for hurting me. I actually thought it was all behind me, then it all came back a couple of weeks ago in full force. I just wish it could be put to rest and stay three. I think about her ofen, and I keep telling God, that if she is supposed to return to my life, bring her back, if not take the feelings away. However, I never seem to get either request granted. It is definitley a source of discontement in life, and cause a lot of other problems.

I know that from previous experience time does heal, but with me it seems to take a lot of time. Usaully years, not weeks or months.

 

[Gift_of_God]

I am going to pm you with a poem I've come across and it really helped me and is helping me in this situation.

 

[Guilty Jester]

mrstace-I feel you on the slow healing.



Three years ago, I lost my wife to drugs and another man. Albeit slowly, I thought I was headed toward healing. Earlier this year I lost her again...this time to a car accident. It all came back, only stronger. It's been nearly nine months now and I really don't feel any closer to being healed...I've just gotten better at hiding the pain.



While I'm currently not practicing what I've learned, I have been shown that talking with other people and working through the pain certainly help better than keeping it all inside allowing it to turn to bitter, guilty rage.



Good luck to you.



PS Gift - I’d like to see the poem too...it you can spare a copy of it.

 

[Stanfi]

Three years ago, I lost my wife to drugs and another man. Albeit slowly, I thought I was headed toward healing. Earlier this year I lost her again...this time to a car accident. It all came back, only stronger. It's been nearly nine months now and I really don't feel any closer to being healed...I've just gotten better at hiding the pain.


While I'm currently not practicing what I've learned, I have been shown that talking with other people and working through the pain certainly help better than keeping it all inside allowing it to turn to bitter, guilty rage.


Good luck to you.


.

Guilty Jester,

I am truly sorry to hear that you have experience so much. I have have never experience loss on that level, and can only imagine. However, how you have dealt with the negative emotions, I can relate to.

Years ago, I would also hide the pain, and like you became easily aggitated and angry. I was not someone enjoyable to be around, and to be honest, I didn't like being around myself. However once again, I feel myself wanting to bury negative feelings that just won't seem to go away, and I know this is not the thing to do.

I will pray for you also.

 

[TheOriginalWhitehorse]

I went through this too. And I hope the situation is resoved more pleasantly for you than for me. I just had a couple of really bad relationships, and then I realized that no matter how great things look initially, if He closes the door, by all means let Him. All I have to do is think of how much I wanted something in life, and what bitter grief it brought me in the end. Even if you think the other person is a Christian. I just praise Him really loud for shutting the door, especially when I don't feel like it, and then I always get something better in the end. Oh what a bitter pill it can be to get what we want when we don't know what the future holds.

 

[Stanfi]

I've been thinking about this. All my friends tell me that God has someone better for my life. I can accept that I really can. I know that whatever God would give me would make me happier than anything that I could ever put into my life on my own. The thing is that I wish that when God took the person out of my life that he would take the feelings that I have for them too. Seems like that should be the deal. Can't take the person unless you take the feelings.

 

[TheOriginalWhitehorse]

I'm really, really sorry you have to go through this. And I wish I knew what I could say to make it easier. But since I don't, I'll pray to the Lord about it and ask Him to make your burden lighter. I'm sorry. I know it isn't easy.

 

[Stanfi]

I'm really, really sorry you have to go through this. And I wish I knew what I could say to make it easier. But since I don't, I'll pray to the Lord about it and ask Him to make your burden lighter. I'm sorry. I know it isn't easy.

Thanks, I appreciate it.

 

[Knarf188]

mrstace...
first off man i totally sympathize with you ...
you say why couldn't God take away the feelings... well then you really wouldnt grow because you wouldnt know how much it hurt... i think this make sense...
here ismy quick story... My ex... we went out for like 10 months but I knew she was the one... i lost everything to her... meaning physically... this is no excuse... anyways we meshed so well... we went polka dancing for fun.... had root beer fights... just HAD FUN... but what I didnt realize was that we werent right spiritually.... I ended up making her the thing that I lived for.... which is a shame... I regret everything I did with her physically... but other than that I enjoyed the good times... as we were breaking up we both said some mean things... (this looks like its going no where haha =).... and then it was over... i immediately begged her back... twice.. tears streaming... and she didnt want me... the night before this happened we prayed... or i did while she listened... that God would give us the answers... and the next day he did... she broke up with me....and let me tell you
WHAT A BLESSING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
at first i admit it was hard... you know the spheal... i even kried in my dad's arms while he kried with me... what a touching scene huh?? I imagine that is what it was like when Jesus rode into Jerusalem and how he kried for them... or in Psalms David says that when the savior Comes he will wipe away all our tears...
the thing is our God is compassionate....
so the way I koped with it... was I imagined what she did to me... as what i was doing to the Lord.... i put a knife iin his back because i had found something tangible that was better because it satisfied my flesh... and like all tangible items ... they end up not satisfying you and hurting you...
anyways this probably doesnt help looking back at what I previously wrote... but let me tell you something man... God loves you.... he desires to be everything in your life... Paul says that "To live is christ, and to die is gain..." meaning that while he lived on this earth he only wanted to give glory to God... and when he died he would be in eternal bliss with our loving savior..... or think about Jesus in the garden when he was praying... knowing that his time was comng he prayed for all believers that they come to know the Joy that he had in his father.... CAN YOU IMAGINE THAT... I have no idea what this joy is going to be like... but it is worth sucking up my memories of my ex and keep trudging on .... because if Jesus was willing to die for us.. and happily... because he knew that with this we would experience the Joy that he had in the father (whom he already met of course)....
well man i hope this helps... it probably doesnt because it is hard to right down my emotions when you are so filled with what Jesus has done for us.... keep reading his word man.... keep praying to forgive her every day.... and continue to pray for her... that she might know Christ if she doesnt already... and DO NOT FOLLOW HER... this will only lead to more depression... Dude just think of your singleness to establish that walk with Christ.... make him the center of your life.. have them only focused on him... and doing his will... and if he guides someone in your life , which he will probably do, bethankful and move on humbly... but if he doesnt... count it as a blessing for you and your father will be so much closer... and imagine all the more people you kan help come to christ... for that is what we are all called to do.... i will keep you in my prayers man =)... take kare and God Bless

Frank
P.s. and if that didnt cheer u up... which it probably didnt... here is something... what did the fish say when it hit the wall................ DAM... haha get it =)... take kare

 

[cyberwing]

{{{hugs}}} Dear Mr. Stace,
Depending on the situation it will probably take time. In your prayer time with Jesus, tell Him how much you are hurting and ask for His help. He will give it to you. I have weathered many bad storms in my life, REALLY BAD. What I have found is when I turn to Him and offer Him the sacrifice (this is when praise becomes a sacrifice when you really don't FEEL like praising...) This touches His heart. Your faith in Him moves Him.
Another Biblical answer is to do what you have been doing, pray for others who are hurting and reach out to shower God's love on them, there is SO MUCH healing found when we reach out this way to those who suffer as WE are!
In the real world, try to change your routines. Do some different things with friends. Find something you have never done before but thought maybe it might be fun and try it. Be a little adventuresome. Try a gourmet dish you never thought you would try or go horseback riding or attend a symphony or a play....be creative. We tend to be creatures of habit and it sounds like you need to shed some old habits.
Always wanted to write? Join one of the writing groups here on CF, they are a lot of fun and sometimes I find writing a character and helping them through things can be a catharsis for some pain in my own being.
One thing you have Mr. Stace is a lot of people here at CF that love you and care about you. We are your extended family and you are our Brother through our common love of Jesus! If you need someone to chat with, feel free to PM me anytime.
Lastly, {{{BIG HUGS}}} I ask the Lord to bless you my Brother. Jesus touch the pain in my Brothers heart. YOU are the healer of the broken-hearted. YOU said you would bind up all our wounds. My Brother has reached out and given freely of himself to help others, now touch his heart with your healing power! I thank you for Mr. Stace, Lord. For all the unique gifts and talents you have placed in him to benefit The Body of Christ. I thank you for his tender heart and loving nature. Jesus bless him in all areas of his life with abundance.
Amen!
{{{HUGS}}}
~Cyberwing

 

[TheOriginalWhitehorse]

Mr. Stace,
Very good post, as usual, Cyber!
Knarf, I'm impressed with how you turned the situation into something good.

 

[jesus_freak_for_life]

You keep breathing.

And while you're doing that, first and foremost, pray. It is the most healing thing you can do, and will strengthen you in more ways than you can count.

Secondly, try and find closure. Remember that people WILL come and go, but JESUS is forever.

I love you! And if there's anything I can do, feel free to PM me.

 

[momluvsjesus]

I stand in agreement with Cyber, in Jesus' mighty name!
Also I just wanna add that I've found that worship is wonderful medicine for a broken heart. Also, like a previous poster said, take it to Jesus and just let it all out! He is your best friend, so tell him exactly what you're feeling and thinking (the good, the bad, and the ugly). Don't hold anything back...he already knows anyway!
I've found that when I"m hurt about something, I first have to take it to Jesus and tell him all about it. That pain has to ooze out of me, like poison, and then I ask God to just fill me with His love and His peace. I also ask for wisdom about the situation, so that I won't be in the same position twice. It's also very important to repent for anything you've done wrong in the situation. If you're not sure if you've done anything wrong, as the Holy Ghost to reveal it to you. Remember, after every test there's a promotion!
You're becoming more like Christ everyday....

 

[TheOriginalWhitehorse]

Hi, Mr. Stace-just thought I chick in and see how you're feeling.