How do you change your identity?

[Rosa Mystica]

In light of my recent break up, I am beginning to feel that no one will ever love me for the person that I really am. Therefore, I am considering changing all the fundamental aspects of myself in order to avoid a life of complete and utter solititude (the prospect of which is worsening my depression as we speak). I'm finding it nearly impossible to be someone I'm not, but I have no other choice if I want to be loved (I can't live a loveless life).

So, what I want to know is this: how do you deny the person you are and become someone totally new in a way that will cause relatively little pain? Has anyone here ever changed for another person? How did it work out for you? Can it even be done?

Please respond, someone. I'm becoming utterly desolate. If I can have love in my life again (I doubt I ever will), then maybe things can get better for me. And, if I have to give up my identity to get this thing I so badly need and want, then I guess I have to do it. Otherwise, I end up alone.

Thanks, guys.

Rosa

 

[Victrixa]

Hi sweet Rosa,

I hope you don't mind me responding to your thread.

Please don't change! You are wonderful as you are!

Depression and your life situation is bringing you to despair. Understandingly so. I know that things seem horrible and impossible right now, but I'm sure, as I have experienced it, that things will get better in time. I am sure that there is a lovely guy out there for you! A traditional and orthodox Catholic one at that!

I believe in miracles. Throw yourself in God's wonderful, compassionate and loving arms!

I wish I had real words of wisdom for you. Unfortunatley, I am limited and I don't. I just wish I could take some of your pain. I really do. The only thing I can do is pray a novena to the Sacred Heart of Jesus for you as well as offer my rosary prayers for you. I've already said rosaries for you. And offered the powerful prayer of the Mass for you.

I know how hard things can be at times. I have myself, more than once, suffered from despair to the point of wanting to die but God has always rescued me and given me the right friends and some of His strenght to fill the emptiness and help me to go on.

I just want to encourage you to remain as you are. Don't put on a mask. You are so lovely as you are, Rosa. This world needs the real Rosa. The soft, gentle, sensitive and caring Rosa.

I pray for you all the time.

I really care.

Sincerely,

Caroline

 

[Rosa Mystica]

Although I would rather be myself, Caroline, there is a price to pay for this. Namely, isolation. Not only will I never find love, but I don't think I'll ever find genuine friendship either if I don't change. I must; no one respects devout Catholics. I had a former classmate from university tell me once that no one will want to ever marry someone who strictly adheres to all the teachings of the Church. She herself was Catholic! And, I'm beginning to think that she was right...

I have also come to another decision: that if things do not change w/in two years from now, I will kill myself on my 25th birthday. If "living for God" (or even in general) means being depressed and miserable all the time, then I want no part of it. Absolutely none. I can only take so much, and I've had too many people push me over the edge in my 23 years. I want out of this misery- I will put myself out of it if I come to realize that happiness will never be w/in my grasp.

 

[Victrixa]

Oh honey, but you may find a wonderful orthodox and traditionalist Catholic man! Some of the orthodox Catholics on CF have met a devout orthodox Catholic woman/man. Why wouldn't you?

I'll keep you in my prayers and please know that I am here if you need me, okay?

Love and prayers,

Caroline

 

[mikeforjesus]

Thats where love for Jesus or the world comes into play..

These are just warnings that hopefully make you consider again, but I dont want you to stay fully dedicated out of fear but love.


James 4:4 "Adulterers and adulteresses! Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God? Whoever therefore wants to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God."

Now im not saying u are an adulterer but everyone who leaves God for the World is considered an adulterer to him.. but you have not done so yet.


"For it is impossible for those who were once enlightened, and have tasted of the heavenly gift, and were made partakers of the Holy Spirit, 5 And have tasted the good word of God, and the powers of the world to come, 6 If they shall fall away, to renew them again unto repentance; seeing they crucify to themselves the Son of God afresh, and put him to an open shame."
Heb 6:4-6


This was written to the hebrews who converted from judaism to christianity but then converted back.. but it seems a similar situation... Now Paul is not saying u wont be accepted again if u repent for leaving the faith in God which is without partiality but that u wont be the same again or that u might not even come back... Maybe?

1 John 2:15-17 "Love not the world, neither the things that are in the world. If any man love the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world. And the world passeth away, and the lust thereof: but he that doeth the will of God abideth for ever."

Col 3:2-3 "Set your affection on things above, not on things on the earth. For ye are dead, and your life is hid with Christ in God."

Luke 8:13

"They on the rock are they, which, when they hear, receive the word

with joy; and these have no root, which for a while believe, and in

time of temptation fall away. "

Luke 8:14 "And that which fell among thorns are they, which, when they have heard, go forth, and are choked with cares and riches and pleasures of this life [bios], and bring no fruit to perfection."


1 John 3:1
"Behold what manner of love the Father has bestowed on us, that we should be called children of God! Therefore the world does not know us, because it did not know Him."

1 John 3:13-14
"13 Do not marvel, my brethren, if the world hates you. 14 We know that we have passed from death to life, because we love the brethren. He who does not love his brother abides in death"

Now this doesnt apply only to you so doing think im judging you but these are very hard verses for me tooo and everyone trying to do the will of God. We must persevere.
We need to see how this really does hurt God and we live for Him and not for the world. God will not give you a husband and companion until you first learn to be completely satisfied with Him. St Paul tells us to be content in every state we are in.

And me the one who you probably hate now for this, Ill pray for you too.. Im sorry for the hard rebuke, this is just the verses that came to my mind.

 

[mikeforjesus]

Okay rosa mystica I wish I could take back that message coz I know it doesnt apply to you... I read your message again.

You said ".. means being depressed and miserable all the time, then I want no part of it. Absolutely none"

I didnt think you meant all the time., just alot. Because its meant to be Sadness stays for the night, but Joy comes in the morning (even if the night is very long - but so will the day be long ? hehe).. God promised us this Joy and I say everyone on this forum should pray that our dear sister mystica experiences this sometimes and that the LORD may be with her all the way comforting her. I was depressed for 2 yrs without any joy at all but coming back to God with all my heart will heal me completely... Coz I have had these experiences of peace and joy that comes for a while ever since going back to church taking communion , reading bible, prayer etc... But im still depressed overall .. but I know persisting will bear much fruit in the time appointed and I will once again return to the original state of Grace I had ages ago. And im sure changes will happen to you more rapid than mine when u persist in the word and spiritual practices (done out of ur heart) because i m the worst sinner.

I pray for you from today onwards.

God be with you.

 

[mikeforjesus]

I just want to say it happened very slowly.. persistence for like a yr to make slow but permanent changes.
That may be considered a little time for some but the state I was in was just awful awful awful awful... Dead more than anyone else that ever existed (If felt like that but I know I havent suffered more than anyone)

Peace and Love of Jesus be with you.

 

[mikeforjesus]

But then again ofcourse if the cross that God told us to carry is that heavy then we must bear it with patience.. but never have I heard of it... and this is not going to be so with your case WATCH.

 

[Rosa Mystica]

Oh honey, but you may find a wonderful orthodox and traditionalist Catholic man! Some of the orthodox Catholics on CF have met a devout orthodox Catholic woman/man. Why wouldn't you?

I'll keep you in my prayers and please know that I am here if you need me, okay?

Love and prayers,

Caroline

Why? B/c somehow, I developed the idea that God doesn't want me to ever find love. That He wants for my life to be loveless and lonely. I think I got the idea from reading posts by some of the more fanatical members here (no, you're not a fanatic or anything like that).

I would like to believe what you are saying. I truly would.

 

[Victrixa]

Rosa,

Why? B/c somehow, I developed the idea that God doesn't want me to ever find love. That He wants for my life to be loveless and lonely. I think I got the idea from reading posts by some of the more fanatical members here

Have some posters here told you that you'll never find love? I sure hope not!

Sweetie, you've been so often hurt and told that you're no good and that you don't deserve anything good that it's normal to hurt and to be in disbelief concerning the fact that you deserve anything but the best in life. I understand the feeling somehow myself. It's normal, when we've been so destroyed by evil words and lies, to have low self esteem, to have no confidence whatsoever in ourselves, to believe that we have no value.

I'm really sorry about all that pain you experience. You deserve love, not only by a good devout Catholic man, but by friends, which I hope you will also meet very soon. I'll keep praying.

I say that you deserve all the very best that this world has to offer. Throw yourself in the God of Love's loving arms for the moment.

Love and prayers,

Caroline

 

[Victrixa]

mikeforjesus,

I truly appreciate the fact that you wish to help Rosa Mystica. I believe that what Rosa needs, at this point in her life, is support, more than anything else. Thanks for caring. I know you hurt too. So this is for you too: and

 

[TheMainException]

oh,no...nonononononono!!!! Do not change who you REALLY are! That is the most important thing about you....if you fake who you really are...you will bring yourself more pain than you have now...It's important that you never lose who you really are. How do you know that you will end up alone...you are only 23...you have so much time! God will send the right person into your life...but for now, find joy in God...I love you, Lauren

 

[Rosa Mystica]

God will send the right person into your life

Lauren, I have no way of knowing this for sure, either.

I've had this awful feeling for the past couple of months that I am not meant to be with anyone. I know I may be wrong, but I just can't shake the idea, and I feel that it is most likely going to be the case for me.

 

[VivDaGurl]

Lauren, I have no way of knowing this for sure, either.

I've had this awful feeling for the past couple of months that I am not meant to be with anyone. I know I may be wrong, but I just can't shake the idea, and I feel that it is most likely going to be the case for me.

Oh my dear Rosa... I'm so sorry that I didn't read this earlier. I'm so sorry for what you are feeling now. Please, don't change who you are - you are one of the sweet and wonderful girl I've known on CF here.

Rosa, I had the similiar thinking as you are now. I've been broken off for almost two years now and sometimes, the pain still come by to visit me. Very often, I have the feeling that I will never be with anyone and I have to live on my own.

Sweetie, you've been so often hurt and told that you're no good and that you don't deserve anything good that it's normal to hurt and to be in disbelief concerning the fact that you deserve anything but the best in life. I understand the feeling somehow myself. It's normal, when we've been so destroyed by evil words and lies, to have low self esteem, to have no confidence whatsoever in ourselves, to believe that we have no value.

As quoted above, when any of us are being hurt and negative comments had been spilled out from any other people, it affects us badly. I, too have receive many negative comments and at work, not much support from the people around me. When this comes by, it hits me badly and very difficult to rebuild my confidence but, it's a big step to take.

Rosa, I will for you...

 

[Rosa Mystica]

The absolute worst part of this all was that I never wanted this split to happen. He initiated it, not me. And God will never give my ex back to me. Never.

 

[VivDaGurl]

The absolute worst part of this all was that I never wanted this split to happen. He initiated it, not me. And God will never give my ex back to me. Never.

I just wanted to give you a call but ...

No one want any split to happen and as for mine, the split was initiated by my ex too. Please don't cry, my dear sweetie.... I will pray for you that God will be there to comfort you.