How do you keep from yelling at your kids?

I know where you are coming from but what you have to do that will help the most and the only thing you can do is pray for God to help you be kind to your son,have patience!I have to do that everyday or else I would loos it with my 9 year old son,he is very hyper and already has a smart mouth but I can tell a BIG change in him since I have been praying over him daily!I will pray for you and God Bless You!
Hang in there it will get better!

I just have to take a really deep breath (or a couple) and count to 10 or 100, whatever it takes....and just ask God to put His hand over my mouth when I feel the urge to yell coming on....

and it works...MOST of the time!!

InspiredHome said:

I have an almost 2 1/2 year old and it seems I'm constantly yelling at him. He doesn't talk yet (had hydrocephalus and brain surgery in Oct. 2003 to correct it)
so we both get really frustrated.

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For me, I find it easy to NOT yell at my little one, its my teenager I have a difficult time with. First, I really believe no one 'deserves' to be yelled at, but with my daughter I think I feel like she's old enough to "_________" (fill in blank) understand, obey, communicate effectively...I dunno. So when she doesnt' meet my expectation, I can get loud.

With my son, I realize that he's still growing and learning and I find it much easier to be tolerant, forgiving, and gentle. I really doubt I have ever yelled at him except the very occassional time I shouted to get his attention. I have taken a MUCH MUCH different approach with raising him than I had with my daughter - to be honest I didn't have "an approach" or a plan or anything with my daughter.

Have you ever looked into or read up on 'gentle mothering'? The first few times I heard about it and read about it I just kinda shook my head and thought it was silly...but I'm a believer in it now.

sara elizabeth said:

For me, the only reason I feel like yelling is when I am being lax in taking the time for true discipline and training ( and quality time )

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This is so true for me too. Self-control is one of the fruits of the Spirit - evidence of God at work in your life. If there's not much self - control, well, it's because I'm not looking to the Spirit and what I know is the right way to behave. For me it's because I'm thinking only about myself and making my kid behave the way I like it. Yelling is a problem for me too.

Cello said:

Have you ever looked into or read up on 'gentle mothering'? The first few times I heard about it and read about it I just kinda shook my head and thought it was silly...but I'm a believer in it now.

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I haven't heard of it, is there a website or is it a book? Thanks!

We aren't supposed to yell? Just kidding! My daughter has my temper and we spend a lot of time praying and counting to ten, twenty, thirty, etc. Sometimes we even make it to 100 but, by then, she is usually, napping.

Pray about it. Ask God for His help with patience in dealing with your son. I know, for myself, this is an ongoing request that I make to God. If you feel your blood really boiling and know that you're about to "explode" the best thing to do is to take a "time out" for yourself FIRST! Go to another room, pray, vent...whatever you need to do; then when you are calm...go back out to your child and deal with whatever the issue is/was. It's not always easy to do; and some children...and sometimes just at certain ages....they can really work away at their parent's patience. But, as parents, it is our responsibility to do our best to approach our children with love, sound discipline and guidance. And to remember...even with our children; that we are to "Treat others as you would want to be treated!"

I used to yell and yell a lot. Rant was more like it. the more I yelled the less notice they took of me so I yelled more. Yelled and was angry.

Then a good friend of mine asked me how I thought they felt about that. And I started to justify why and how I did it. I said they know I love them, and she said and because you love them that make it ok. Then she asked "How do you feel when someone you truely love yells at you with anger" I thought about people who I have loved in the past, being as a child my mother and later my first husband and I thought of feeling frightened and scared and sick. When my husband yelled at me in anger I felt gutted and very distressed. So then she said "Why would your children feel any different?" And I went back to the kids knowing that I love them, and I was sure it wasnt as bad.......and the excuses rolled off my tongue.

A few days later it was still playing on my mind and it was really sinking in how yelling at my kids was really abuse. It was abusing them, and not doing what I wanted it to do anyway. Then I saw a Dr Phil show and it talked about abuse towards children and I really got how yelling at my kids was 'changing who they were'

I saw for the first time, that despite really really never wanting to be like my mother, I had become a carbon copy of her. It had to change.

I no longer yell at my kids, I no longer spack my kids. And while that is a whole different issue, I just cant and wont do it anymore. I dont shame them, I dont bully them, and I dont manipulate them........ All things I did without getting how reallt bad it was. I mean I loved and love them with all my heart, loved them unconditionally. But I had to recognise what my mum did, and see that I was copying what I had learned and it had to stop.

I have also since seen women talk in very quiet tones to their children and seen their kids comply, are obedient and respectfull. Its not HOW you say things to kids, its what you say. I was doing all the HOW badly, and the substance of what I said was ineffective mostly.

You dont want your kids to feel afraid, or insecure, or sick, or gutted, or hurt, or betrayed, confused and conflicted. And these are all the outcomes of yell-parenting. I dont critisize ppl who yell. Coz I did, I was there and I changed.

I tell you what, when you do stop and do it different and the first time you see a mama bawling out her kids, ranting at them you realise how really bad it looks.

Now when I get mad, I suck it up and start thinking at triple speed about what and how I am saying it. if i cant come up with a good response I buy myself time and send them away until I am ready to deal with the problem calmly.

I also have an autistic daughter so I get having an sn child too. How I wish i could roll back the clock and be a better parent to her when she was 3 and 4 and 5 years old. She is 16 now.

All the best - Good for you for realising that yelling is not working and not OK.

Watch Dr Phil, he has taught me heaps.

You are not alone! I used to be a yeller too. Then one day I saw my daughter lift up her arm, as if to protect herself and I'd never given her more than a swat on her diapered bottom. In her fear, she thought getting hit was next. I realized I frightened her. Then the Lord started working in me, asking me how I would feel to have someone I trust completely and love unconditionally, scare me. I started to think about what I looked like from her side. Then I started to think about what it was I was yelling about. It was so stupid. Nothing is THAT important. I mean, you need to get their attention if it's something dangerous. But when you think about why you're usually yelling - they made a mess, they're doing something you've asked them not to do, etc - aren't there better ways to get your point across?

And yelling has a long-lasting effect. It took a while before my daughter stopped reacting to loud noises. Still today, I may use a louder voice to get my son's attention (he's an amazing daredevil who gets himself into dangerous situations daily) and she'll tell me "you scared me mom."

I was raised in a loud home by a yeller. But that doesn't mean that's how I'll raise my kids. I'm still in control of myself. Sometimes, if I'm feeling particularly stressed or tired and something the kids do just sort of hits me the wrong way, I have to stop myself before I react. I usually just walk outside for a minute and pray. Sometimes I'll call a Christian friend to explain and she'll usually laugh at what they've done which really helps me to sort of decompress.

I hope you find a way to reach the Lord in this situation. The next time you find yourself about to yell, really look at your son's face and remember the miracle you have before you. Remember the precious gift the Lord has blessed you with and see if you can't find a better way to get your point across to him.

andiesmama said:

I haven't heard of it, is there a website or is it a book? Thanks!

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Try these:

http://www.gentlemothering.com/topics/gentlediscipline.php


http://www.aolff.org/

This site explains 'grace based discipline' if you can find the linkage, if not let me know

Lemme know what you think.

"She's Gonna Blow" by Julie Ann Barnhill is a good book for this.

Hmmm, bunch of folks against yellin here... kinda surprised myself. Well I don't know how this is gonna come out or how folks are gonna take it but I've found in my life there's a time for yellin an a time for talkin it out. I'm second in line from 7 and I can tell you there was jes a whole bunch of yellin goin on when I was a kid and the like but one thing I've found is a yell from time to time is somewhat helpful.

I come from the farm and well yellin is really a way to let a body know they've either royally screwed sumthin up or to git the heck away from sumthin awful fast. I can see whatchya folks mean by yellin bein a form of abuse and I can agree with ya on it. Though I can see how a yell versus a smack can sometimes be more benifical.

An ever once in a while Sarah an me havta have our yell match jes to make sure our lungs are still workin