How did you end up unequally yoked?

WashedClean · May 28, 2004

Hi Crosstrainer ,

What a story/testimony you have! It's funny, my husband's name is Mark, so I had to chuckle when you gave your husband that pseudonym.

Isn't God amazing? I could totally relate to what you said about being ashamed of many of your choices in the past, but knowing that God's grace and protection were still upon you, especially looking back. I didn't come to Christ until I was 34 years old (about 3 years ago). Only God could have reached me at that point. I wasn't living an unmoral life, but I was certainly set in my ways.

About 3 or 4 months ago my mother found a report from my nursery school teacher. It was basically an evaluation. She said that I liked to sing "Jesus Loves Me" as a solo in front of the group. I can remember singing that song as a very little girl. That seed took 30+ years to grow, but praise God, it did!

Thanks for sharing your story Crosstrainer. I look forward to seeing you on these forums. Please don't be a stranger.

Love in Christ,

WashedClean

SuzQ · Jun 3, 2004

crosstrainer said:
Here we are after 2 1/2 years marriage, we have my son and our new 17 month old beautiful son who is my angel. NOw to my being saved....I came to Christ about the time I had our son. I just felt the pull toward Him. I needed to fill my life with Him in everyway I could. It felt like an urgency! I started to go to church and make CHristian friends. I filled my days with teaching from Christian radio, from the bible and women's bible studies...my life is so different!

My family, moral conduct, values, focus, kids' needs, stability...etc. are all completely turned around! I am a different person, but the same. See I have always needed and wanted what I have (Christ, ethics, security..) now, but I took a long a windy and treacherous path to get here. I have come to know the real me, the one Jesus always meant for me to be, but I find there are parts of that 'me' that I have always known, but ignored. Thank God for His mercy and watchful eye as I floundered in my non-Christian years, knowing I would one day receive Him...

I am embarrassed and ashamed to admit to myself the choices I made in the past, but I am making up for it now.
I no longer believe in divorce being the answer or ducking out of bad choices because I am trying to avoid some personal discomfort.
I have made vows that I intend to keep and to keep them well. I have vowed to seek help in issues in my marriage and to always look at myself and what I can change and improve to be a good wife. And to set an example of a healthy marriage for our boys.
I am finding out all the things that God has wanted me to learn by bringing 'Mark' and I together...I have resented him many times and am now learning to let go of all that, and realise that under it all, I can find a really good man in there!!

I am also trying to lead my older son to the Lord, and my younger son will be taught right from the start, but my husband has no interest in religion or Christ at all. I do insist on my new stardards of living and our conduct and teachings in our home to be Christ centered and respectable, but I can't lead my husband to his own convictions and need for CHrist. All I have done in that regard is pray.

Hey, if the Lord still accepts me after what I have done with my life, and to others, I don't doubt He will find a way into my husband heart one day too. Good thing though, Mark agrees with many of the changes we have made in our life for our kids and supports us in our walk with Christ...amen!!
That's my story of how I became unequally yolked, just the outline, skipping many of the details, thanks for letting me share that.
God Bless!!

Crosstrainer, we have so much in common - we are ALL ashamed of those terrible, desperate choices we made without the guidance of the Holy Spirit! There's quite a few that can even confess to breaking ALL Ten Commandments - yet received forgiveness & the gift of the Holy Spirit from Christ to set us straight for the future. You're on the right path & have your priorities in line, amen! Yup, all you can do from this point on is to keep praying and keep absorbing the lessons of Christ as much as possible.

I've only been a saved Christian for a little over three years - you WILL stumble a little and have some of those old doubts creep back, it's normal and we all do it. I've recently started listening to a little Kirk Franklin - a Christian r & b artist. One of my new favorite songs is "Lovely Day" and I found the lyrics to share with all of you to help in our daily walk with Christ:

"When I wake up in the morning Love, And my heart is filled with pain...
the smile I had upon my face is gone, Can't see the sunshine from the rain
When I think of You, then the world is alright with me! Lord, just one thought of You, and I know it's gonna be a lovely day! Lovely day, lovely day, lovely day..........Jesus, You're the lover of my soul - the fire that burns deep within. You are the joy this world can't take away, the spiritual love affair it will never end. (a little rap: I know you're going through some stuff now, Feelin' ruff now, you feel like giving up now. But how can you learn if you don't fall? How can you walk if first you don't crawl? But through it all You keep blessin' me, while the people are pressin me & they keep stressin' me.)

Let's come together here, With one heart, One mind, Until we see the sunshine! It's gonna be a lovely day...birds singing, the birds are flying"

WashedClean · Jul 28, 2004

bump!

I thought it would be a good idea to bump up this thread since we have a bunch of newcomers here...

SuzQ · Aug 23, 2004

WashedClean said:
bump!

I thought it would be a good idea to bump up this thread since we have a bunch of newcomers here...

*SuzQ sings* "Bumpity-bump-bump.....bumbity-bump-bump.....look at DubyaC go!!!"

I agree! I've seen some new names & posts very recently! In the eternal words of Richard Simmons, "Tell us your story"......

Micah_USA · Aug 26, 2004

Hi All,
I am having some very serious "issues" in my marriage. I am Christian, have been most of my life (even though, I have strayed FAR off the path in my earlier days). My spouse had decided they are not only NOT Christian, but anti-Christian. This is a HUGE issue. We have children that I believe should be brought up in the church and trained according to God's word. This is a promise that I (strangely enough, we) made when we were blessed with children.

Truth is, it hurts me to my core that there has been this turn in my marriage. I do not see HOW I can stay married if I am going to have my childrens Christian training undercut at every turn. How can they see, through example, leadership in Christ if one of us is so determined to deny Him? I don't know what to do..........

KleinerApfel · Aug 26, 2004

Hello and welcome Micah

This sounds familiar; you saying your spouse seemed keen for a Christian marriage and now turns away from God. That must be SO disappointing for you.

Take a look at this thread, form a woman with some similar difficulties, (if you haven't seen it already):

http://www.christianforums.com/t755714

You don't tell us much about your situation; it may help others to give more encouragement if you could open up a little.

For instance, how long have you been married? Ages of children? What in particular is your spouse against them learning/doing?

Do come back for fellowship here; it's a good place to share, pray for, advise and encourage each other.

God bless, Susana

MusicMelOU · Aug 26, 2004

I am not unequally-yoked, because I am not married, but I am dating someone who is not currently a Christian. I would call him an agnostic, because he's very intelligent, and wants to know what is out there, but he knows that there are many answers that people are giving in the world, and he simply has not had anything happen in his life to make him feel that the Christian answer is the right one.

I totally understand where he is coming from, because up until May of 2003 I had the same mentality until I was nearly killed in a car wreck (combined with other events that night as well). If he were to ask me to marry him today, I would say no because of our differing beliefs, and because it is at least 3 years before I will get married anyway.

You may ask why I am even dating him if I would say no to marrying him. Well, the reason I am still dating him is because a lot can change in the time of 3 years. Something sudden and life-changing could happen to him tomorrow, and his belief system could totally change, like mine did. If they don't before we either break up or it is time to make the ultimate marital decision, I will know that he is not the man God has for me. But in the meantime, I am not going to put a verdict on him because of his beliefs until time runs out. Because all his beliefs could change at a drop of a hat. It sounds odd, but I am at peace with the situation. It doesn't keep me from praying for his salvation, though, because no matter how things turn out, it is the most important thing.

Mother Vashti · Aug 26, 2004

drfeelgood said:
It's God's job to judge people. I just date them.

It's God's job to sort'em all out. I just shoot them.

*sorry, couldn't resist

Ruhama · Aug 28, 2004

Ok I just wanted to reply to lotuspetal's post on the first page - Why does your husband think he is obligated to convert you if he can? In all the forms of Islam I'm familiar with it is permissible for a muslim man to marry a Jew or Christian woman while she remains unconverted. It doesn't work the other way around, like a muslim woman can't marry a Jewish or Christian man, but for a man it's ok, so I'm wondering a little why your husband is feeling such an obligation.

Mother Vashti · Aug 28, 2004

Rahama, Christianity and Islam are religions laced with imperialism. A primary goal of the religion is to recreate itself in the persons exposed to it.

Lotuspetal_uk · Aug 30, 2004

Ruhama said:
Ok I just wanted to reply to lotuspetal's post on the first page - Why does your husband think he is obligated to convert you if he can? In all the forms of Islam I'm familiar with it is permissible for a muslim man to marry a Jew or Christian woman while she remains unconverted. It doesn't work the other way around, like a muslim woman can't marry a Jewish or Christian man, but for a man it's ok, so I'm wondering a little why your husband is feeling such an obligation.

Hi Ruhama,

From what I've read it's almost contradictory. On the one hand it is written in their books that there is no compulsion in Islam and then on the other hand, they do have an obligation under one of their hadeeths to ensure that their non Muslim wife converts. To paraphrase it states that when they marry a 'Woman of the Book' (Jew or Christian) it is on the undertaking that she eventually converts. Because if she doesn't then she will influence any children they have to follow the mother's religion. I no longer have access to the paperbased account of this but somewhere in my previous posts I have a link to a fatwah addressing this very issue. I'll dig it out and send you a pm with the info.

But I guess the scale of the attempt of the husband to 'pursuade' the spouse to convert varies of course . This is the 'make or break' between us in terms of whether or not we can reconcile our marriage or go our separate ways because I have told him that I will never return to the kind of environment I left.

Shalom & I hope this helps

grebes · Aug 31, 2004

I have been married to my wife for almost 5 years. We have 2 boys 1 and 4.

I rarely go to church now cos Im too lazy I guess. Have not picked up a bible in ages. My wife thinks Christianity / church is ok - but has never made a commitment.

I have recently just been thinking about my boys though, and my responsibility towards them to help them have an understanding of Jesus.

Have to be honest, I sometimes wish there was no such place called heaven and hell that we just went to sleep end of. Don't want my lads going to the latter. Frightening.

Before I was married I was active in a church and my faith, but now as I have said that has gone by the by. Lost contact with a lot of good Christian friends. I find it hard motivating myself, and I guess if you were married to a like-minded soul, you can at least give each other a kick up the butt (can I say that word?) and encourage each other.

I am very happy in my marriage though.

WashedClean · Aug 31, 2004

grebes said:
I have been married to my wife for almost 5 years. We have 2 boys 1 and 4.

I rarely go to church now cos Im too lazy I guess. Have not picked up a bible in ages. My wife thinks Christianity / church is ok - but has never made a commitment.

I have recently just been thinking about my boys though, and my responsibility towards them to help them have an understanding of Jesus.

Have to be honest, I sometimes wish there was no such place called heaven and hell that we just went to sleep end of. Don't want my lads going to the latter. Frightening.

Before I was married I was active in a church and my faith, but now as I have said that has gone by the by. Lost contact with a lot of good Christian friends. I find it hard motivating myself, and I guess if you were married to a like-minded soul, you can at least give each other a kick up the butt (can I say that word?) and encourage each other.

I am very happy in my marriage though.

Hi grebes ,

Welcome to CF and this forum! We don't see too many husbands around here, so it's nice to see a man's point of view.

What kind of church did you attend in the past? Maybe you could return or pick a church in your area that would welcome your wife. Try to find one that has a great youth ministry. Once you see your children embracing Jesus, you will want to return to him. Perhaps your wife will also?

Just a thought. Wish I had more advice, but I would try reading the Bible again. And, of course, pray! The fact that you even came to this website means God is tugging on your heart again.

Hope to see more of you around here!

In Christ,

WashedClean

KleinerApfel · Sep 1, 2004

WashedClean said:
The fact that you even came to this website means God is tugging on your heart again.
WashedClean

Indeed.

Welcome Grebes,

you have done well to recognise God tugging.

I agree you need to get your children involved in an easy, natural way so they absorb the truth gently as a matter of course. They are so open at this stage in life.

You can't expect them to get into something they sense is not real to you though, so work on finding support for yourself too.

Maybe your wife would come along with you to some kind of short introductory course such as Alpha or Emmaus? Then you'd both be able to work out where you stand and where you want to be.

You say it's possibly laziness, but is there something in particular that made you stay away from church so long? Just the excitement and busyness of marriage and family? Or a bad experience?

It's good to hear you have a happy marriage. Coming back to the Lord can only enhance it, and I do hope you will be able to gently lead your wife to begin the journey too.

God bless, Susana

pete56 · Sep 1, 2004

Brother

The advice of our Sisters here is exactly right.

I have two daughters and am married to an unbelieving wife, but I took my girls to a church while they were young and have now got two believing daughters, but I have to say that I still have an unbelieving wife.

Give your children a good example to follow, speak to them about Our loving Father and God will do the rest.

Bless you Brother

Pete C

grebes · Sep 1, 2004

Thanks for your kind words everyone.

What kind of church did you attend in the past?

It was a 'free church' - pretty lively and full of students. I have looked at one or two churches in the town where I live now, and there is one that might be ok. They have a creche for the kids etc.

busyness of marriage and family

is probably the main reason why I have not been. My youngest also has a sleep in the morning which limits our movements as a family.

My wife and I did do an Alpha course as part of our preparation to getting married. My wife enjoyed the fellowship and sitting down for meals with people, but she really hates the opening up stuff or the bit where churches encourage people to break into small groups to pray.

I will try and hunt out a church and make a commitment to go along and see what happens.

Cheers

KleinerApfel · Sep 2, 2004

Grebes,

Alpha will at least have made sure your wife has all the information required in order to make her decision when she's ready.

I know some people find it threatening though - it can be a bit too intimate, especially if there are a number of established Christians, and/or those giving their lives to Jesus there and then.

Maybe in view of your wife's quieter nature you need to look for a church that would make her feel comfortable, rather than what you were used to before.
Lively and full of students might be tough for her.

Blessings on your search,
Susana

(PS - glad you and Pete have "met" here - there's a definite shortage of husbands in this area, and though you'll share some things with us women, you two will be a great encouragement to each other.)

eyeliv4God · Sep 13, 2004

:o I must admit that I made the decision to be unequally yoked... I sinned. But I feel like there's hope. I really, really do... I think coming to this board will definitely help me out, also. I'm looking for advice, friends, and support from those who are also unequally yoked or who have helped convert their spouse...

KleinerApfel · Sep 14, 2004

Welcome eyeliv4God

Do make sure you allow God to forgive you - don't allow any continuing sense of guilt to mar your marriage.
What's done is done, but now:

"the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife"
1 Cor. 7:14

God loves you both and wants this to work out.

We married when neither of us had faith, though I always felt there was "something", while my husband described himself as an atheist.
Several years later I came to the Lord, and am still waiting for my husband to catch up!

Lots of us here are praying for our spouses to come to the Lord, and it's a good place full of encouragement.

Come back soon.

God bless, Susana

KleinerApfel · Sep 16, 2004

Hello again eyelive4God,

I just read your thread:

http://www.christianforums.com/t877057

I thought you were already married when I replied to your post on this one, now I see you are not yet.

I'd echo what WashedClean says - slow down.
I'm glad you say the wedding is a couple of years ahead; that gives you some time to think, but also time to get drawn in so deep you can't see clearly.
Please be careful.

I understand that you already consider yourself "yoked" with your fiance, who sounds a deeply troubled young man.

If you were married, this could be as much of a problem for you as the spiritual issue. He is going to need some serious help with this at some time, and it could threaten your relationship very much.

You need to be aware that suffering under a violent parent, especially an extreme and psychologoically twisted one like your fiance's father, can lead a person to a tendency to respond with violence when stressed as an adult.

His comments to you about your need to live out your faith to prove God to him really concern me:

1/ This is, or could soon become, an unendurable burden for you.
2/ Just how good will ever be good enough for him to say "OK you win, God is real?"
3/ It demonstrates his lack of taking responsibility for his own spiritual journey.

Knowing some of what he has suffered this is not surprising, but you need to gain more insight before getting embroiled in this man's anguish.

Maybe you yourself could speak to someone who deals with such situations - both form a Christian point of view and a secular psychological view, who can give you some advice on how to encourage him to get the right sort of help.

I really am concerned that a young woman cannot take on all of this responsibility alone.

God bless, Susana

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