How do you give advice w/o sounding judgmental

[savvy]

One of my friends, who is Christian, continues to do things that are really not good for her (drinking, etc). She also says she wishes she had not given up her virginity and that she'd waited until she was married. And yet, she got into a new relationship a couple of weeks ago and already things are happening. When I try to give her advice you usually rolls her eyes and says "Alright MOTHER." So it's hard to be taken seriously...but I really want her to be more careful. She doesn't seem to learn from her mistakes...how are you supposed to offer advice without seeming like you're judging (because we've all done bad things before too)

 

[Sketcher]

Some people just don't listen at all. I've known someone who was like that but worse. No matter what, she kept getting in bad relationships with abusive losers who beat her and got her further into witchcraft. Due to the abuse, she's served at least 1 jail term that I know of, and has had at least 2 miscarraiges. The more you ask/tell her not to cut herself, the more she does it. Myself and many other Christians were trying to reach out to her and really connect her with God, but she liked her sins better.

I haven't dealt with her for 2 years now. I trust that if anyone wants her saved, God does. I believe He will do everything within His will and power to draw her to Himself, and save her. And if she goes to hell, that is His loss first and foremost.

 

[SteadyRock]

Yeah some people don't listen but they are unwise as it says in Proverbs tonnes of times! I think to give someone advice you have to listen for God and let the advice come from Him because His advice is faaar better!

 

[wayfaring man]

Hi savvy , and all ,

Before saying anything , to anyone , pray eanestly that the Lord prepare the way before you , and anoint your effort with His Spirit of Grace and Truth , so that one may have the stumbling blocks of pride and presumption cast out , and that the truth may be spoken in love for the soul , and it's eternal destiny .

Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much. <-----> James 5:16

...Cast ye up, cast ye up, prepare the way, take up the stumblingblock out of the way of my people. <-----> Isaiah 57:14

That we henceforth be no more children, tossed to and fro, and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the sleight of men, and cunning craftiness, whereby they lie in wait to deceive;
But speaking the truth in love, may grow up into him in all things, which is the head, even Christ. <-----> Ephesians 4:14+15

And the Lord make you to increase and abound in love one toward another, and toward all men, even as we do toward you: To the end he may stablish your hearts unblameable in holiness before God, even our Father, at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ with all his saints. <-----> 1st Thessalonians 3:12+13


In Jesus Name ,

Amen .

wm

 

[LynnMcG]

I had a similar situation with my sister in law. She said she was a Christian but she was doing stuff over and over again that wasn't in line with what I thought were her beliefs. Then it occurred to me - so do I! Sin is the same, no matter what! Her sin is the same as my sin but maybe my sin isn't as obvious as hers. Naturally it would be wrong for me to judge or criticize her. So I stopped. And I prayed. If she asks for input, I'll give it - saying something like "well, if I were you..." If she's REALLY doing something unhealthy or morally wrong I will say something like "Are you sure you want to do that?" Just be careful you don't want to put her off. Pray for God to change you and your reaction to her while you're asking Him to help her.

Let those among you who haven't sinned cast the first stone

 

[duh_hikki_zealot]

Say, "As a Christian.... blah, blah, blah..."

or

God said, "_________"

Pray for her.

God bless!

 

[Lizzi4Christ]

We're not to judge, but we are to admonish one another.

Romans 15:14
Now I myself am confident concerning you, my brethren, that you also are full of goodness, filled with all knowledge, able also to admonish one another.

1 Thessalonians 15: 12-13
And we urge you, brethren, to recognize those who labor among you, and are over you in the Lord and admonish you, and to esteem them very highly in love for their work's sake. Be at peace among yourselves.

Colossians 3:16
Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom, teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord.

Admonish: 1 a : to indicate duties or obligations to b : to express warning or disapproval to especially in a gentle, earnest, or solicitous manner

The problem is that too many of us do it in our own power, our own pride.

The first step is to ask God if you're the one to really do it. If you are, what does He want you to tell her? You cannot do it in your own power. If you do, no good will come of it. Are your reasons to really help her, or to make your self look better? Examine your heart! Pray, pray, pray, pray!

 

[savvy]

No, I don't want to "look better." She's my friend and I care about her. I just think if I was doing something that could harm me, I'd hope someone would care enough to point out what was going on. I don't know who else will do it for her; she has very few close friends and doesn't pay heed to her parents. But like you all have said, sometimes people just have to change on their own...but it seems like she wants me to approve of her relationship...I've never met him so I don't even know if I should try to discuss it...but she won't even use birth control...aaaah. I guess I'll pray that God will protect and change her.

 

[Rage4Christ]

Come from a place of unconditional love.
Remember that you, like Christ, loves this person unconditionally.
Then explain how their actions make you feel.
Do not judge, just reflect your feelings. Ie: "When you sleep with your bf -- it makes me feel worried."
Explain what natural consequences you see for your friend jumping into a relationship, when she may not have a positive relationship with Christ.

If she understands the consequences, and freely choses them-- then that is her choice. You can't stop loving people because of their choices. That is their path. But you can let them know that it makes you sad, and that you worry-- but ultimately, you must make them know you want them to be free, and you're not trying to guilt them into being good.

When people are emotionally unsure, they may poor choices. Perhaps your friend is hoping they will find happiness in this relationship. Try to let them know that happiness comes from within, from the Christ like transformation we all must make. Not in a relationship, not from work, not from earthly things.

God will not change her.
God will not protect her.

The change is her responsiblity.
The dangers of reality we are stuck with, God doesn't play favorites. God is wise, and has created this world with consequences. He won't change anything.
This is her choice, her test. You can help, but only by listening, understanding and reflecting your feelings.

 

[Mr.Cheese]

Sometimes you have to bring down the hammer.
I'm not very good at that.
Also know that her behavior is her choice. She will learn from her mistakes or she won't. You can't do anything about that.

FOr some reason she feels she needs this attention from males.

 

[Los]

Be her friend and give her a piece of your mind. Its not a matter of being judgemental but rather, being honest with yourself and your friend. God is the true bringer of judgement; we should only try and guide people to where they ought to be.