How do you fill the gaps in your life?

[Lemmiwinks]

I use porn and I go to strip clubs. When I try to stop, I get so BORED and I can't think of anything to do to occupy my time, so I go back to porn and strip clubs. It is hard to find enjoyment in regular activities, they bore me. Church bores me, playing my guitar bores me, going for walks bores me, being with people bores me. The only thing that doesn't bore me is sex, so i feel that my chances of giving it up are very small.

So my question to anyone here who has achieved sexual purity, what activities did you find to replace the sinful activities? How did you cope with the boredom of removing sex from your life?

 

[I'ddie4him2]

You've made a very important first step in admitting you have a problem.

Are there any activities you do enjoy ??
Baseball ??
Basketball ??
Working on cars ??
Skateboarding ??

Maybe try to find a new hobby you think you would find interesting and use that to take your mind off your other desires ??

Sometimes occupying your mind with other more wholesome thoughts can help you fight the urges and desires thereby helping you overcome them.

 

[faithful follower]

I have found we can be addicted to intensity!! Whether it is achieved from sex, drugs, alcohol, drama doesn't matter. The intensity is what we crave!!! I had to pray and consciously decide that intensity is unhealthy. There are intense moments in life that ARE healthy for sure, but our day-to-day existence is more often than not on an even keel.

Achieving the intense feelings can drive us to all kinds of unhealthy behaviors.

I choose to be healthy today (as much as I can) and part of that is being thankful for a life free from intensity.

I am praying for you!

 

[UnitynLove]

Check out this quote

When you are struggling with problems/troubles you need to get your eyes off of your weakness/habit and get your mind on God. The bible says: "Walk in the spirit and you will not fulfill the lust of the flesh." What does that mean: Read the bible more, listen to good music, praising and worshipping God, less time worrying, less time trying to figure out your problems, less time struggling, less time being afraid that if you don't overcome this God will reject you and more time just Hanging on the vine. Guess what? God will give you the strength to overcome that weakness and that flaw. If you are struggling with something you don't need to put more effort in it you need to spend more time with God, you don't need to call up four friends ask them what to do you need to spend more time with God. - Joyce Meyer

 

[Bellicus]

The advice the bible gives to those that are "burning with lusts" is to get married. Nothing wrong with wanting sex, but I guess that porn or strip clubs are something that don't really feels right for you since you express worries about it.

And life really feels boring sometimes. And I agree that stuff like sex is something that seem to break up the dull life. I've had problems with drugs earlier in my life, and alcohol these days, and I really got the same problem as you, that I need something, a kind of kick, cause just the normal life is not enough.

It probably sound like a cliche, but I think that the only thing that can fill the gap in the life is God. I've tried most kinds of drugs, but honestly nothing of it can compare to what I've had when I've felt really close to God. It is really the biggest kick ever. Not sure why I don't seek Him more though, I guess it is the truth in the bible that "the world loved the darkness more". As long as we live on this earth there will always be a kind of conflict between our flesh that wants things of this world, and our mind that wants something better, something that is above the life of animals that know nothing else.

It is emptiness, cause we can see that it is just a circle, where we never get satisfied by what the world have to offer, and never stop wanting it either, cause it is like you said, a kind of filling in the gap. Just living isn't enough, ecstasy is better, to be filled by a deep pleasure. But there is nothing in life that can give a lasting pleasure, so the hunt for the pleasure gets into a curse.

Music was mentioned by the philosopher Schopenhauer as something that could lift the spirit above the emptiness, and to make us in touch with something above ourselves.

And I mentioned God, as something above ourselves, and deeper then what the world have to offer.

Other then that I don't know. I'm in the same boat as you, feeling quite unsatisfied with this life.

 

[Criada]

I use porn and I go to strip clubs. When I try to stop, I get so BORED and I can't think of anything to do to occupy my time, so I go back to porn and strip clubs. It is hard to find enjoyment in regular activities, they bore me. Church bores me, playing my guitar bores me, going for walks bores me, being with people bores me. The only thing that doesn't bore me is sex, so i feel that my chances of giving it up are very small.

So my question to anyone here who has achieved sexual purity, what activities did you find to replace the sinful activities? How did you cope with the boredom of removing sex from your life?

Well, can't say I'm there yet, but... have you tried doing something to help others. Voluntary work, I'm sure there is a lot around.
When we focus on others rather than on ourselves, it distracts our minds from self-gratification.

Praying for you, brother.

 

[True_Blue]

You need a support group and male friends who know your struggles. I'm meeting such a man in a half hour. Spend your time with them.

 

[Lemmiwinks]

I posted another thread on Motivations but I guess it is still being moderated or something because I don't see it.

My followup question is about motivations.

For anyone here who has decided to work on being chaste, what were your motivations? Doing it for God? Doing it for yourself? Doing it for someone else? A combination?

I love my sins, which is why i cling to them, but I think I need to learn to hate my sins if I am to be free. I have to keep in mind all the wasted time and money that my sins have cost me. I have to think about how much more energy and time and mental freedom I'd have if I could get rid of these sins.

It is the feeling of boredom that usually derails me at that point.

 

[whiteflower]

Try this,
instead of making it all a punishment to you and boring,
you need to make it fun!
This is what Iv learned, theirs like chores I didnt like to do and I didnt like to exersize much, but Iv learned to make them fun.

Your bored with church maybe because you need to find a different one?Is it too quiet?The thing that works for me is I chose penecostal because its more lively , but the other types bore me, no offense, but I go to sleep, if you recieve the spirit, its like getting drunk, really you wont be bored.

You might be bored with your walks because your going about it the wrong way, maybe you dont like looking at the houses or something, try going for a walk under the stars early evening , or t riverside, take a best friend that makes you laugh, bring a walkmen and jam your favorite music, bring a favorite drink.

Playing guitar bores you? You need inspiration, go to a concert or maybe find music that makes you want to play,or pick up somethingelse.


As for sex porn and strip clubs, theirs still exciting things you can do that are innocent, if you get a gf and fall in love , enjoy the temptation and keep it strong by not touching her till marriage?

 

[John-Phillip]

It is hard to find enjoyment in regular activities, they bore me. Church bores me, playing my guitar bores me, going for walks bores me, being with people bores me. The only thing that doesn't bore me is sex, so i feel that my chances of giving it up are very small.

So my question to anyone here who has achieved sexual purity, what activities did you find to replace the sinful activities? How did you cope with the boredom of removing sex from your life?

I haven't achieved purity....it is and always will be a struggle. But I have done some interesting things in life and met interesting people and lived in interesting places (I am 44)......I think that the idea that life should be boring is fundamentally wrong. You sound young -sorry if thats not right....but there is a whole world out there you know. Why settle for being bored or just escaping into sexual fantasies....You don't mention if you are studying or working or unemployed?? Have you considerd starting a business? or a band maybe?? .........Is there some specialist activity that you might like to do professionally? have you ever ventured outside of the USA? Would you consider becoming a volunteer somewhere for a year or something. Sitting around getting being bored and more addicted to sex is no way to live! The scarey thing is what about in 10 or 15 years time...will you be unhealthy, lonely and full of regrets???

Editing...I hope the above didn't come across as too much of a 'worldy' solution!? When I became a Christian (1986, age 21) the guy who had converted me prayed and I was intruiged that he referred to the Christian life as an adventure. I think that this is indeed true (though of course it doesn't always go how you expect).