How do you deal with a hard road ahead?

[RETS]

My girl and I are very happy, very much in love, and very much committed to each other and to the Lord. We pray every night, except where one of us ends up passing out due to exhaustion, and we study the Bible together a great deal.

We have prayed individually and as a couple, and we do believe that God has brought us together. We will be getting married- That much is decided.


What I want to know from you married folks is this: How do you deal with an insane mother-in-law?


I'm not asking about this in a comedy sort of way. My girl's mother first met me, and loved me to death. We talked together a lot, prayed jointly, and so forth. Often, in the beginning of my relationship with my girlfriend, we'd end up having three-way calls with her Mom.

Then, about a year ago, her mother hit a severe period. She bled for nearly four months straight, while refusing medical attention. As a result, she has gone completely around the bend; to the point of attempting to end my relationship with her daughter because she was convinced I would ruin her life, or do her harm. Her hormone and chemical imbalance has gotten so bad that she sees her own mother and her daughter as enemies from time to time.

Well-- She doesn't know it yet, but my girl is leaving home and moving here within the next few months. We both know she's going to have a fit. However, I also know that the Bible says that what the Lord puts together "let no man (or woman) put asunder."


So... Any advice- Dealing with the problem; ways to go about seeking reconciliation; how to handle the wedding- Any advice at all would be appreciated.


Thanks.

 

[BFine]

You both should be in accord as to how "mom" is to be handled due to her medical issues.

Leave a door open for reconciliation.

As for the wedding....if "mom" is still going off the deep end, I would be very leery of inviting her to the wedding.

Establish healthy boundaries when dealing with "toxic" people regardless if they are family or not.

 

[RETS]

Thanks, BFine. You may be surprised, but there have been very few people willing to give advice, thoughts or even encouragement on this issue. It's been dragging me down quite a bit.

Thanks again!

 

[Niffer]

First of all, this woman clearly needs medical attention, and psychiatric evaluation.
Obviously something happened for her to do a complete 180 on how she feels about you and this relationship with her daughter.

If she really is as emotionally unstable as you've said, for your girlfriend to just leave, could literally kill her.
Also, you're not married YET, so using the "torn asunder" verse really doesn't work here - she is not a part of you yet, there is no one flesh and no submission of headship.
I know that verse though justifies your actions in your mind, in the eyes of God, but I think your manipulating it to use to your advantage.

Your GF needs to get her mother help, if anything you should be going down there to help her deal with this.

You may be right in thinking that this woman is completely around the bend, but if she's potentially harmful to herself or others, or for some unfounded reason believes you're going to harm her - PLUS with the massive blood loss/trauma of her experience without medical attention...I would say leaving her alone and without help is the bigger issue here, and not just your own personal problems.

Peace,
- Niff

 

[RETS]

First of all, this woman clearly needs medical attention, and psychiatric evaluation.
Obviously something happened for her to do a complete 180 on how she feels about you and this relationship with her daughter.

If she really is as emotionally unstable as you've said, for your girlfriend to just leave, could literally kill her.
Also, you're not married YET, so using the "torn asunder" verse really doesn't work here - she is not a part of you yet, there is no one flesh and no submission of headship.
I know that verse though justifies your actions in your mind, in the eyes of God, but I think your manipulating it to use to your advantage.

Your GF needs to get her mother help, if anything you should be going down there to help her deal with this.

You may be right in thinking that this woman is completely around the bend, but if she's potentially harmful to herself or others, or for some unfounded reason believes you're going to harm her - PLUS with the massive blood loss/trauma of her experience without medical attention...I would say leaving her alone and without help is the bigger issue here, and not just your own personal problems.

Peace,
- Niff

Hey, Niff-

Thanks for the response. (Oh- And congrats on the baby!)

As far as medical attention for her Mom goes, we've already tried that. She refuses to have anything to do with doctors. She states that there's nothing wrong with her, and that "God" tells her she's fine. She is living with her mother, my girl's grandmother, so when my girlfriend leaves she won't be completely alone.

As far as the reasons for my girlfriend leaving- They aren't just about me. She cannot deal with the stress there any longer. Living with her Mom, she told me, is like balancing a glass nitroglycerin bottle on your nose. Her main reason for leaving is that her mother is driving her out.

I would go out there to offer my support, but I've been threatened with physical harm should her mother see me- I don't want to risk sending her over the edge. My girl's grandmother seems to think that with my girlfriend out of the house, she may be able to move her daughter into a hospice program or something similar.

Also, the newest development is that the Mom now knows she'll be "moving out on her own," and has said that's for the best.

 

[If Not For Grace]

"How do you deal with an insane mother-in-law?"

Insane is a keyword; it's not your job to "Fix" her. Sometimes even family ties have to be cut (see Abraham; re=crazy kinfolk). Just a word of caution, that GF not be in a hurry to "marry to get away from home". Perhaps she should live out on her own
for awhile. Why does MNL need to "know" all your business?

You can not help people who don't want or refuse help. You can live your life & be happy. Just do that. Move if need be, get private numbers. Congrats on being in Love.

My MNL (hard core-alcoholic) gave me problems for a few years until I decided I wasn't going to let her any longer-and now she doesn't. Hubby sometimes gets caught in the middle, but he knows how & why I feel the way I do. I had to set up
boundaries and consequences just like you would w/a child. OVER & OVER & OVER & OVER (Are u tired yet?) & OVER..till I finally just had to be blunt and firm (learned how to "just say no") & it works 97% of the time-so I don't worry too much about the other 3%

There w/b problems as long as their are Money, Kids & N-Laws

It's just how you deal w/em

Prayers
I've told him

 

[RETS]

Thank you, Grace. I truly appreciate the advice and encouragement. Setting up boundaries for a grown woman, eh? Yikes!

Also, my girlfriend will have her own place- I'm not about the moving in together bit. I notice that everywhere the Bible talks about a man leaving his family, it follows up with "to cleave to his WIFE." She ain't my wife yet, so I'm not cleaving! lol

 

[chaz345]

The number one most important, to the point that all other things really don't matter, critical point is that you and your future wife are in absolute complete and 100% total agreement on how the situation with her mom will be handled. Exactly how to handle it is well beyond what anyone here can really help you all that much with, but you and your wife must be completely on the same page as to how it will be handled.

 

[RETS]

Agreed, Chaz, and thank you.

We are in agreement that the situation must be handled as delicately as possible, but we're both at a loss as to methods to employ. Thus, the reason I'm relating the situation to all of you.

 

[Autumnleaf]

What I want to know from you married folks is this: How do you deal with an insane mother-in-law?

Lock her in a tower.

 

[ex-pat]

If she's having an episode while she's taking HER mother to a doctor's appointment, call ahead and ask the doc to evaluate HER while she's there.