How do I move on and let go?

[Person721]

Its hard to know where even to begin. This is going to be a very long winded post, as I've never talked about, potentially the root of this, with anyone, but I think its time to try and find real answers. I don't mean to spill my whole life story here, but at this point I don't care.

A couple months ago, I had the first anxiety attack of my life. I ended up rushing to the ER thinking I was having a heart attack. After finding out there was no physical health issues, I had come to the conclusion it must have been anxiety related.

It made me question a lot in my life, and my current motivations for some of the major life changes I'm in the process of (buying my first home and living on my own for the first time).

To try and make an extremely long story short, it all goes back to my teen years. I had fallen pretty deeply in love with this girl my age at the time, and yet I never had the courage to even talk to her. I simply knew things about her and felt that we had had a lot in common. As someone who was born and raised a christian, albeit a pretty lackluster one who barely understood the gospel, I had always thought that finding a deep and meaningful relationship like this and getting married was the end goal. The thing in life that truly mattered most. I see in retrospect, I had always valued this kind of relationship above everything else, including my relationship with Jesus it seems.

Fear had really taken hold, and I couldn't ever quite seem to properly manage my feelings about this. I had never really told anyone either. I always had this belief that God had made mate for everyone, though now I suppose this isn't true. I cant really explain what had happened, but somehow in my mismanagement of the whole thing, it all turned to hate and I decided to run from the situation. After the dust had settled and I realized my chance to ever act on it was over, it resulted in a real deep sadness that really just turned into severe bitterness all these years. I realize now at this point, that ever since, I have basically, in the back of my mind been living my life trying to somehow impress someone who doesn't even know I exist. It's as if I'm trying to compete to try and gain this girls attention, who I'm sure has long since moved on and never knew I existed. So I had basically replaced my desire with relationship with the pursuit of money and material goods thinking this would make a difference.

With the issues I had in finding a house, I think that was just the final straw in my self efforts in this area and I cracked under the pressure. I have no problems believing Jesus is my salvation and the only way to eternal life, but I feel like I never quite valued any sort of relationship with him beyond that, and even in the back of my mind at times hearing that he WOULD give me what I wanted most, I was just so far gone because of this situation that I would never quite turn this area over to him. I suppose now is the time, but how do I let go of all of this? Every day there is this nagging feeling that nothing I do even matters. As if I have basically lost everything. There is no point in trying to pursue the situation anymore because there is literally nothing there, and without this thing to chase, I simply don't have anymore purpose in life. The book of Ecclesiastes really hit me hard. I feel like I cant move forward in anything at this point, because all I do will amount to nothing, and all my passions for anything are gone. What makes it even worse is, I knew chasing money and possessions wasn't the answer, but I did it anyway. I didn't know how else to handle it, and the whole things just made me an extremely angry and bitter person.

So now, how do I let go of all this? It's a constant struggle in my mind now, day in, day out, trying to answer all these questions I have no answers to. I have been constantly watching grace filled sermons and messages, reading the word, trying my best to reconnect with Jesus, but it all seems somewhat futile at this point. I have no love left to give, and I feel as though I don't even care. There is just simply no reason to go on. It seems like there's basically no future in anything. How could I even get close to God and value a relationship with him when I can't even begin to feel love anymore? It's almost as if its a foreign concept to me, I don't even know what it is at this point. To this day, I still have not had any sort of relationship of any kind beyond a few simple friendships with people. Never the deeper connection I wanted in the first place with someone. The constant nagging in my mind that I'm almost 30, and the feeling that everyone else I knew from school has so effortlessly moved on with their life, and here I am despite all my efforts with nothing to show for it is manifesting in physical conditions. It gives me a real sense of dread and defeat that I just cant seem to shake. I need a REASON to go on.

Has anyone else been through this? Are there even any answers? What is my purpose in life now? Can Jesus fix my heart? I have no problem believing I'm saved by grace through faith, that has never been questioned, but I feel as though all this is in the way of ever having a relationship with him and hearing from him. I feel completely empty and dead.

 

[Jeshu]

Its hard to know where even to begin. This is going to be a very long winded post, as I've never talked about, potentially the root of this, with anyone, but I think its time to try and find real answers. I don't mean to spill my whole life story here, but at this point I don't care.

A couple months ago, I had the first anxiety attack of my life. I ended up rushing to the ER thinking I was having a heart attack. After finding out there was no physical health issues, I had come to the conclusion it must have been anxiety related.

It made me question a lot in my life, and my current motivations for some of the major life changes I'm in the process of (buying my first home and living on my own for the first time).

To try and make an extremely long story short, it all goes back to my teen years. I had fallen pretty deeply in love with this girl my age at the time, and yet I never had the courage to even talk to her. I simply knew things about her and felt that we had had a lot in common. As someone who was born and raised a christian, albeit a pretty lackluster one who barely understood the gospel, I had always thought that finding a deep and meaningful relationship like this and getting married was the end goal. The thing in life that truly mattered most. I see in retrospect, I had always valued this kind of relationship above everything else, including my relationship with Jesus it seems.

Fear had really taken hold, and I couldn't ever quite seem to properly manage my feelings about this. I had never really told anyone either. I always had this belief that God had made mate for everyone, though now I suppose this isn't true. I cant really explain what had happened, but somehow in my mismanagement of the whole thing, it all turned to hate and I decided to run from the situation. After the dust had settled and I realized my chance to ever act on it was over, it resulted in a real deep sadness that really just turned into severe bitterness all these years. I realize now at this point, that ever since, I have basically, in the back of my mind been living my life trying to somehow impress someone who doesn't even know I exist. It's as if I'm trying to compete to try and gain this girls attention, who I'm sure has long since moved on and never knew I existed. So I had basically replaced my desire with relationship with the pursuit of money and material goods thinking this would make a difference.

With the issues I had in finding a house, I think that was just the final straw in my self efforts in this area and I cracked under the pressure. I have no problems believing Jesus is my salvation and the only way to eternal life, but I feel like I never quite valued any sort of relationship with him beyond that, and even in the back of my mind at times hearing that he WOULD give me what I wanted most, I was just so far gone because of this situation that I would never quite turn this area over to him. I suppose now is the time, but how do I let go of all of this? Every day there is this nagging feeling that nothing I do even matters. As if I have basically lost everything. There is no point in trying to pursue the situation anymore because there is literally nothing there, and without this thing to chase, I simply don't have anymore purpose in life. The book of Ecclesiastes really hit me hard. I feel like I cant move forward in anything at this point, because all I do will amount to nothing, and all my passions for anything are gone. What makes it even worse is, I knew chasing money and possessions wasn't the answer, but I did it anyway. I didn't know how else to handle it, and the whole things just made me an extremely angry and bitter person.

So now, how do I let go of all this? It's a constant struggle in my mind now, day in, day out, trying to answer all these questions I have no answers to. I have been constantly watching grace filled sermons and messages, reading the word, trying my best to reconnect with Jesus, but it all seems somewhat futile at this point. I have no love left to give, and I feel as though I don't even care. There is just simply no reason to go on. It seems like there's basically no future in anything. How could I even get close to God and value a relationship with him when I can't even begin to feel love anymore? It's almost as if its a foreign concept to me, I don't even know what it is at this point. To this day, I still have not had any sort of relationship of any kind beyond a few simple friendships with people. Never the deeper connection I wanted in the first place with someone. The constant nagging in my mind that I'm almost 30, and the feeling that everyone else I knew from school has so effortlessly moved on with their life, and here I am despite all my efforts with nothing to show for it is manifesting in physical conditions. It gives me a real sense of dread and defeat that I just cant seem to shake. I need a REASON to go on.

Has anyone else been through this? Are there even any answers? What is my purpose in life now? Can Jesus fix my heart? I have no problem believing I'm saved by grace through faith, that has never been questioned, but I feel as though all this is in the way of ever having a relationship with him and hearing from him. I feel completely empty and dead.

A sad story. The good news is Jesus can bring everything into a positive spin for you. It is about letting Him rebuild you from the inside out. Pursuing money and partners are things pertaining to the physical but Jesus is first of all spiritual.

It is hard to explain how best go about it. Serving Jesus has to do with loving truthfully. Now anyone who learns to love truthfully is strong because they have been build by God. To love God, other as well as self is the key to this life in Christ. It is is gift to us.

Now Jesus tares down what is no good within us and rebuilds us from the inside out. He is a Master builder. So instead of focusing on your looses and reaping depression try and focus on Jesus instead and get to know Him by reading the Word of God. Powerful stuff to find Him back in the Word within but that is how we may know Him - He is The living word speaking love.

It is not so much about feeling love, when we are depressed we can't trust our feelings, but it is about knowing love that ultimate will proof to make the difference.

Please keep your eyes peeled on Jesus, not what people say about Jesus but what Jesus says Himself. It is Him who can guide you out of the trap you find yourself in.

Be of good courage.

Isaiah 55
‘Come, all you who are thirsty,
come to the waters;
and you who have no money,
come, buy and eat!
Come, buy wine and milk
without money and without cost.
Why spend money on what is not bread,
and your labour on what does not satisfy?
Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good,
and you will delight in the richest of fare.
Give ear and come to me;
listen, that you may live.
I will make an everlasting covenant with you,
my faithful love promised to David.
See, I have made him a witness to the peoples,
a ruler and commander of the peoples.
Surely you will summon nations you know not,
and nations you do not know will come running to you,
because of the Lord your God,
the Holy One of Israel,
for he has endowed you with splendour.’


Seek the Lord while he may be found;
call on him while he is near.
Let the wicked forsake their ways
and the unrighteous their thoughts.
Let them turn to the Lord, and he will have mercy on them,
and to our God, for he will freely pardon.


‘For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,’
declares the Lord.
‘As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.
As the rain and the snow
come down from heaven,
and do not return to it
without watering the earth
and making it bud and flourish,
so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater,
so is my word that goes out from my mouth:
it will not return to me empty,
but will accomplish what I desire
and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.
You will go out in joy
and be led forth in peace;
the mountains and hills
will burst into song before you,
and all the trees of the field
will clap their hands.
Instead of the thorn-bush will grow the juniper,
and instead of briers the myrtle will grow.
This will be for the Lord’s renown,
for an everlasting sign,
that will endure for ever.’

 

[sea5763]

Its hard to know where even to begin. This is going to be a very long winded post, as I've never talked about, potentially the root of this, with anyone, but I think its time to try and find real answers. I don't mean to spill my whole life story here, but at this point I don't care.

A couple months ago, I had the first anxiety attack of my life. I ended up rushing to the ER thinking I was having a heart attack. After finding out there was no physical health issues, I had come to the conclusion it must have been anxiety related.

It made me question a lot in my life, and my current motivations for some of the major life changes I'm in the process of (buying my first home and living on my own for the first time).

To try and make an extremely long story short, it all goes back to my teen years. I had fallen pretty deeply in love with this girl my age at the time, and yet I never had the courage to even talk to her. I simply knew things about her and felt that we had had a lot in common. As someone who was born and raised a christian, albeit a pretty lackluster one who barely understood the gospel, I had always thought that finding a deep and meaningful relationship like this and getting married was the end goal. The thing in life that truly mattered most. I see in retrospect, I had always valued this kind of relationship above everything else, including my relationship with Jesus it seems.

Fear had really taken hold, and I couldn't ever quite seem to properly manage my feelings about this. I had never really told anyone either. I always had this belief that God had made mate for everyone, though now I suppose this isn't true. I cant really explain what had happened, but somehow in my mismanagement of the whole thing, it all turned to hate and I decided to run from the situation. After the dust had settled and I realized my chance to ever act on it was over, it resulted in a real deep sadness that really just turned into severe bitterness all these years. I realize now at this point, that ever since, I have basically, in the back of my mind been living my life trying to somehow impress someone who doesn't even know I exist. It's as if I'm trying to compete to try and gain this girls attention, who I'm sure has long since moved on and never knew I existed. So I had basically replaced my desire with relationship with the pursuit of money and material goods thinking this would make a difference.

With the issues I had in finding a house, I think that was just the final straw in my self efforts in this area and I cracked under the pressure. I have no problems believing Jesus is my salvation and the only way to eternal life, but I feel like I never quite valued any sort of relationship with him beyond that, and even in the back of my mind at times hearing that he WOULD give me what I wanted most, I was just so far gone because of this situation that I would never quite turn this area over to him. I suppose now is the time, but how do I let go of all of this? Every day there is this nagging feeling that nothing I do even matters. As if I have basically lost everything. There is no point in trying to pursue the situation anymore because there is literally nothing there, and without this thing to chase, I simply don't have anymore purpose in life. The book of Ecclesiastes really hit me hard. I feel like I cant move forward in anything at this point, because all I do will amount to nothing, and all my passions for anything are gone. What makes it even worse is, I knew chasing money and possessions wasn't the answer, but I did it anyway. I didn't know how else to handle it, and the whole things just made me an extremely angry and bitter person.

So now, how do I let go of all this? It's a constant struggle in my mind now, day in, day out, trying to answer all these questions I have no answers to. I have been constantly watching grace filled sermons and messages, reading the word, trying my best to reconnect with Jesus, but it all seems somewhat futile at this point. I have no love left to give, and I feel as though I don't even care. There is just simply no reason to go on. It seems like there's basically no future in anything. How could I even get close to God and value a relationship with him when I can't even begin to feel love anymore? It's almost as if its a foreign concept to me, I don't even know what it is at this point. To this day, I still have not had any sort of relationship of any kind beyond a few simple friendships with people. Never the deeper connection I wanted in the first place with someone. The constant nagging in my mind that I'm almost 30, and the feeling that everyone else I knew from school has so effortlessly moved on with their life, and here I am despite all my efforts with nothing to show for it is manifesting in physical conditions. It gives me a real sense of dread and defeat that I just cant seem to shake. I need a REASON to go on.

Has anyone else been through this? Are there even any answers? What is my purpose in life now? Can Jesus fix my heart? I have no problem believing I'm saved by grace through faith, that has never been questioned, but I feel as though all this is in the way of ever having a relationship with him and hearing from him. I feel completely empty and dead.

I don't know if I had an obsession with someone quite to the depth that you did, but there was this guy I met while going to the first four year college I was at. I was obsessed with him and wanted to marry him. I didn't really know him that well, and we never dated, but I did talk to him on a couple of occasions. I didn't really see him past the age of like 21, but I just obsessed about him so much after the fact. I'm not in contact with him anymore, and I left the four year university I was at where I met him my fourth year before graduating. I'm 28 years old now and only tried online dating about a month ago. I was only really able to let go of my obsession with him once I facebook stalked him and saw in his profile picture that he is already married now. I still struggle with wanting to get married. I just want it so bad. I didn't even realize how desperate I was until I tried online dating a month ago. When I reread my texts they were beyond desperate and pathetic, and I think it was in part because the guy I met online vaguely reminded me of the guy I met in college, although everyone was telling me that the guy I met online was just telling me what I wanted to hear. It didn't work out with the guy I met online and I only talked to the guy like about 5 times. I've been really struggling with the thought that I'm going to die alone. As far as purpose goes in the Bible, I think the only passage I read that really says what our purpose is is to give thanks to God, make disciples, and to do good works.

Ephesians 2:10, Matthew 28:18-20, 1 Thessalonians 5:18

On the bright side, because you have been working hard, you're in an excellent position to find a good wife and have kids. I know you think that everyone is sailing along and everything is easy for them. However, many in our generation are really struggling financially. You're probably doing better than the vast majority by being able to buy a house at the age of 27. Personally I'm 28 years old and still struggling to get a bachelor's degree and a job. I finally earned an associate's degree like a year ago and transferred to another four year university. My guess is that you're anger and bitterness comes from not having a lot of deep relationships. I don't know if you're close with your family or not, but if they aren't too mean you might want to consider getting to know them better. I think feel lonely and unloved. I think it would help to try to remember that even if people don't love you, that Jesus does. but the Bible also says that it is important to have a community as well. People need each other and it sounds like you are rather isolated. If you're concerned about you're chasing after money and possessions being in vain, remember that you can donate a lot to charity and be generous.

1 Timothy 6:17-19

Hebrews 13:16

Hebrews 10:25

I think if you replaced the love for that girl that you had with Jesus instead you will find purpose in life and not be disappointed. Following Jesus takes a life of being willing to sacrifice on His behalf, but in the afterlife you'll be rewarded for everything.

That being said, I feel similarly to you about feeling ripped up on the inside after obsessing about the guy from college for so long. I feel for you. I know obsessing about someone like that can be so hard, and even if it goes nowhere, very painful. I know saying that replacing the love you have for that girl with Jesus is easier said than done, but I think it would help. And I know that it is difficult to make deep connections with others. I think if I didn't have a good family to bond with, I would feel bitter and angry too. To some extent I feel that way even though I do have family, but because I felt like when I failed, the whole world just kicked me while I was down. Like, growing up I felt like people were trying to drag me down, and when it finally happened, then they just kept kicking me while I was down. I was getting weird text messages and prank phone calls making fun of me and everything. I had to change my number. It's important to remember though that we love because Jesus loved us first. All love comes from God because God is love.

1 John 4:19

1 John 4:7

1 John 4:16

 

[Tempura]

These realizations do not mean the end is near. They only mean you're starting to see how some things do not guarantee happiness. We (at least for me it's true) sometimes have to "break" a little, or even more than a little, to grow in a different direction. To a more selfless direction, where it's not about what we can get, but what we can give. It doesn't seem like it makes much sense: we can get a lot by giving, and fill that deep dark hole within us, but I've found it to be true.

But it's not a transaction, and we don't get things (love, real connection, appreciation, friends) back all the time, but there is purpose in it - and whenever we get something back, no matter how rarely, it's something real. And once that kicks in, we'll find how those opportunities to love - especially in little things how we treat our neighbor - present themselves one after another, and we'll probably notice how missed those same opportunities back in the day and how we thought nothing of them. I had to be broken to get there. I'm still selfish, a sinner, and often lazy with love, but I'm far better off now than before. There is a peace now, sometimes, that I didn't feel before.

I was a bit like you, at least I think, about women. Many crushes from afar, and I put those people on such high pedestals. And of course I was shy too, and didn't believe in myself, so nothing happened. Then at some point things started happening, out of the blue. I've been madly in love with many women, many relationships, they were always in that pedestal for me. But in the end they were just people like me. All those relationships ended, most of them bitterly. And after one ended, I still clinged on to those people like I lost the love of my life and everything that mattered, until I met the next one. And the cycle repeated itself over again. Every time I thought something inside me died, that there was no love for me anymore, and that all love was a lie, and that I wouldn't get anything meaningful in life. I obsessed over these people for years like I was holding to my last breath of life, because I didn't know what else to do. That's also when I broke down and years of very dark times followed. At some point I was sure I had to die, because I felt I didn't have anything but pain, but I prayed instead, I had never been so "naked" in front of God. Slowly, after a long struggle, I started to get better. I went back to therapy and treatment. It took a lot of time for me, but I'm more at peace now than ever before. I viewed things through the lens of desperation, especially women, and I let that determine everything about what I was. I wanted to have more than love, because I confused my needs and desperation for real love - even when I was madly in love. I'm co-dependent too, especially back then I was. It's a weird thing. Look it up, perhaps you'll get some revelations.

Anyway, I think when I thought everything was lost, was when I began the search for God again. I always believed, but this was the first time when I had to go deeper, because I had nowhere else to go. I also think I've found myself more. I'm more at peace with who I am, with my failings and insecurities. It's fine. We all have some issues. But we can come to terms with them, and when our thoughts get dark, we don't have to believe them. I know these things are easy to say, I know.

If it comforts you, I was 30+ when I found my most meaningful relationships. The more I aged, the more I knew who I was, and the more I had accepted some of my weaknesses. People respond to that. But it seems like you're doing well financially or job-wise, good. I'm a deadbeat myself. There is structure in your life and it helps. Most of my friends who found someone at a younger age have divorced, changed partners or they're just alone now. It's not always the sunshine we think it is when we're watching across our fence to the other side.

Consider therapy. You might have some issues that need some work. I went and quit it many times, but in the end, it helped me. I can be more honest now; to myself, to God, to others. I understand how my mind works, especially when it's working negatively against me, I know its tricks to an extent and I can observe it.

I hope any of that didn't discourage you. I meant the opposite. These are the moments when we start to go towards something more meaningful and truthful when we're disillusioned with everything else, even if it means going through pain and disbelief. You'll become stronger, wiser, and you'll start to think of love in a different way. One day you'll find those chains are broken, and you can really breathe. Don't be afraid. God will help you, and you will have so many situations where you'll make real connections with people. And it's okay to be shy. Many people are.

Said a prayer for you, for God to guide and keep you, lift your burden and give you hope.

 

[Drifter Kybe Scythe Kane]

Its hard to know where even to begin. This is going to be a very long winded post, as I've never talked about, potentially the root of this, with anyone, but I think its time to try and find real answers. I don't mean to spill my whole life story here, but at this point I don't care.

A couple months ago, I had the first anxiety attack of my life. I ended up rushing to the ER thinking I was having a heart attack. After finding out there was no physical health issues, I had come to the conclusion it must have been anxiety related.

It made me question a lot in my life, and my current motivations for some of the major life changes I'm in the process of (buying my first home and living on my own for the first time).

To try and make an extremely long story short, it all goes back to my teen years. I had fallen pretty deeply in love with this girl my age at the time, and yet I never had the courage to even talk to her. I simply knew things about her and felt that we had had a lot in common. As someone who was born and raised a christian, albeit a pretty lackluster one who barely understood the gospel, I had always thought that finding a deep and meaningful relationship like this and getting married was the end goal. The thing in life that truly mattered most. I see in retrospect, I had always valued this kind of relationship above everything else, including my relationship with Jesus it seems.

Fear had really taken hold, and I couldn't ever quite seem to properly manage my feelings about this. I had never really told anyone either. I always had this belief that God had made mate for everyone, though now I suppose this isn't true. I cant really explain what had happened, but somehow in my mismanagement of the whole thing, it all turned to hate and I decided to run from the situation. After the dust had settled and I realized my chance to ever act on it was over, it resulted in a real deep sadness that really just turned into severe bitterness all these years. I realize now at this point, that ever since, I have basically, in the back of my mind been living my life trying to somehow impress someone who doesn't even know I exist. It's as if I'm trying to compete to try and gain this girls attention, who I'm sure has long since moved on and never knew I existed. So I had basically replaced my desire with relationship with the pursuit of money and material goods thinking this would make a difference.

With the issues I had in finding a house, I think that was just the final straw in my self efforts in this area and I cracked under the pressure. I have no problems believing Jesus is my salvation and the only way to eternal life, but I feel like I never quite valued any sort of relationship with him beyond that, and even in the back of my mind at times hearing that he WOULD give me what I wanted most, I was just so far gone because of this situation that I would never quite turn this area over to him. I suppose now is the time, but how do I let go of all of this? Every day there is this nagging feeling that nothing I do even matters. As if I have basically lost everything. There is no point in trying to pursue the situation anymore because there is literally nothing there, and without this thing to chase, I simply don't have anymore purpose in life. The book of Ecclesiastes really hit me hard. I feel like I cant move forward in anything at this point, because all I do will amount to nothing, and all my passions for anything are gone. What makes it even worse is, I knew chasing money and possessions wasn't the answer, but I did it anyway. I didn't know how else to handle it, and the whole things just made me an extremely angry and bitter person.

So now, how do I let go of all this? It's a constant struggle in my mind now, day in, day out, trying to answer all these questions I have no answers to. I have been constantly watching grace filled sermons and messages, reading the word, trying my best to reconnect with Jesus, but it all seems somewhat futile at this point. I have no love left to give, and I feel as though I don't even care. There is just simply no reason to go on. It seems like there's basically no future in anything. How could I even get close to God and value a relationship with him when I can't even begin to feel love anymore? It's almost as if its a foreign concept to me, I don't even know what it is at this point. To this day, I still have not had any sort of relationship of any kind beyond a few simple friendships with people. Never the deeper connection I wanted in the first place with someone. The constant nagging in my mind that I'm almost 30, and the feeling that everyone else I knew from school has so effortlessly moved on with their life, and here I am despite all my efforts with nothing to show for it is manifesting in physical conditions. It gives me a real sense of dread and defeat that I just cant seem to shake. I need a REASON to go on.

Has anyone else been through this? Are there even any answers? What is my purpose in life now? Can Jesus fix my heart? I have no problem believing I'm saved by grace through faith, that has never been questioned, but I feel as though all this is in the way of ever having a relationship with him and hearing from him. I feel completely empty and dead.

I felt the same way about a girl too but what people have advised me is that sometimes there are no happy endings. Just remind yourself you love her to fake it till you make it if you wanna call it that and see if your love feeling comes back. If that then works, go ahead and move on and find a new crush...a new girl to date.