How Do You Feel About This?

bèlla · Dec 29, 2019

I don’t know what true Christian implies. But I don’t find overly religious people attractive. I prefer someone with a relaxed temperament who loves the Lord and lives that out. I’m not looking for perfection.

Most of the qualities that appeal to me have little relation to faith; though that’s definitely an influence. Personality is a big deal. So is social comfort and manners. Good communication and a zest for life matters. As does adaptability.

The biggest concern for me is mindset. I’m not a worrier or fretful. My norm is upbeat and positive. And I really need the same. I like Tony Roberts types who see the upside of challenges and disappointments.

I’m not interested in the person who wants to prove themselves or their faith to others. I prefer someone who embraces their imperfection, is a great friend and companion, and knows sanctification is a process.

~Bella

ThisIsMe123 · Dec 29, 2019

HisGraceAbounds said:
It's sad that the divorce rates among Christians are at the same levels as those for secular people, and I think it shows that there has been a fundamental shift in values over the last couple of generations. Relationships today are disposable for a LOT of people. Unhappy, don't try to work it out - just get a new partner, problem solved! Ungratified? Have some sex on the side - everybody does it and it's no big deal!

I know a whole lot of people who to this day operate on the 'sow your wild oats on Saturday night, then go to church on Sunday morning praying for a crop failure'

Friend of mine, who came from a strong Christian background, got pregnant in high school, got married to said father and was with husband for about 10 years. (Claimed getting pregnant as a teen was the best thing that happened to her).

From age 20 to 30, they both became completely different people. They didn't divorce because of infidelity, physical abuse, substance abuse, alcoholism, they simply grew apart as they became two different people a decade later.

Here's a good read on her testimonial on why she'll NEVER marry again:

Why I'm Not Marriage Material

ThisIsMe123 · Dec 30, 2019

HisGraceAbounds said:
It's sad that the divorce rates among Christians are at the same levels as those for secular people, and I think it shows that there has been a fundamental shift in values over the last couple of generations. Relationships today are disposable for a LOT of people. Unhappy, don't try to work it out - just get a new partner, problem solved! Ungratified? Have some sex on the side - everybody does it and it's no big deal!

I know a whole lot of people who to this day operate on the 'sow your wild oats on Saturday night, then go to church on Sunday morning praying for a crop failure'

Yes, it is sad that Christians divorce at pretty much the same rate as secular people. In the olden days, if a Christian divorced, they were shamed for it or if not that, would be the talk of the town. Divorce in say, the 1940s and 50s ...and earlier, was NOT an option. It's something a woman would never do. (Since it is women that are typically initiating the divorces these days).

bèlla · Dec 30, 2019

ThisIsMe123 said:
From age 20 to 30, they both became completely different people.

I think it’s best to marry when you understand yourself and enter the union with realistic expectations and grasp the responsibilities you’re taking on. Most 20-year-olds aren’t there.

You need a period of independence with financial stability. It gives a clearer picture of your autonomy and struggles. You’ll know what you’re giving up and the ideal companion who complements your person.

I believe that knowledge contributes to the increasing numbers who forgo marriage and family. They understand what they’re taking on and realize it’s not for them.

~Bella

Simon/Rock · Dec 30, 2019

ThisIsMe123 said:
Yes, it is sad that Christians divorce at pretty much the same rate as secular people. In the olden days, if a Christian divorced, they were shamed for it or if not that, would be the talk of the town. Divorce in say, the 1940s and 50s ...and earlier, was NOT an option. It's something a woman would never do. (Since it is women that are typically initiating the divorces these days).

I find it Ironic, back when America was more Conservative, and it would be the talk of the town, or people would be shamed for it that less people would get a divorce. Every aspect in life has its good and its bad sides in life. Being shamed and the talk of the town was bad, but ultimately there was more good that came from it. The good of less divorce, and families staying together.

But now, in today's society, nobody is ever held accountable for their actions, most of the time. It's cool to cheat. Weather it's homosexuality, rape, murder, it seems like the Progressive Socialist Politicians are fine with anyone and everyone(no matter what your morals are). Just as long as they get your vote. That's all they care about. They think murdering of an innocent baby is fine, even though everyone that believes in Christ, should know that their body is the temple of God. Therefore abortion is defying God. They think that homosexuality isn't a sin, and is perfectly fine. If God wanted gay people to be together he would of made it so that gay people could get each other pregnant, but he didn't. Because if every one were to turn gay tomorrow, the human race would cease to exist. I guess unless we're just suppose to all be made out of petri dishes?

Liberals allow rapists and murderers in Prison to vote. Not in all states, but in several of their Liberal controlled states. Democrat Politicians are willing to sell any one, and everyone out, just as long as they win. That is why their base has left them. It is also why Democrat Politicians have to spend so much more money on their campaigns to try and beat the Republicans(because of their low morality.). "money is the root of all evil.". They will easily sell one group of their voters out, if it means a lot more votes for another group of people. Their Politicians stand for nothing but Communism ultimately, and ultimately most of their voters don't want that for America.

Without Standards and Morality within this country, it will be consumed by thee Devil, and swallowed up within itself. Day will become night, and there will be no more light. Keep that in mind when voting for Democrats or Republicans, and for Trump, or whomever wins thee Democrat nomination.

bèlla · Dec 30, 2019

Politics isn’t responsible for America’s demise. It’s human choice. Scapegoating religion, morality, or politics doesn’t alter the truth.

The bottom line is choosing your will and comfort over something else. That dilemma faces everyone and most aren’t sacrificial by nature. As dependency waned, autonomy grew and communities lost their position.

Amish and Mennonite communities provide good examples of the utopia some seek and the machinations in place to keep it afloat. Few join the orders for that reason. The idea is more appealing than its reality.

No one needs to bemoan the times. Alternatives exist if you’re willing to forgo the spoils for unity and the brethren. You have a choice.

~Bella

Niels · Dec 30, 2019

HisGraceAbounds said:
If I were to get off the bench in my mid forties and try dating again, I can only imagine the difficulties I would have. I never tried dating Christian women. I'm not 'christian enough' for most Christians. I'm not 'man enough' for most women to even bother looking in my direction. The ones that would are the ones so desperate that they are just seeing me as an option until something better comes along.

I think (and this is my opinion), that everyone is way too judgmental about way too much. This tends to offend people who don't like that label, but yes, you too. Me too. Especially me, but you too. I've found a great many Christians to be the most judgmental people I've ever encountered. Enough so that even if I were to consider dating at some point in the future, Christian women would be way down on my list of possibilities to find a mate.

I'm still holding out for a woman who is also a Christian, but ironically I'm not particularly interested in dating "Christian women" either. Lack of faith may be a deal-breaker, in terms of day to day values being too dissimilar to sustain a relationship, but Christianity in and of itself isn't a deal-maker. I too feel uneasy around judgmental people. Christian or otherwise. Critical folks will eventually turn their criticism toward you. Guaranteed. Just give it time. My values may help determine my personal choices, but I find no joy in criticizing others. And if I'm critical, that's something I need to work on. Not celebrate.

I'd rather see faith lived, or at least earnestly attempted in a personally meaningful way, than be told. Kind of like how I tend to enjoy bands that happen to have Christian members more than "Christian bands", if that makes sense. Not that I rigidly define things along those lines, or see one as necessarily more "correct" than the other (people approach life differently), but I am more comfortable with one than the other.

bèlla · Dec 31, 2019

Miles said:
I'm still holding out for a woman who is also a Christian, but ironically I'm not particularly interested in dating "Christian women" either.

You’re not alone in that. I feel the same and struggled to find the words that articulated my feelings. Like you, I value faith and a relationship with God. I’m more relational than religious.

I don’t enjoy being around people who stifle the human spirit or promote conformity to themselves. It’s unhealthy. Judgment and criticism are manifestations of ‘my way’, not God’s.

I prefer to see and aid authentic development that utilizes what we’re given. That isn’t cloning. It’s an honest expression of who you are and what you’re becoming through Him.

I don’t have a label for it. Maybe faith-in-action. That’s where I am today and I’m meeting kindred spirits. It’s a refreshing change.

~Bella

ThisIsMe123 · Dec 31, 2019

Miles said:
I'm still holding out for a woman who is also a Christian, but ironically I'm not particularly interested in dating "Christian women" either. Lack of faith may be a deal-breaker, in terms of day to day values being too dissimilar to sustain a relationship, but Christianity in and of itself isn't a deal-maker. I too feel uneasy around judgmental people. Christian or otherwise. Critical folks will eventually turn their criticism toward you. Guaranteed. Just give it time. My values may help determine my personal choices, but I find no joy in criticizing others. And if I'm critical, that's something I need to work on. Not celebrate.

I'd rather see faith lived, or at least earnestly attempted in a personally meaningful way, than be told. Kind of like how I tend to enjoy bands that happen to have Christian members more than "Christian bands", if that makes sense. Not that I rigidly define things along those lines, or see one as necessarily more "correct" than the other (people approach life differently), but I am more comfortable with one than the other.

Yeah, just recently I had a real nice woman that was divorced after only 2 years of marriage to a "Christian" man hat had hatred towards her adult son, and wanted her adult daughter to get an abortion after he found out she got pregnant. HIGHLY controlling.

Also tried to isolate her from her female friends. Very insecure. They met at a Meetup, but I was actually shocked to find this out of her. It was her 2nd marriage. After that dumpster fire, I'd be surprise if she'd EVER marry again.

She said she tried to take the Godly route to have them seek counseling, but he wouldn't have it.

I am saddened every time I hear stories like this from devout Christians (as she is one)...wouldn't surprise me that THESE kinds of experiences turns even Christians to a more secular route when going through the selection process choosing future mates.

There was a time I would say "I met a real nice Christian girl" to my dad, and he'd say something like, "So? That doesn't mean anything".

Turns out, he was right.

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