How do you get an unbeliever to believe?

[christ_in_me]

Hey everyone,

My boyfriend and I have been going together for almost three years. He was raised in the church but went through a time in his life where he saw some of the most important people in his life who were Christians, suffer. His mother who is still sick, one of his best friends who has been in a coma for 3 years, and his grandmother who suffered a long time as she slowly and painfully died. These situations have caused him to doubt that there is a God and raised a lot of questions in his heart about God. We used to talk a lot about it and he'd go in and out of believing.

The biggest issue for him is the fact that if you don't believe in God you go to hell. He says its not fair that God would just create people, give them free will, then say if you don't choose to follow me you're going to hell. So a lot of the times when he does lean towards believing, he say's it's due to fear of going to hell.

Another problem he has is, "how do you know which religion is the right one?" In cases like this I feel it's pointless to quote the bible to him because he sometimes doubts that the bible is even valid.

He's starting to understand that people are going to suffer no matter what whether they are good or bad, that's just how life goes so I don't think that's an issue for him anymore. He says that he wants to believe in God and he wants to do it wholeheartedly. HE won't just give 10, 20 or even 90% of himself but he can't help the unanswered questions in his mind he knows he'll never have answers for (this is another BIG issue for him).

I try to lead by example but I wish I could do more. When he comes over and I'm worshiping at home or playing Christian music, or when we go to church, he says he feels guilty. What could that mean? Is God already working in his heart? Is the devil? I know that God will answer my prayers but I'm wondering there is anything else I could say to him to help him in this long process. I sometimes read books on creation vs evolution that lead towards creation to give him some outside support on there being a God because he's big into science. He'll believe anything that has evidence to it and feels that there isn't evidence of God and therefore has a big problem believing in him even though he really wants to.
I can go on and on but I'll stop here.

Please keep us in prayer we are truly in love and he is such a great guy. I know that if God were to change his heart he would do wonderful things for Christ, I can see it! Please if you have any advice at all, or words of encouragement please share it I'm desperate! Thank you and God Bless.

 

[Jedi christian]

I know this maybe kinda hard, but just let him go through it. I'm sure in the end it'll come out ok. But if you want some different advice than that, then here it is:
Sit down and discuss it with him. Explain to him that the reason God gave man a choice between Heaven and Hell is because Adam and Eve dissobeyed him. This made man understand the difference between good and evil, which gave us our consience. And explain to him that Jesus (or God in the flesh) died for us so that we could not have sin. And by accepting Jesus christ as our savior, and accepting salvation, we are free from our sin! And God didn't just say "if you don't believe in me, go to hell!" He wants for us to go to heaven, but he doesn't want the people that don't want to go to heaven to go to heaven. Do you understand?
I hope I helped you.
Jedi_Christian

 

[Lyle]

The simpe truth is that you can't change him yourself, only God can change the heart... Do your part and God will meet you there.. Pray in faith, nothing wavering

 

[christ_in_me]

Thank you both so much. Jedi christian you're wise for your age . I haven't thought about telling him in that way. I just wish I would have thought of it when the conversation came up before but I'll pray for God to give me another oppurtunity to bring it up. Thanks again so much and may God continue to bless you.

 

[pressingon]

The biggest issue for him is the fact that if you don't believe in God you go to hell. He says its not fair that God would just create people, give them free will, then say if you don't choose to follow me you're going to hell. So a lot of the times when he does lean towards believing, he say's it's due to fear of going to hell.

I heard a great example along that line of thinking today in a sermon today, about why God gave us free will (it doesn't touch the "fairness" part, but is a great explanation of why we have free will)....

As I'm not the original speaker, I've gotta give background first.... This pastor was speaking to someone about this topic, someone who just didn't understand why God would give us the ability to reject Him... why God didn't just create us all "programmed" to accept Him.

Anyway, as the pastor was speaking to this individual, he noticed his young son getting ready to leave church (he was apparently spending the night with a friend). He excused himself temporarily from the conversation, and told his young son, "Come here and give me a hug before you go!" His son responded immediately, tearing off across the room at full speed, leaping into his dad's arms and giving him the biggest hug you'd ever seen. They exchanged goodbyes, and the pastor turned back to the questioning individual.

"I think we've just been given a good lesson about the topic we're discussing," the pastor said. The individual replied, "How so?"

"Pretend for a moment that my son didn't just come running across the room, but instead rolled his eyes and mouthed off to me about not wanting to. Imagine that I corrected him sternly, and forced him to come to me before he left... 'You WILL come give me a hug... and you'll do it like you mean it!'"

The pastor continued, "See the difference?" "What kind of love would we really have for God without free will? It wouldn't be genuine, just as the begrudging hug wouldn't have been."

Maybe that can help to explain things to your friend, if he has questions about the "whys" of free will....

Also, although it's healthy and good for you to care about your friend's salvation, never forget that it's not US that gets people saved. We're just the messengers, but the Holy Spirit convicts them so that they'll respond in faith to Jesus so that HE can save them.

God bless.....

 

[dasielady]

For your friend who wonders if the Bible is even real.... I recommend the book called "The Case for Christ" by Lee Strobel.

Mr. Strobel was a reporter for a Chicago news paper when his wife became a Christian. He was an athiest. He decided that he would research Christianity and prove his wife wrong and they could get back to a "normal" life. He went on this journey to explore thr origins of the Bible, and whether or not there is scientific, or historical evidence for Jesus being the son of God. And you know what???!!! He could not find a way to prove her wrong. So he ended up becoming a Christian and writing this book about what he learned.

I highly recommend it for ANY person, believer or otherwise, who would like to question the origins of the Bible, and whether Jesus really rose from the tomb, Because this is the book that finally got me to invite Christ into my life!

 

[seangoh]

hi christ_in_me, after reading that mail i sense that your boyfriend has alot of potential when he becomes a christian.
You mentioned that his biggest hurdle is the problem of God throwing people to hell. Now, what i'm going to say may not be what you've heard before but here's my understanding of the whole hell issue. I do not know what you mean by God throwing people to hell. Here are 2 meanings:

1)Let's say you mean that God throws all who don't accept Christ to die eternally. (That means as opposed to eternal life where you live eternally, you have the opposite which is eternal death where you die eternally) Yes, it is hard to accept this fact on the surface. However, we must know that God wants us to know Him and His character as much as possible. This is one of the major ways that people grow to love Him more and accept Him. So the character of God which is at stake is His fairness. God is fair is one of the 2 defining traits about Him that i came up with (the other is God is love). With this fact, it becomes much more easier to understand and accept situations. The best analogy would be a parent-child relationship. The parent is "all-seeing" and wants the best for the child who is currently ignorant and too young to understand(like all of us as we don't know everything and can't see the future). So let's say the child wants to play with water. The water is very cold and the parent knowing this will tell the child not to do so. However, the child is persistent and the parent keeps saying no. Ultimately, if the child is persistent until the end, the parent may want to allow the child to go ahead and let him learn for himself by dipping into the cold water or whatever. So this is the same with how God may treat us because He always gives us warnings before we finally decide to disobey and bad things happen because of our own decisions. The other scenario is when someone dies unexpectedly. No one on earth knows what the deceased has been thinking or has experienced all her life - only God does. And only God, being fair, would ensure that that individual will get to know Him through sufficient opportunities. Because when the judgement day comes and the books are opened, we will be checking the books on whether God was indeed fair. If God sat down there and waited for that individual to come to church to know Him, then it's a black mark on His character. Instead, He goes out to meet the people where they are and tries in many ways for them to get back to Him. What ways he uses, we don't know, but He has millions of ideas up his sleeve. So when a loved one dies, we can be assured that God is fair because not only has He done His best to get the individual back to Him, but also He sees the heart. I personally believe that heaven would not only be consisting of individuals who know Christ but also individuals who have manifested love in a very real way in their life. For example, in biblical times, Paul was preaching to ppl who were worshipping an unknown God. Here's one quote that makes sense to me.

"Even among the heathen are those who have cherished the spirit of kindness; before the words of life had fallen upon their ears, they have befriended the missionaries, even ministering to them at the peril of their own lives. Among the heathen are those who worship God ignorantly, those to whom the light is never brought by human instrumentality, yet they will not perish. Though ignorant of the written law of God, they have heard His voice speaking to them in nature, and have done the things that the law required. Their works are evidence that the Holy Spirit has touched their hearts, and they are recognized as the children of God." Desire of Ages, p 638

2) Alright the second meaning is that God will throw ppl to hell for eternity and they will burn and burn and burn forever. If this is what you and your bf thinks, then your bf is right that if God is like that, i would encourage him not to worship this god as i would do likewise. We are to use prayer, bible-study and logic to find out the truth of what God says. I think you should take one step back and examine what you really believe about God. This belief affects God's character. That is the reason why your bf couldn't accept God as being like that, it's just not logical.(and if you study, it's not biblical too) Satan from the beginning of his transgression has made it a point to present to others that God is "not like that". Satan wants to tell the world the "other picture of God" and he wants to hide the true character of God, of which God desires to reveal to all people. Do take one step back to re-examine this belief.

Well, that's all i wanted to say.

 

[christ_in_me]

<pressingon> That was a beautiful story and a beautiful description of God's love and his reason for giving us free will, I will be sure to share this with my boyfriend thank you.

<dasielady> I myself began reading the book "A Case for A Creator" by Lee Strobel. I started reading it so that I can share what I've read with my boyfriend because he's not much of a reader. It's very encouraging however to know that this is how you became a Christian (congradualations on that by the way! ) . Maybe this book will answer some of his questions.

<seangoh> I loved the quote from "Desire of Ages" because I think it answers one of his questions on which religion is right. It's important to know that if someone is truly seeking God they will find him. Do you know if there is any proof of that in the bible as well?

 

[fieldmouse3]

Your boyfriend has gotta make these decisions for himself...the best you can do it pray for him, and be there when he has questions or wants to talk about this stuff. God will get through to him somehow.

 

[TheMainException]

Be the abassador for Chirst...act as Christ would have...this is hard, so don't get frustrated if it doesn't just "happen..." it may not. Pray over yourself and your boyfriend that you would be able to be an example of Christ's love and that he would be open to see that you love because Christ loves you. You don't have to necessarily smother him with "God-talk" simply "be Christ." You can do it...I have faith that through Christ you will be able to complete this task at hand.

 

[fishstix]

Also, you could get the book "A Case for Faith" by Lee Strobel and lend it to your friend to read. It discusses a few of the issues you mentioned including suffering and people going to Hell. It should be especially thought provoking for someone who enjoys thinking about issues.