How Do You Become Comfortable Socializing?

[nb408]

When I'm taken out of my comfort zone and into a room full of people I feel so out of place. Instant thoughts will emerge like "These people are all so mature, I'm not welcome here, nobody likes me I should go away, they have so many friends, should I say hi or pretend I don't see them, I won't make eye contact because I would just make things weird, they're intimidating, what does a guy like me have anything to offer them, I don't want to be a bother, etc.." I feel bad for myself that these thoughts and beliefs are holding me back from being friendly and sociable. Once I bring awareness to the fact that I can't escape this trap of not being able to express myself for fear of rejection I cringe. I feel even more trapped and more self pity. Furthermore, I feel like I still have the same mindset I had as a teenager. Popular people=Cool, friends, success, girlfriends, opportunities, life in abundance. Whenever I see people with these attributes I'm instantly intimidated because they have something that I truly want. I wish I was in a place where all I want is God and he alone can satisfy the desires of my heart. It's easy to sit on my butt and say that but just saying that doesn't change a thing. If I'm to truly believe that then I must act on it, I just don't know how to act, where to start, what to do? Maybe there are just some things that no amount of advice will help you to determine the path you must choose? For starters should I go to church group tonight where over 100 kids my age meetup? I haven't been in about 4 weeks but prior to that I went 2 months straight. I know some faces but I'm still not comfortable with expressing myself and I still haven't made any friends. I see all these kids my age giving hugs and high fives as if they've known eachother forever and I can't help but to feel like crap. I can't help but to think, what's wrong with me? I'm sorry for the long rant but I'm kind of venting and just putting my thoughts out there. Anyway, should I go to the group tonight, I'm already intimidated just thinking about it?

 

[HRoseC]

I know it can be quite intimidating to put yourself out there. I still struggle with it, but it can defiantly get better. Don't forget that God made you good. You have a lot you can offer other people. It helps if you can force yourself to talk to people, over time it will start to feel more comfortable especially as you make friends. It may look like these people have everything they possible want but they are still broken people who live in a broken sinful world. I bet you have a whole lot more in common then you imaging. You should go to the group the next time they meet. The more you put yourself out there the easier it gets. Have you tried meet up? That way you can also meet other people who have similar interest. It's normally easier to talk to other people if you have something in common. I recommend watching this video. It's really good.

 

[euripetelynn]

I'm sorry to hear that you're having those thoughts...that doesn't sound very fun I can identify to an extent; sometimes I really struggle with believing that I'm not annoying people, and I find it really difficult to talk easily with others.

The thing is, I also realize this can be a pretty selfish standpoint for me to adopt. When I considered why I wasn't talking to others, it was almost always because I was afraid that I would get hurt; I wasn't genuinely concerned for their well-being. I find it can be a lot easier to socialize when I genuinely seek out the best interest in the other person. I think of things that I crave and that make me happy. For example, it makes me happy when other people care about my life, ask questions, and are genuinely interested in the answer, so I try to do this for other people.

You have a lot to offer people, and it's important not to forget this. My suggestion is to focus on loving others. How can you make someone else's day better? What are your skills when it comes to dealing with people? I have yet to meet someone who had absolutely nothing to offer. Some people are fun and engaging; others are calming; and still others are just flat out shy, and I like these people too because I identify with them. There are so many different ways of bringing light to other people's day.

Love is the antithesis of fear, so by mastering the art of loving others, you become fearless yourself (of course, this takes a very, very long time and we won't ever be perfect - but progress, not perfection, is what we're aiming for).

Of course, this is impossible to do yourself. My suggestion: pray, pray, and pray. It sounds like you've been a victim of a lot of lies; ask God to show you the truth, and show you your worth - because it's definitely there!

Also consider reading Waking the Dead by John Eldredge because it's awesome and is one of the few books that genuinely made me feel like a worthwhile person

 

[ImAllLikeOkWaitWat]

These feelings of inadequacy will go away eventually. They key is to focus on whats important. The people you think are so popular and living this amazing life aren't much happier than you and some are more miserable than you. Looks can be deceiving. Ask yourself what are some good reasons for not going to this group and what are some bad reasons. Once it is clear which is the best decision it is a matter of acting. Take a shot and expect nothing and receive everything is my advice. I too shared some of your fears at one point, it is easy to be intimidated by outwardly appearance. But we must try to be like our father who says I judge by whats on the inside while men judge whats on the outside. We must try to focus on whats beyond appearances. We may fail at this but must attempt it otherwise we end up fearful of external circumstances.