How do you deal with it?

[MelWright]

Hi
Does anyone know how I can deal with my mum? Shes an alcoholic and shes making my life hell.

Its just getting worse and worse. Im scared for my younger brothers, its usually just me who gets all the abuse but i really need to move out and im scared to leave them. I practically brought them up myself, I cook for them, do their washing, everything.

 

[fellowshippingwithjesus]

Hi
Does anyone know how I can deal with my mum? Shes an alcoholic and shes making my life hell.

Its just getting worse and worse. Im scared for my younger brothers, its usually just me who gets all the abuse but i really need to move out and im scared to leave them. I practically brought them up myself, I cook for them, do their washing, everything.

Hi Mel,

Thank you for bringing your request here to CF.

The best thing to do in all situations in our lives my friend is to pray up the situation to God our Heavenly Father.

I would like stand with you and everyone here in prayer for your mother

May the mighty hand of God move in your life and bring restoration and peace to your home.

God bless you and your family

Have a wonderful Easter Mel
fellowshippingwithJESUS.

 

[justanobserver]

Hi
Does anyone know how I can deal with my mum? Shes an alcoholic and shes making my life hell.

Its just getting worse and worse. Im scared for my younger brothers, its usually just me who gets all the abuse but i really need to move out and im scared to leave them. I practically brought them up myself, I cook for them, do their washing, everything.

Hey MelWright. Welcome to the Recovery forum.

Am so sorry about what your going thru. I can relate, but from the other side - I am a recovering alcoholic and I have children (older now) that knew me as a drunk dad.

Does your mom acknowledge she is an alcoholic? I am not sure what services are available over in England but for you, you might want to look into AlAnon - its like AA but for the families and loved ones of the alcoholic

http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/international.html

not saying its the answer but its a sourse that may help you with answers, advise, suggestions, where to go or to look for help, etc. Plus, there would be support, a place to share, vent, talk to others who are going thru the same thing.

There is a thread in this seciton about Al Anon and some folks in there you might want to PM and tlak to who have gone thru or are currently going thru this.

For your mom, heres the link to international AA - http://www.alcoholics-anonymous.org/en_find_meeting.cfm?PageID=31

for a christian alternative called Celebrate Recovery (I attend one here in the US), here is the intantional web site for it: its not just for the recovering alcoholic/addict - its for you too!

http://www.celebraterecovery-ne.com/contacts-uk.html

You will be in my thoughts and my heart goes out to you.

 

[MelWright]

No she doesnt acknowledge it. She slams my head into the wall so i almost faint, tells me she hates me, ive ruined her life, she wishes shed never had me, i never deserve kids of my own, id be an awful mother. Worst thing she could have possilby said to me after Ive been raped 4 times and pregnant twice from it. I hate her

 

[MelWright]

Is anyone here?

 

[CMohr]

No she doesnt acknowledge it. She slams my head into the wall so i almost faint, tells me she hates me, ive ruined her life, she wishes shed never had me, i never deserve kids of my own, id be an awful mother. Worst thing she could have possilby said to me after Ive been raped 4 times and pregnant twice from it. I hate her

I am so sorry. I am sorry that you have been raped and became pregnant two of the times.

My dad is like your mom. When drinks he turns in to another person. He verbally abuses his girlfriend and sometimes me. When your mom drinks, stay away from her and never confront her about alcohol when she is drinking it. Also, on the nights or days that you know she will get drunk, make plans ahead of time saying that you will be taking your brothers to the movies or somewhere for the day/night. That way you will not be in the house when she is drunk.

The next day when she is sober, confront her with what her behavior was like. I hope that helped. If you ever need to talk, you can talk to me.

 

[MelWright]

Thanks, I will try to stay out of the way. Its pretty hard as its all the time. I always try and keep my brothers out of the house, ive protected them all my life. If I confront my mum she will kick me out and I cant afford to go anywhere else. I just need to bear it, however hard it gets. She hurt me again yesterday.

 

[Rynalee]

Hi,

I am just so concerned for you and your brothers. It sounds like a terrible case of abuse and I really wonder if perhaps you actually all need to get out of there. There are bound to be organisations that can help you. Are there relatives that would take your brothers in? (Not sure how old your brothers are.) Perhaps you could try ringing a local charity or church. Perhaps they could get you started in finding some help for yourselves. Is your Dad on the scene at all? What support do you have? If you're only 19, perhaps Al-Ateen would be better for you than Al-Anon. Have you tried looking them up in the phone book or on the internet. Even your local hospital or community health centre should be able to help you find your local group.

I really hope you can get the direct help that you need.

 

[MelWright]

I dont have any support, its just me. My brothers are growing up now and they are starting to see the bad side of my mum, I cant keep hiding it from them. I will start looking into what I can do. I just have so much going on in my life at the moment, I cant take much more. Im really really struggling to cope.

mel

 

[AngelDove1]

I dont have any support, its just me. My brothers are growing up now and they are starting to see the bad side of my mum, I cant keep hiding it from them. I will start looking into what I can do. I just have so much going on in my life at the moment, I cant take much more. Im really really struggling to cope.

mel

 

[Rynalee]

I dont have any support, its just me. My brothers are growing up now and they are starting to see the bad side of my mum, I cant keep hiding it from them. I will start looking into what I can do. I just have so much going on in my life at the moment, I cant take much more. Im really really struggling to cope.

mel

It sounds like you are really desperate for help!!

Here is whom you can call if you are in crisis:
YOUR DOCTOR - First of all, has your doctor or therapist given you permission to contact them in an emergency? Don't be embarrassed to call them if so. This is their job, what you or your insurance company is paying for. They wouldn't give you their number if they didn't want you to use it.
A CRISIS CENTER - Another option you have is to call a crisis center.
NO CRISIS CENTER IN YOUR AREA? - If you've searched the crisis center listing, but could not find one for your area, keep in mind that some centers may provide an 800 number. You may call this 800 number even if the center is not in your area. You may also call 1-800-784-2433 or 1-800-273-8255 from anywhere in the U.S.
DIRECTORY INFORMATION - You may call 411 (in the U.S.) and ask for one of the following:

1. • suicide prevention,

1. • crisis intervention,

1. • community crisis center or,

1. • county mental health center.

1. 911 - If all else fails, contact your local emergency number and tell them you are feeling suicidal and need help.
   
   I really hope you find some help. If you're feeling like you just can't cope anymore, please don't end your life. Your brothers would be WORSE off then and the world wouldn't be as good without you in it (everyone is created by God and has special value and purpose!!). Call one of the above numbers or type in suicide prevention on google. I tried giving you a couple of good links, but apparently I haven't made enough posts yet to be able to link to an external site.
   
   I really concerned for you!

 

[MelWright]

Hi

Im ok, dont worry. Im not going to do anything, I dont think I ever could however bad things got. I am desperate but honestly, you havnt got to worry in terms of suicide. I wouldn have the guts!!

Thank you for spending the time to find out that information for me. It means a lot to me that there are people in the world who do care and dont just want to keep hurting me.

mel

 

[LoG]

Hey Mel, take a look through this page. It has some good suggestions about how to find a measure of peace and happiness no matter what our situation.
http://www.peacepilgrim.com/steps1.htm

 

[MelWright]

Hi

In another thread I got a really powerful message from someone. Shes right, im not going to stay a victim for the rest of my life. Not of my mum, not of the guy who kept hurting me. It wont happen overnight, I know, I just need to find my old happy go lucky loving life self. Im stronger than what ive become, I know I am. I will NOT give up and let them win. I wont let it happen.

 

[Rynalee]

How's it going with your brothers? Is there any chance you could move out and take them with you, since it sounds like you're already providing most of the care anyway? Is there financial support in the States for that kind of living situation??? If you can't get them out of there easily, you could always try drawing it to the attention of the government agencies that step into familial abuse situations. They will usually try to find another family member to care for the kids if possible, which could obviously be you????

I migh be right off with these suggestions, but figured I'd mention it anyway and let you make up your mind what you do.

I really hope things are improving and I agree with the last post: you do NOT have to be a victim for ever!!

 

[MelWright]

I dont know if I could take them with me. Im in the UK, courts always rule the parents way. They couldnt use my brothers in court, they are young and I have spent my life hiding what my mum can be like from them. It would be my word against hers. Theres no way id win.

Things will improve when I find somewhere to live. Then even if I do have to leave my brothers behind, they will have somewhere to come and stay if they need it as they get older.

 

[LoG]

"Not being a victim" is not about escaping a situation but about giving up an attitude. One who is not a victim is more capable of making a healthy choice in dealing with a bad situation.
If you truly fear for the physical safety of yourself and siblings then there is also the choice of involving the police. At the age of 19, I believe they call it assault. and when one is raped, it is called rape. Women who call the police about those acts of violence are less likely to be raped or assaulted again by the same person. They respect themselves enough not to be used as a sex object, punching bag or somebodies emotional dumping ground.
In the end it is the most loving thing one can do for the perpetrator because it allows them to take responsibility for their sick behaviour and suffer the consequences of it. JMO

 

[MelWright]

I know your right. I just have to get the guts to do something. I feel so weak at the moment I dont know if I could handle it. Ive got to be strong again, the way I used to be. Not an emotional wreck like I am at the moment. I know what I have to do, I just need to find the strength to do it.

 

[MelWright]

Had a bad day today, felt really down all day. Im fighting hard to stay away from drink myself. But im doing it, however hard it is. Any words of encouragement welcome!! My mum is just nasty. I really cant wait till I can get away from her .

 

[LoG]

Sorry to hear Mel but remember that picking up a drink is not going to fix anything. It at best makes one forget for a few hours and at worst intensifies the emotional turmoil.

Don't want to sound like a parent but I really wish you would go to an AA or Acoa meeting. I really think it will help you a lot.